QuoteTake the last two words from the previous posters sentence and make a new sentence using the two words as your first two words.
Here is an example:
1st poster Today I walked by the sea.
2nd poster The sea salt is healthier than regular cooking salt.
3rd poster Cooking salt makes food taste better.
4th poster Taste better by eating your food slowly.
5th poster Food slowly cooked is more tender.
6th poster More tender are these moments we share.
Previous topic ended with:
Eat better sorry I thought it read Eat Smart I was going to say hay thats Morrisons own brand.My sentence shall be:
Own brand products are sometimes worthwhile buying.
Worthwhile buying from those out of town shopping centers as you can pick up some great bargains.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Great Bargains, is the knowledge that Lena does possess! :dance:
Just a thought; Lena may think she missed a CLEARANCE SALE @ LZD while she was out shopping! :hysterical:
Out shopping Lena grabbed her self a notebook so that she can keep updating her bids on her auction sites.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Auction sites are popping up everywhere, now no need to go after the paper.
The paper has to match exactly or it will not Aline properly,
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
'align properly,' said the manual
The manual what a joke, you install your new software only to find out the manual is on the disk and when read it say do not load software before you plug-in the printer.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
The printer is a Plug and Play type and the software is included.
Is included instruction necessary to assemble this thing?
This thing that she did was by far the bravest thing that she has done, who would have thought it me in a three legged race would be won by a Grandmother & Grandson in stead of mother and son.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
And son with all the talents says to is little brother, " What happened to you, you get hit with the dumb stick?"
Dumb stick bicycle trailer / tow bar enables your bike to safely transport your kayak / canoe or wagon with ease.
GR@PH;<'S, (https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi5.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy197%2FANG-Graphics%2FHammys_pint.gif&hash=cc0389ecbc422dd802c9559495afa0ed259644e2)
With ease replied the wizard, that was very elementary.
"Very elementary" Holmes said to Watson, tugging on his deerstalker hat.
(am i doing this right?)
Deerstalker hat are on sale at Harrods
@babyoh
Quote(am i doing this right?)
You doing just fine :flowers:
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
At Harrods you can buy just about anything you could wish for.
Wish for anything as you drop your coin in to the wishing well.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Wishing Well is a fine dining restaurant.
dining restaurant silverware is higher quality than fast-food take-out plastic forks, knives and spoons.
And spoons were for sale on the next stall making our trip to the car boot sale well worth the visit.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
The visit to our relatives was marred when the men started talking politics.
talking politics these days can end in fist being thrown or worse.
Or worse still we could all get swine flu and not be able to visit our loved ones.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Loved ones can never be replaced so tell them often how much you care.
you care to do what is right ,Right so let see that in writing :laughing:
In writing please is all the girl on reception kept saying we can not do anything unless it is in writing as I would be sacked if I were to let you submit yours.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Submit yours now or you won't be able to pass the urine test.
Urine test is going to be made compulsory for dogs who enter Crufts.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
enter Crufts is not for Ripley cat as she may get chase up a tree.I am off to (https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi123.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fo284%2FmrT57%2FDog-10.gif&hash=a04d3f5853bba10883d8d8ca5efaad28276b4f6f)CRUFTS. Ok where the tree
The tree was around for nearly 200 Hundred years right up till our local Council desided that they would need to chop it down and replace it with a recycal bin, Can some one explane to me how thats going green. :muahaha:.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Going green in our house means replacing all the incandescent light bulbs with compact flourescents.
Compact fluorescents will fail to operate at low temperatures.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Low temperatures in the caves, meant the tour group had to wear heavy wool coats and thick, bulky sweaters.
Bulky sweaters 1/2 price this week only.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
week only sales are quick becoming the norm with this slow economy.
Slow Economy You need to try the new and improved Economy Booster from JML guaranteed to boost your economy or your money back, your Economy Booster is covered by our 30 day money back guarantee so go on order today only £29.99 + £9.99 p&p.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
p&p, the new store where everything has a really really really low price, but at the register, tax, p&p is tacked on to the price.
The price down to start the end of line items but other prices have risen to compensate there losses.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
their losses were so huge, the shoe store had to file a bankruptcy.
A bankruptcy court is is not the place to be for devoice proceedings.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Divorce proceedings are touch and go at best.
At best we will come out the other side and see the pearly white gates :tease:
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
White gates and picket fences surrounded every house on the beach.
The beach is the place to be this summer.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
This summer, the weather has been generally tolerable until August rolled around!
rolled around to the corner deli to pick up lunch today.
Lunch today will be a little late as the chefs car broke down and he did not get her till 10 minutes ago.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
minutes ago according to the news a meteor hit Mars
Hit Mars next month is what we heard and it stands on being a direct hit at that.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
At that precise minute, the doors to the store were opened and Lena ran in to get the bargain of a lifetime.
A lifetime of Fish and Chips for any one over the age of 65 as long as they bring there grandparents along.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
grandparents along with all the grandchildren were lined up for the photographer to shoot
To shoot first then ask questions is illegal but is something I would do as that way at least you will only be arrested and not berried
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Not buried as in Michael Jackson's stinking corpse?
"Stinking corpse I will not be as I will be cremated" said the vicar at our local Church "as I not like warms".
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
"The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out, the worms play pinochle on my snout."
My snout is red from sneezing and running and dripping due to my cold.
My cold was so bad it made everyone around me wonder if it were swine flu.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Swine Flu vaccines will probably not be complete until the flu season is upon us.
upon us it is, thus saith the govt, and, woe, 90,000 shall die in their misery according to them.
[honest, that is what the u.s. govt is projecting, 90k deaths from swine flu.]
to them that has, them that gets
"That gets tastier by the minute" the little boy said to his mother.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
his mother would not believe he could be the serial killer
Serial killer shot and fatally injured by a police detective this morning as he tried to escape from court.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
From court rulings, the Ten Commandments display had to be removed from the town square.
Town square will come alive tonight as there is going to be live audition of the X-Factor.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
The X-Factor has indeed come into play.
Into play came the substitute for the remaining few minutes of the game.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
The game had just started when the power went out and we had a house full of screaming mad football fans
Football fans of the Pittsburgh Steelers were a happy bunch last night!
Last night I drank too much.
"Too much food and you will be sick" said Jayne's mother.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Jayne's mother was quite surprised to find out she would be grandmother to triplets.
To triplets, the names given were Matt, Pat and Tat.
And Tat would grow up to be one of the worlds strongest men.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Strongest men are usually meek fellows that pump up to make themselves more visible.
More visible Lines are being painted on the roads that are in areas deemed as accident black spots.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Black spots on the blossom end of a tomato. is blossom end rot.
End rot is a serious disorder of tomato, pepper and eggplant, growers often are distressed to notice that a dry sunken decay has devel.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
has developed the film, he has.
He has many talents, but he is most famous for his ability to lie like a rug while most people believe him.
Believe him after what he said about you, no way.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
no way is Horsey1 going to come in first at the race, when champions like Maverick and Winston are going to be racing alongside them.
Alongside them all wer the kids from hell.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
From hell arose a cloud of dust and the fire and brimstone could be seen above it.
Above it all we ended coming home in 3rd place.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
#rd. place is a respectable finish, we were just a greedy bunch.
Greedy bunch our lot as we ate the lot.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
The lot was closed for the evening, so we parked next to the dumpsters.
The dumpsters are getting overfilled and the council workers are refusing to empty them.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
empty them, I instructed the students when they complained the trash bins were too full.
Too full to eat another thing so I will have to just have a drink. :GRAFX:
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
a drink of cold water is very refreshing
Very refreshing is a cold tin or two of Fosters while cutting the grass.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
The grass has turned green once again, so mowing is now necessary.
Now necessary work has to be carried out due to cowboy boulders
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Cowboy boulders, I know not this expression, could it be cowboy builders?
Cowboy builders? Niecarrah you are correct silly old me, :smash: please forgive me.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Forgive me he begged, as she smashed him on the head with the frying pan.
Frying pan's lead the end of summer sales at our local store.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Local store has advertised BOGO on many items.
Many items are in the one day sale.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Day sale says Lena, "hardly worth getting up for."
Up for a sale any day, any place, any time, any store, any Mall
Any Mall you visit now you will see the signs that Christmas is approaching.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Is approaching a strange fellow with a ball bat in hand, a strange action?
Strange action was taken by a traffic Warden to day of issuing a parking ticket, strange as police car's never normally get parking tickets.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
My friend used to have a virtual glove compartment FULL of parking tickets, that he never paid on.
Paid on time, paid in full, and I still get a bill showing I am in arrears.
In arrears is how most people are finding themselves these days.
These days it is hard to live without modern technology.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Modern technology is difficult for the elder generation to warm up to.
up to now might be a prank sign at the base of the steps
The steps were the cause of the young man's death.
Man's death was put down to a freak accident.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Freak accident, is the most unusual cause of death, but none the less it happens.
It happens to be the most highly rated restaurant in the area.
the area enclosed by a circle of given radius. A simple way to go about this is to draw such a circle on graph paper
Graph paper can be used in many different ways by graphic designers.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Many graphic designers have now gone over to the computer instead.
computer, instead of pencil, has rushed us into the computer age.
(:lol: fancy that!)
Computer age is relevant when deciding to buy more RAM or a newer operating system.
Operating system may become slow and none responsive depending on the severity of the infection.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
the infection was wide spread and causing great panic
Great Panic challenged the ideology of capitalism: economies do best when markets, not governments,
Not governments cut again soon there will be nothing left to cut.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
to cut or not to cut, that is the question.
The question being one of unresolved answers.
Unresolved answers will be sorted out in the next meeting of the local council.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Local council has decided to leave it up to the state legislature to make the final cuts.
Final cuts of the film are now being shown but the editor's have already told us that they will not be releasing the completed film till next year.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Next year is when the economists foresee a reversing economy.
Reversing economy is the 1st thing any elected member of parliament say they would do if re-elected
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
If re-elected the candidate would be very humble at this juncture .
This juncture means at this time, based on the things that are happening.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Are happening he exclaimed?
He exclaimed in words that went stright over our heads, insted of keeping things simple.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Things simple, things complex, I much prefer to stay with the simple!
The simple way to get on in this world is to tell the Truth, Yeah right :hysterical: :laughing:
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Yeah Right said the judge, not believing one word the accused uttered.
Accused uttered but I am not guilty.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Not guilty my butt, your are as guilty as the day is long.
Is long time to wait 20 years have you got some thing that will grow quicker than that.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Than that, is an example of a two word combination that I feel is poor grammar!
Poor grammar is all that is used around here,
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Around here it is usually in the low 50's but today we had a freeze and later this week some cold rain mixed with wet flurries.
Wet flurries is what Paddy does not need as it has rained that much by him he thought of selling his car to get a boat.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
A boat is not useful at this time of the year, most are stored in dry dock by now.
By now all of you know that it is the silly season for fireworks whats with them being let off by youths, and that one of the reasons fireworks should only be on sale to organized displays only.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Displays only the answers that the teacher is looking for.
Looking for a gift for Netty's birthday is getting harder every year, however I got this years sorted already :cheers2:
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Sorted already are the socks and the wash clothes.
Wash clothes then put them away after they have dried.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Have dried out the soaked carpet only to realize it had shrunk.
Had shrunk by 40% due to it dring out to fast.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
To fast to furious game to play online's professional profile on LinkedIn. LinkedIn is the world's largest business network
Business network failing again then why not start up your own business emplying people to go round fixing networks for business :tease:
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
For business, one must advertise in all available media.
Available media on demand and all for such a low price.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Low price my butt, these prices are some of the most exorbitant I have had occasion to witness lately.
Witness lately are those who have been playing trick or treat on the elderly, as they have been seen by security cameras.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Security cameras, unfortunately have become a very much needed thing in today's society.
Today's society seem to be lost without htere computers just the other day we were at the checkouts at our local shop whenthe electric went the assistent was lost not knowing what to do it took four of us to tell here that the bill come to £19.95 and that she would have to give 5 pence change out of the £20 note that I gave her :muahaha:
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
"Gave her some advice on the subject, and she actually took heed!"
Took heed she said as if any one was listening.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
was listening, no i think not, more like daydreaming.
Like daydreaming they said, only to me it seemed unlikely I still think he was under the influence of drugs.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Of drugs used to fight the common cold, actually rest and fluids is your best bet.
Best bet I ever made was 100 to 1 Button for champion.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
For champion status, one must be atop of his or her game.
Her game has improved tremendously since her tree day intensive course.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Intensive course of antibiotics was exactly what the doctor ordered.
Doctor ordered all his office staff to go home and enjoy there time head earned time off.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Time off yesterday, was to Honor Veterans.
Honor Veterans this November the 11th the poster said as if we needed reminding.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Needed reminding the morning his thesis was due.
Was due to have a operation but it has been canceled.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Been cancelled until further notice.
Further notice will be givern to the winner of this week loto.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Weeks lotto spending was firm.
"Was firm" the lady said after getting up off the matross, "I think the 1st one was the better one.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
"Better one than what lady?" asked the salesperson.
The salesperson said that they were waiting for Lena to finnish her days run of th esales so that they could close up for the day.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
the day grew gray and cold as the travelers left the foothills for the mountains.
The mountainsof Wales is where our drinking water comes from.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Comes from where?
From where did you say you brought it.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Bought it at the Russian Tea Room during their take home special.
Home special the salesman said forgetting to tell the customer that it was old stock.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
old stock and new socks, what a crazy combination quoth the raven.
The raven had made his home at the bottom of the very deep well.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Deep Well Jet pump was exactly what we had to get to solve our water problems.
Water problems will continue until everyone understands that water is a precious commodity. :thumbsup:
Cheers :Hammys pint:
At the till a customer said my money is precious commodity to me and you keep wanting more and more of it.
:smash:
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Since GR@PH:<'S mucked this one up I shall go from the last post. LOL
Precious commodity listings are varied and lengthy.
And lengthy pirods of going without any adult pop makes my hands shake.
@Niecarrah Thanks :flowers:
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Hands shake and feet quake, but I get a feeling of calmness washing over.
washing over the shore the waves deposited pretty seashells.
Pretty seashells adorn my backdoor garden, along with chives, parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme.
and thyme and thyme again, which is funnier on paper than spoken words.
Spoken words and written words can be the same but yet have different meanings.
Different meanings for the same words hmm seems like a new game is on the cards.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
the cards were dealt face down as cigar smoke filled the room.
The room went black as the lights went out, thank goodness we had the for thought to buy candles.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
buy candles, matches, canned meat, bottled water and blankets for the approaching hurricane season.
Hurricane season always left bob with the same strange sense of flushed anxiety.
Flushed anxiety can be controlled by a myriad of prescription drugs.
Prescription drugs should be kept well hidden, when walking in cities, in a stout pair of molecule shorts (http://www.molecule.asia/shorts/) :)
Molecule shorts were claimed to be the murder weapon by the strange black cat-like man, sitting in the dark room, with the light turned on.
Turned on? asked the steamy temptress in the window down an Amsterdam lane...
Amsterdam lane sertanly sir take a left at the traffic lights then it is the 3rd right.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
3rd right is "The Pursuit of Happiness" preceded by "Life" and "Liberty".
And Liberty is the name of the bell in the Independence Hall, Philadelphia,
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Hall Philadelphia is a very eerie neighborhood.
Eerie neighborhood is a TV set where they film episodes of the TV series
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
TV series are a good way to entertain oneself during the long cold winter.
cold winters are followed by fewer mosquitoes.
Fewer mosquitoes means fewer bites.
fewer bites in the deep water so I'll head for the cove where the fish are jumping.
Are jumping beans easy to propagate?
Farmers will need to propagate there crops in order for them to flurish.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
to flourish is an admirable goal, said the senator.
The senator voted against the majority in his party because he was responding to the wishes of his constituents.
His constituents we jubilant and partying wildly.
Partying wildly as always.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
As always, I'm late for dinner.
For dinner, we will have leftovers.
Have leftovers for lunch said his wife.
his wife was an excellent hostess as well as a great companion.
Great companion dogs include the St. Bernard, the English Sheepdog and the Labrador.
the Labrador is an excellent hunting dog and is not afraid of water.
Of water is a fine well built, better clay than sandy silt.
Compression Tests on a Sandy Silt at Different Suction and Temperature Levels.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Oops G...First Two Words?
Sandy silt deposited at the mouth of the Mississippi helps to form some of New Orleans.
New Orleans Saints sure looked sharp beating the socks off the Arizona Cardinals in the playoff game.
Playoff game was interupted juw to the sudden down fall of snow.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
O snow, we have many kinds and the worst is dirty snow.
Dirty Snow May Warm Arctic As Much As Greenhouse Gases.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
greenhouse gases are overstated, but al gore is a desperate man who received his global warming nobel prize in a heavy wool coat.
Wool coat was just one of the bargins that Lena managed to get from the January sales.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Wool coat, the ones the Vikings wore, have proved to retain more heat than today's miracle fabrics.
[well, it seems i must play from graphics...]
january sales of christmas leftovers have almost ceased due to their paucity.
Their paucity in is noticed when it come to payday and there ever shrinking pay packet.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Pay packet is just another UK thing as in the US it is a pay check. (Sorry about my boo boo.)
Pay check at the cash register but be sure to leave a tip for the waitress.
the waitress looked through tired eyes while being cheerful
Being cheerful, courteous and kind are just three of the many traits of a good Boy Scout.
Boy Scout cut our grass as part of whats called bob a job, bob a job more like £5 a job these days.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
These days NOTHING is the same as it were in my youth.
My youth was a time when I did not appreciate all that I had.
I had planned to enter the next post here, but changed my mind and won't bother now.
"Bother now", said Winnie the Pooh, "my foot is stuck in the honey pot".
Honey pot empty Pooh bear desided to see if Pigglit was going to play.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
To play, or not to play, that is the question.
The question should be, is it worth trying to do, not can it be done.
Be done with your fourth wife!
Fourth wife he is on now and he still only 68.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Quote from: GR@PH;<'S on January 27, 2010, 10:09:43 PM
Fourth wife he is on now and he only 68.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Only 68 more miles to drive and we will be home.
Be home at 6pm I said.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
I said enough for one day.
One day we will all use voice activated door openings.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Door openings are to be done by the hired help.
Hired help comes at an exorbitant price.
Exorbitant price at the petrol pumps are driving customers away in there hundreds, some have even started to run there cars on chip fat.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Chip fat is the major fuel used by the Williams Racing Team :muahaha:
Racing Team with a driver that has won the world title Severn times is Brawn-Mercedes.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Brawn-Mercedes is best driven by Jenson Button.
Jenson Button will lost out not only to his own team mate but from his old team.
(Guess who a Michael Schumaker fan)
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
old team is out and the new team is in, what with the new orleans saints winning the super bowl!
"Super Bowl", said the bowling team coach to his newest recruit.
newest recruit had his hair shaved off and was made to do 100 push-ups.
Push-ups are loved by women who want to accentuate their sagging assets.
Sagging assets are certainly putting the crunch on things.
On things that are not used very often, I put a stickie with a date, and if it is not used in a year, I toss it out.
It out of gas and it ain't going nowhere.
Going nowhere, spinning my wheels, if this dang snow doesn't melt soon, I'll be going out of my mind!
My mind is in disarray.
in disarray, I ran out of the burning building.
Burning building tuck firefighters two hours to get the blaze under control.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Under control of the terrorists, the plane was flown into the twin towers.
twin towers will not be rebuilt.
Rebuilt the home after the insurance company paid out,
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Paid out the money for the airfare but the flight was canceled.
Was canceled due to the amount of snow that has fallen on the track apparently so no trains to day.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Trains today lack the romance of the older steam engines.
steam engines reminds me of my Grandfather as he had a car that was fueled by coal.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
By coal or by electricity, trains always arrive late.
Arrive late for dinner in this house and your plate will be empty.
Be empty the binman said or the chap will not wash it out for you.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Was canceled for the third time this season, due to SNOW!
Quote from: Niecarrah on February 23, 2010, 10:18:23 PM
Was canceled for the third time this season, due to SNOW!
Wrong page again, Niecarrah. Into the Booze? :laughing:
jump to GR@PH;<'S
For you, a visit to your computer store is in order.
For you, I will do anything.
Do anything, but don't screw up the order of the posts; do you read me Shax? :smash:
In order to stop Lena hammering my head, please accept this revised offering.
[username],
OK now lets just sit down have a cup of tea / coffee :breakkie: a brandy perhaps :cheers2:) as it seems this games got a little out of hand of late.
Remember the rules of the game.
QuoteTake the last two words from the previous posters sentence and make a new sentence using the two words as your first two words.
Here is an example:
1st poster Today I walked by the sea.
2nd poster The sea salt is healthier than regular cooking salt.
3rd poster Cooking salt makes food taste better.
4th poster Taste better by eating your food slowly.
5th poster Food slowly cooked is more tender.
6th poster More tender are these moments we share.
OK lets start over.
---------------------
Revised offering the two youngsters needed it as they had for got to revise for those exams.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Those exams were harder than expected. (And it's coffee this morning, GR@PH!) :breakkie:
"Than expected" And theres me always been saying "was expected" I can see now why I am not the TV's weather man.
@Shax,
Quote(And it's coffee this morning, GR@PH!) :breakkie:
well i'll have a brandy before turning in for the night.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Weather man is a profession invented expressly to give astrology a good name.
Good name gone forever is Jenson the maker of the intercepter.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
The intercepter ran the ball down the field for a touchdown.
A touchdown in rugby is worth five points.
Five points of the star of David represent the five physical senses, with the sixth representing intuition.
huh. and all this time i thot it was lubrication. who'd have known?
representing intuition plausibly in a good movie is difficult to do.
To do all the jobs that we need doing around our home is going to take us till the summer to finnish.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
To finish clearing up all the leaves seems to be a never ending task.
Ending task 4 then will start task 5 the instalation of Security Software.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Security Software has saved my sanity many times.
Many times I get frustrated with this computer and just shut it down.
It down to earth road holding was one reason we brought it.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Brought it home and immediately wish I hadn't.
I hadn't seen this much rain since Noah started building his Ark.
His Ark was that big it held all the animals,
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
The animals are quite enjoying the sunny warmth.
Sunny warmth on his back was keeping our dog Skippy quiet .
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
skippy quiet? how does one possibly start... oh well.
skippy! quiet!
:lol: go for it.
Skippy; quietly I spread that peanut butter but the Ritz cracker snapped, waking the snoozing bloke, who snatched it out of my hands and ate it.
ate it. up as quick as we could said our goodbyes and got out of there as quickly as my chair would go, how was i to know that my wheels had gone through paint that was drooped just out side of the restaurant.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
The restaurant had nice ambiance but that was the total of it.
Of it all to have fallen on that one place no one could have guessed it would have been forecast.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Been forecast for days that the hurricane would hit the island, but it veered north and missed, leaving only rain and wind in its wake.
its wake said my son as his sister came into the kitchen.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
nice.
the kitchen was freshly painted a nice (?) shade of chartreuse :shock: while he was at work.
At work they gave me one hell of a retierment party.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Retirement party crashers included some of the worst back-stabbing co-workers who almost caused a fistfight.
~now~ that's closer to the truth...
a fistfight is what i'd have called it, but she claimed it was boxing lessons
Boxing lessons are being given down at our local ASDA soon everyone will be able to pack there own shopping away in boxes.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
in boxes are wonderful snacks.
wonderful snacks always seem to have hidden sugar.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Hidden sugar seems to be the new thing at McDonald's and I can't find any when I order my senior coffee.
Senior coffee experts have predicted that more people will become addicted to coffee in the next few years due to it's high caffeine.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
high, caffeine! are you doing well today? :breakkie:
Well today, like every day, I must wake up with coffee and water...and vitamins.
And vitamins of cause are needed to help you keep in good shape.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Good shape means a well balanced diet.. now where did I put my candy floss
candy floss is very nice I love it.
Love it or hate it, modern computing is here to stay
To stay in the lines when drawing takes a lot of concentration.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Of concentration and remembering, I can do neither.
do neither neighbors use old computers?
Old computers still have a place in my office as they are used as door stops.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Door stops flies, mosquitoes, salesmen and other unwanted pests from coming in.
Coming in from the garage you could smell the cakes that Netty was cooking.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
was cooking is a rough way to start a sentence
A sentence could have started "Was cooking for the whole Air force".
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Air force from the furnace blew dust throughout the room.
The room just started to spin was all I remember till waking up in the back of the ambulance.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
the ambulance was speeding along the road when it was hit by the out of control motorcycle.
Control motorcycle display will be held on the car park of Wall Mart this Sunday at 4.30 pm all welcome.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
All Welcome is what the sign read at the recent Art Fair.
Art Fair this year raisied £8374 not bad for a few finger paintings.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Finger paintings are the acme of my artistic endeavours.
Artistic endeavours of the local school children to help repaint the vandalized art gallery has lead to six arrests.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Six arrests for DWI and he still has his drivers license.
Drivers license once they have reached the age of seventy only last for the period of three years at a time.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
A time for quiet reflection was needed.
"Was needed in the emergency room", I told him, "That's why I couldn't meet you for lunch".
For lunch I had a greasy bacon and mushroom sandwich with tomato sauce.
Tomato sauce instead of the relish that the fast food shops give you.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Give you two dimes for a quarter?
A quarter of all cars sold in Britten come with at least one defect.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
one defect after another
After another complete thrashing Englands football team are ready for the game this week against Hungary.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Against Hungary or for England no matter the fun is all in the playing of the games.
The games we play trying to cheat our fellow man will finally catch up to us.
To us any cuts the govenment make always seems to end up with us being even more out of pocket.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Of pocket asked the seamstress, just how many should I add?
I add a tot of whiskey in my hot chocolate.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Hot chocolate with tiny marshmallows floating on the top, sitting around the campfire on a chilly night making s'mores; what more could a kid ask for?
Ask for at least 20% off or tell them you will take your service to there competition.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
There competition is stronger than this time last year.
Last year our local new paper ran an artical on my local the Crooked House (http://www.thecrooked-house.co.uk/index.htm)
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
'crooked houses straightened,' read the ad in the paper
The paper is always delivered on time.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
"on time?" asked the kid standing on the dock.
The dock was a daunting place for Ryan to stand as the judge gave his verdict.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
His verdict was "Guilty" and the accused showed no remorse.
No remorse the judge said at his sentencing of the accused.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
The accused turned to the victim in the courtroom and laughed.
And laughed we did none stop for over an hour.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
An hour went by and still the repairman didn't show up for his appointment.
His appointment was for 1.30pm but it was 2.45 before he realized he had missed it.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Missed it the last time you posted, but I won't next time. :smash:
Next time I go on Holiday I will remember to take an umbrella.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
An umbrella would have been useful in the torrential downpour while we were out shopping.
"Out shopping, of course", I said when a friend called my cell to ask what I was doing.
Was doing 50 mph in a 60 zone honest so I not know why he pulled me over him pulling infrunt of me nearly made me spill my drink.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
my drink is hot coffee
Hot coffee is ok but it would be a ;ittle bit better with a capful or two of Brandy in i.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
In I went to the Mall on Black Friday but my credit card was revoked.
Was revoked by the manager so now we down to just 15 store cards.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
store cards safely.
Cards safely tucked away in my wallet because I've reached the credit limit on all of them.
Of them chosen only three were any good.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Any good dietitians in the house.
The house stood empty for three years due to the market slump.
Market slump has been prodicted.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Been prodicted and poked and pushed and pounded and pummelted by the hoards of Christmas shoppers, but now I am done and ready to wrap the gifts.
The gifts were very well received by all , making this Christmas one to remember.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
to remember the wrapping paper is key, for without it, the presents are bare, and where is the wonder in that?
In that closet sits a vacuum cleaner that I haven't used in months.
In months of cold and gloom, we must strive for sanity.
for sanity is the key to sanitation, which leads to indoor plumbing and a great nation!
ps
remember that this is "men are people too" week.
so ladies, when done with the loo, plz lift the lid in honor of men!
Great nation railway would not have sounded right so in stead they called it Great Western railway.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
western railway was how the west was won.
Was won by ticket number 315 I had 316 thats the last time I buy a ticket.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
A ticket for the millionaire drawing tonight could be a good after the holiday purchase.
holiday purchase, similar to the louisiana purchase, sold christmas to the grinch for about the same price.
Same price for those shoes at the Mall and online.
And online aocton sites have become part of our everyday shopping.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
everyday shopping is so pedestrian.
So pedestrian crosswalks were recently painted, but cars drove across the wet paint and left blotches of white down the road.
The road to success is strewn with treacherous rocks.
the jetty is formed with many treacherous rocks that can be very slippery.
Very slippery road conditions caused many accidents during the morning commute after the overnight snow.
Overnight snow is on the cards for friday so looks as if we not going to go out on saturday after all.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
After all the dire predictions, doom and gloom scenarios, the market is starting to recover.
To recover from my fall I had t spen most o this weekin bed doctors orders.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Doctors orders were followed to the tee, but yet under the weather I still remain.
Still remain calm, I said, because the storm has passed and the flood waters are receding.
Are receding hairlines a sign of virility?
Of virility tablets taken there were no side effects
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
side effects, not being able to sit down for four hours
four hours of waiting in this security line for a body scan and full grope pat-down is too long.
Too long I think we should have another Christmas say in July like QVC dose.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
qvc dose killed mell, surely.
Mell surely would be buried soon?
Buried soon after he died, no time for a wake, and his widow ran off with the gardener.
The gardener never seems to come when it has snowed.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
has snowed again if it continues it will be upto the window sills.
Netty.(https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmilies.sofrayt.com%2F%255E%2F_950%2Ftiptoe.gif&hash=672ead1934a2cae63da89db8729ce0a34ce4100a)
window sills leak.
The roof has a hole in it, the door needs replaced. and the sills leak, this house is a nightmare!
a nightmare woke me .
Netty.(https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmilies.sofrayt.com%2F%255E%2Faiw%2Ffie.gif&hash=2e75d0f3e189e98eeba1b239adada136dec544df)
woke me up in the middle of the night just to say are you a wake.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
A loverly wake was held for Dear Jake, his wife baked a beautiful cake.
beautiful cake i shall make and then i'll bake an bake
Netty.
"An bake for 20 minuets per lb" it said on the wrapper.
GR@PH;<'S
the wrapper looked loverly and tied neatly with a bow.
Netty. :hammy:
A bow-Tie was all that was allowed or you would not get in to the prestigious hotel,
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Prestigious hotel, luxurious limo, finest clothes, and the cheapskate only tipped me a quarter.
A quarter of all drivers think that thay would past the driving test if they were to sit it now.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
It's now or never... Come hold me tight.... Kiss me my darling... be mine tonight. - Elvis presley
yeah, I kinda cheated on the first word a bit... :moreevil:
Elvis presley was and in my eyes is the KING of rock and roll and always will be.
@R3D
QuoteI kinda cheated on the first word a bit... (https://www.landzdown.com/Smileys/default/moreevil.gif)
AS long as you start the sentence off with the last to words then it not cheating
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Will be right there as soon as I finish the dishes.
the dishes have to be done so they don't turn into big piles that go on for miles.
Netty.(https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi717.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fww173%2Fprestonjjrtr%2FSmileys%2F3D_emoticon_S335.gif&hash=129df6f98f434b8b076d79052c2bcbda03e56c21)
For miles and miles the traffic was a stand still on the M6 that surrounds us all because of a swan waddling down the center lane it was not until the police arrived to try and catch it that it flew off leaving motorists none the wiser why they were held up.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
held up again at the performance of swan lake, that's why.
That's why the rich get richer and the poor get poorer.
Get poorer and poorer while the richer get richer.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
get richer, rob the poor.
(o, wait! that's government's job.)
The poor box at the back of church has mistressly been fill with £20 notes, the vicar in his sermon did mention that the bank across the road had been robbed and no one has been court.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
been court yard?
Court Yard by Marriott is not as nice as Best Western.
Best Western movie I ever saw were True Grit!
True Grit the Western that stared John Wyane.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
john wayne won a gunfight.
A gunfight ensued when the police cornered the bank robbers.
bank robbers are seldom successful at being bank robbers
"Bank Robbers do not have buccaneers... Only pirates have buccaneers that help hold up their buccan-hats", said the old sea dog... :hysterical:
Sea dog rescue team sprung into action as soon as they heard the siren.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
the siren wailed on and off throughout lunch, afterward, all the men heard was the siren
The siren sounded night after night sending us children in to the shelters.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
the shelters should have a better name than, 'the shelters.'
ps
:p
The shelters for the homeless were overcrowded as the temperatures dipped below freezing.
Below freezing again the forecast for the forthcoming weekend.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
forthcoming weekend will be pleasant, the reported droned on the report about the forthcoming weekend.
[this sentence generously supplied by the department of redundancy department.]
The forthcoming weekend will finaly bring the Christmas sales to an end.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
an end of the forthcoming sentence foretold the forthcoming of an end.
[this sentence generously supplied by the department of redundancy department.]
go ahead, keep trying.
An end is in sight.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Sight for sore eyes.
Sore eyes if it persists I recommend you see a Doctor.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
A doctor at the scene of the accident could offer no help, turns out he was a doctor of psychiatry.
Of psychiatry department Dr Marbles from the mentle Health team was due to talk to us all today but he had been held up.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
held up roofs can use trusses to keep them held up.
[once again, this sentence generously supplied by the dept of redundancy dept.]
Held up trusses are used to keep roofs held up.
Held up for the second time in two hours it is about time the road works were completed.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
were completed, thought george, after the roofs were completed
Were completed It seems by the council but just how is a mystery as just how they get any work done as they always seem to be standing looking at the spades.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
the spades stand dormant in the hands of the street workers who hold the spades.
this sentence generously supplied by department of redundancy department.
and to think, i thot i was going to have difficulty with starting and ending with that phrase. :lol: lol
The Spades were missing from his hand but he managed to Shoot the Moon in the game of Hearts
Of Hearts of Gold it read telling of the way that they were brought up.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Brought up well, children will become responsible adults.
Responsible adults are few and far between these days.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
these days the department of redundancy dept. echoes, these days.
These days there does not seem to be as many female racing drivers.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Racing drivers these days seem to be mostly female.
Mostly female but a few men have been seen queuing for ticket's to see JLS in concert.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
In concert with the crowd at Ground Zero, many spilled out to the streets in front of the White House celebrating the news.
The news is still insisting that we all need to stay in doors this weekend out of the heavy rain that has been forecast.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Been forecast that we may get some rain soon to help with this awful drought.
Awful drought is usually broken by terrible floods.
terrible floods.
Terrible floods but thankfully we live quite high up witch is a good thing as my chair might rust :tease:
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Might rust protect the lamp post from further corrosion?
further corrosion is indeed stopped in some forms of iron by rust.
By rust, I mean the kind that gets on wheat.
On wheat it seems as if we now need chocolate milk or at least that what the makers of Coco pops is letting us believe as there coco pops turn the milk chocolaty.
(TV Add (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P6MWhn1eixI) <-- Youtube clicky)
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
milk chocolaty goodness is part of a healthy diet.
Healthy diet :blink: Every time I see my dietitian she says you must keep to a Healthy diet to keep your cholesterol in check.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
(yes, babyoh)
deerstalker hats are coming back into fasion.
Into fashion comes my wardrobe again, just like it did ten years ago.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
years ago when Hammy was able to walk to the pub we always thought that he was in wheel chair user in traing as for some reason he could never manage to walk home :thud:
Years ago I was able to to do all my own decorating and not flinch every time DIY comes into the conversation but now I rely I my son to come do all our DIY for us well any thing that is Higher that my chair allows.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
chair allows mobility freeing from bondage.
The strength of some super glue is that good people fear that they are doomed to a life of finger bondage.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Finger bondage requires careful use of razor and almost always some loss of skin.
Of skin and bone, it read on the label so it should be a good glue.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Good glue comes from good horses.
BG
Good horses and old horses infact all horses are required for up and coming glue company the stronghold brothers.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
stronghold brothers made the best castles in europe.
In europe they according to me build better cars than over here in the uk.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
The U.K. is a very sunny place. :shocked:
Sunny place was at the botom of the Grarden.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
The garden is already in full bloom due to our very mild winter.
Yet again the weatherman has it wrong as we were forecast a mild winter Hmmmmm let's see did we not just have 12" snow fall trapping us in our house and add the -12 C for the last month.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
last month was a red banner one for utag boodle, his car was lost to a frying pan fire, the worst!
The worst car that I have owned was a vauxhall viva HD that I paid some thing like £130 for it was in the repairers more than in my garage.
Loaned repaid
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
My garage has closed, retired he did.
he did say that if only a few turnned up that he would give us all drinks on the house.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
The house survived the wet weather and nearby flooding.
Nearby flooding was also damaged in the flood.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
the flood waters quickly receded thankfully so that the clean up could begin.
Could beginners please lime up at the start line.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
The start line was packed with runners ready to begin the race.
The race was one of the best so far this year.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
This year must be BETTER than last I hope ?
I hope that we see a lot less of our local Hospital in the new year.
:muahaha:
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
New Year so everyone gets to use their new gear.
New gear, I just put one into my transmission.
My transmission had been slipping in second, so I added some Lucas.
Lucas McCann, aka "The Rifleman", was in a Television series.
The television series CSI started a lot of spin-off kinds of programs.
Of programs with a U rating we often see the so called macho big brothers move to tears towards the end.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
The bend was to occur the other day...what dumbbells.
What dumbbells do is to aid recovery after a visit to the physiotherapy department.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Hubby has spent considerable time in the physiotherapy department, in his long recovery.
:blink: Long recovery was what Netty & I were expecting but we did not think that the surgeon was going to say up to two years (https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.getsmile.com%2Femoticons%2Fenergizer-smileys-51935%2Fcrying14.gif&hash=c35488813105a6802df7c864979cc2a4e8032836)(https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.getsmile.com%2Femoticons%2Fenergizer-smileys-51935%2Fcrying10.gif&hash=fac1be9789bd38ca20b36a059f940c40e0b7142b)
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Two years ago this thing all came to a head.
A head by a nose now you wish you had bet on him.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
On him lies the burden of proof in this matter.
This matter is to small a man said to a carpet sales man
:laughing:
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Sales man quotas had to be raised in this year of doom, much to the manager's chagrin.
manager's chagrin at least 10% more than they need to just to boost their commission.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Their commission of 38 percent was more than I bargained for.
Bargained for a lot more than we ever received.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Ever received a re-gifted gift?
There are more people this year using E-Bay to re-gifted gift the unwanted gift's.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Unwanted gift's can donated to many good causes.
There are more people this year using E-Bay to re-gifted gift the unwanted gift's. Woohoo what a mouthful!!! ;-)
Good causes need every penny they can get so go on make a donation today.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
donation today - helping the needy of the world.
The world would be a better place if more people stopped self medicating !
Self medicating can cause more problems than what it's worth.
It's worth more to you than it is to society.
To society ball we must go said Lord Montgomery.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
lord montgomery had a delicious time at the ball.
The ball is one of those kong rubber ball, that our dog plays with.
GR@PH;<'S (https://www.landzdown.com/Smileys/default/Hammys_pint.gif)
Plays with dolls, said his father?!
his father?! a barge pole springs to mind have you seen his dad.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
His Dad ran off with a woman down the street.
The street was the talk of the town all the gossips where in full swing with the news about Allison and Dan.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
And Dan wasn't a man.
A man has replied to the lonely hearts advert that was posted by a farmer for a BULL for his prise COW Daisy.
GR@PH;<S :Hammys pint:
"Cow Daisy just delivered a foal !" cried the immigrant farmhand.
Farmhand turned midwife when the visiting vet went into labour, both mother and daughter are doing fine.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Doing fine after a heck tick day at the office.
The office was pretty quite this last week but that can be expected when I had a pub crawl one a Monday.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
A Monday!! I thought is was a Friday. Does that mean I have to stay for the rest of the week?
The week is the time for partying as I have to have a rest on the weekend.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
The weekend came but I was too busy to do anything leisurely.
Anything leisurely in my case means I usually end up getting my chair wheels dirty.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Wheels dirty and paint peeling the car still purred like a kitten.
A kitten is so cute when they are young but watch out when they get older and turn into a lion.
A lion and a monkey make for a strange friendship.
Friendship Bracelets,
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Strange friendship could last for many years.
many years ago is a long time.
Long time we waited in A & E for a bed in A.M.U over the weekend as the hospital were short staffed.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Short staffed at a hospital is not a good thing for the customer.
The customer is always right ! until they've left the shop.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
The shop that I buy my meat from, is being investigated for selling alligators.
selling alligators, otherwise known as real estate salesmen, are somewhat different than office alligators.
Office alligators Have been blamed on the lack of Staff the boss just said oh dear (Deer :laughing:)
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Oh Dear, I have some good news and some bad news.
bad news travels rapidly as flatulence at a dinner party; be ware.
Be ware the pitfalls of eating all your Easter eggs in one go.
(https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F24.media.tumblr.com%2Ftumblr_l7mgj1g3aD1qc073co1_400.gif&hash=2c504bbcaf8d8bab77b761661f7138e45e815269)
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
one go is all you get when jumping off a mountain with a defective parachute.
Defective parachute was the cause of last nights emergency but luckily for the Jumpers his wife brock his fall :blink:
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
His fall was preceded by a push from someone in the plane.
The plane just happened to be on Auto pilot at the time the jumper was pushed.
GR@PH;<'S (https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi5.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy197%2FANG-Graphics%2Fthcoffee_zpscf290df1.gif&hash=26239a18e133675e9031c0cf793388819e1fd6a1)
Was pushed into the lake but I didn't mind it since it was very hot that day.
That day will be remembered by every one except his late wife.
GR@PH;<'S (https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi5.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy197%2FANG-Graphics%2Fthcoffee_zpscf290df1.gif&hash=26239a18e133675e9031c0cf793388819e1fd6a1)
late, wife, again?
Wife Again said one of the hospital staff she rings up every five minuets.
GR@PH;<'S (https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi5.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy197%2FANG-Graphics%2Fthcoffee_zpscf290df1.gif&hash=26239a18e133675e9031c0cf793388819e1fd6a1)
deerstalker hats are often worn by the hunters.
@ Temmu
Me thinks you been at my stash of Brandy as
Quotedeerstalker hats are often worn by the hunters.
did not use
Five minutes .
it as to use the Last Two words become the First Two Words
you should have used Five minutes at the start of your sentence.
ok I will play on from your last go.
The hunters have live opposite us for the past sixty Five years.
GR@PH;<'S (https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi5.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy197%2FANG-Graphics%2Fthcoffee_zpscf290df1.gif&hash=26239a18e133675e9031c0cf793388819e1fd6a1)
Five years ago on this very day, we had a blizzard.
A blizzard made the residence of the small village prisoner's in there own homes.
GR@PH;<'S (https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi5.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy197%2FANG-Graphics%2Fthcoffee_zpscf290df1.gif&hash=26239a18e133675e9031c0cf793388819e1fd6a1)
Quote from: GR@PH;<'S on August 01, 2013, 09:44:21 PM
@ Temmu
Me thinks you been at my stash of Brandy as Quotedeerstalker hats are often worn by the hunters.
did not use Five minutes .
lol - gee how did that happen?
own homes? yes? then you should be aware of our new five years planning!
Temmu,
Years planning! Down the drain.
GR@PH;<'S (https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi5.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy197%2FANG-Graphics%2Fthcoffee_zpscf290df1.gif&hash=26239a18e133675e9031c0cf793388819e1fd6a1)
the drain became filled with gold dust over the years, affording one man the opportunity of a lifetime!
A lifetime of work will get you great rewards.
great rewards were promised by the healthcare yes we cans, but citizens only received an early death.
Early death was contributed to the fact of smoking 100 cigarettes a day for forty years.
GR@PH;<'S (https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi5.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy197%2FANG-Graphics%2Fthcoffee_zpscf290df1.gif&hash=26239a18e133675e9031c0cf793388819e1fd6a1)
Forty years ago on this day in history, something happened.
Something happened to the forum to day the posting time between your posts is now down to just sixty Second's.
GR@PH;<'S (https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi5.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy197%2FANG-Graphics%2Fthcoffee_zpscf290df1.gif&hash=26239a18e133675e9031c0cf793388819e1fd6a1)
Sixty seconds is an eternity compared to fifty-nine seconds.
Fifty-nine seconds till the shop opens get set for the mad rush as the customers make a be-line foe the sale items.
GR@PH;<'S (https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi5.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy197%2FANG-Graphics%2Fthcoffee_zpscf290df1.gif&hash=26239a18e133675e9031c0cf793388819e1fd6a1)
Sale items are only sale items if they are on sale.
P.S. Does that make sense. Too early in the morning.
On sale again after the sale last week fell through.
-----
@BeeZee,
made perfect sense I can see Lena (http://www.landzdown.com/profile/?u=112) now poised with her credit card.
GR@PH;<'S (https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi5.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy197%2FANG-Graphics%2Fthcoffee_zpscf290df1.gif&hash=26239a18e133675e9031c0cf793388819e1fd6a1)
fell through the floor, did the meteor
The meteor could be seen for miles streaking brightly across the night sky.
night sky, old wool blanket, a thermos of hot chocolate, becky and temmu sat under the stars
The stars came out last night but I didn't see them because I was watching football.
watching football were 18 guys, eating wings, hooting and hollering, packed into the den.
(go saints!)
The den always seems to be a little on the dark side so we are having LED lights installed all over the celling.
GR@PH;<'S (https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi5.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy197%2FANG-Graphics%2Fthcoffee_zpscf290df1.gif&hash=26239a18e133675e9031c0cf793388819e1fd6a1)
The ceiling is covered in that horrible popcorn texture.
popcorn texture! o, no! anything but that!
But that! I said would be the last we ever need from them.
GR@PH;<'S (https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi5.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy197%2FANG-Graphics%2Fthcoffee_zpscf290df1.gif&hash=26239a18e133675e9031c0cf793388819e1fd6a1)
from them, charles, honestly? they could not afford the gift.
The gift of life is the best gift of all.
GR@PH;<'S (https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi5.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy197%2FANG-Graphics%2Fthcoffee_zpscf290df1.gif&hash=26239a18e133675e9031c0cf793388819e1fd6a1)
[will try this again. this is the 3rd time i have tried to submit a reply to this.]
of all the people i know, only a few are true friends!
True friends are those that are there to help you pack up and move!
and move they did!
They did it but John hurt his back picking up a toothpick.
A toothpick might help with cleaning the tight spots.
Tight Spots sell a manor of ladies hosiery.
GR@PH;<'S (https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi5.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy197%2FANG-Graphics%2Fthcoffee_zpscf290df1.gif&hash=26239a18e133675e9031c0cf793388819e1fd6a1)
Ladies hosiery has come a long way from the line down the middle of the calf.
The calf was left behind in the fields when the cows came home.
Came home last night to a horrific sound that would curl your toes, my mother-in-law flew in on her broom.
Her broom is in for it's annual service so the it looks as if the old witch is having to travel by bus.
GR@PH;<'S (https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi5.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy197%2FANG-Graphics%2Fthcoffee_zpscf290df1.gif&hash=26239a18e133675e9031c0cf793388819e1fd6a1)
by bus to hogswarts? she cried, never again!
Never again will he be asked to commentate of a game of two haves as he asked his college how many parts make the game.
GR@PH;<'S (https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi5.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy197%2FANG-Graphics%2Fthcoffee_zpscf290df1.gif&hash=26239a18e133675e9031c0cf793388819e1fd6a1)
The game ended in a tie.
A tie must be warn at all times the sign said as we entered the restaurant.
GR@PH;<'S (https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi5.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy197%2FANG-Graphics%2Fthcoffee_zpscf290df1.gif&hash=26239a18e133675e9031c0cf793388819e1fd6a1)
the restaurant that served odd animal meat assured me, it all tastes like a chicken.
A Chicken a Duck and a Turkey were all on the menu at our local restaurant this week.
GR@PH;<'S (https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi5.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy197%2FANG-Graphics%2Fthcoffee_zpscf290df1.gif&hash=26239a18e133675e9031c0cf793388819e1fd6a1)
This week has been very busy for most people because of Thanksgiving Day and Black Friday.
black friday, what a frightfully unusual name for, supposedly, something good!
Something good maybe not as it is up to me to cook this weekends Sunday lunch.
GR@PH;<'S (https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi5.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy197%2FANG-Graphics%2Fthcoffee_zpscf290df1.gif&hash=26239a18e133675e9031c0cf793388819e1fd6a1)
Sunday lunch is too far into the future to think about what is on the menu.
The menu was so big I thought I was going to sped the rest of my retirement a the restaurant.
GR@PH;<'S (https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi5.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy197%2FANG-Graphics%2Fthcoffee_zpscf290df1.gif&hash=26239a18e133675e9031c0cf793388819e1fd6a1)
The restaurant that I went to last week, was shut down do to food-no-goodus which is a rare form of food indigestion.
Food indigestion use gaviscon as it works a treat.
GR@PH;<'S (https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi5.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy197%2FANG-Graphics%2Fthcoffee_zpscf290df1.gif&hash=26239a18e133675e9031c0cf793388819e1fd6a1)
a treat comprised of the extra large supreme pizza, a liter of coke, and a giant sundae!
Giant sundae free with every Oder over £5 the waitress said to my partner.
GR@PH;<'S (https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi5.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy197%2FANG-Graphics%2Fthcoffee_zpscf290df1.gif&hash=26239a18e133675e9031c0cf793388819e1fd6a1)
My partner put her cold feet on my backside and pushed me out of bed because I didn't want to get up this morning.
This morning the postman seems to be struggling to carry his mail bag perhaps he should get one like Santa's.
GR@PH;<'S (https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi5.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy197%2FANG-Graphics%2Fthcoffee_zpscf290df1.gif&hash=26239a18e133675e9031c0cf793388819e1fd6a1)
Like Santa's reindeer, my dog sled dogs can travel great distances.
Great distances are traveled in just one shift for the hospital staff walking back and forth.
GR@PH;<'S (https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi5.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy197%2FANG-Graphics%2Fthcoffee_zpscf290df1.gif&hash=26239a18e133675e9031c0cf793388819e1fd6a1)
and forth, said the sergeant, eat all of your meal!
Your meal will be delivered within 30 minuets or you get to have it for free.
GR@PH;<'S (https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi5.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy197%2FANG-Graphics%2Fthcoffee_zpscf290df1.gif&hash=26239a18e133675e9031c0cf793388819e1fd6a1)
"For Free" said the store clerk but by time you read the fine print it will cost you an arm and a leg.
a leg was missing from the baroque table in the basement.
Deerstalker hat at least kept my ears warm shame it did not improve my aim while out shooting.
GR@PH;<'S (https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi5.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy197%2FANG-Graphics%2Fthcoffee_zpscf290df1.gif&hash=26239a18e133675e9031c0cf793388819e1fd6a1)
Quote from: Temmu on January 20, 2014, 08:17:46 AM
a leg was missing from the baroque table in the basement.
GR@PH;<'S, what about Temmus' sentence ending in "the basement".
The basement was filled with deerstalker hats
@BeeZee what can I say to much coffee
GR@PH;<'S (https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi5.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy197%2FANG-Graphics%2Fthcoffee_zpscf290df1.gif&hash=26239a18e133675e9031c0cf793388819e1fd6a1)
Deerstalker hats went on sale because the summer clothing was coming out.
Coming out this afternoon to the shopping mall, if so I'll ask Mary if she can drive us.
GR@PH;<'S (https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi5.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy197%2FANG-Graphics%2Fthcoffee_zpscf290df1.gif&hash=26239a18e133675e9031c0cf793388819e1fd6a1)
Drive us to the ice cream parlour for some moose tracks.
Moose tracks were seen on the bend just in time for the train to come to a halt.
(Please note NO Moose were hurt in the posting of this topic :hysterical:)
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
A halt was noticed after the soccer player was kicked in the chin.
The chin is the best place for me to rest a pint glass.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
pint glass? on the shelf.
The shelf was he always the good guy in those spaghetti Weston's
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Quote from: GR@PH;<'S on February 26, 2014, 09:21:19 PM
The shelf was he always the good guy in those spaghetti Weston's
spahetti weston's, a cheesy italian restaurant, whose motto is, "sobriety last"
Sobriety last Test is where most fail just before the Judge rules them to pay a heavy fine & indelicate AA meetings.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
aa meetings result in meetings at the bar after the session.
The session was extremely gratifying.
extremely gratifying though it was, it is the reason one attends aa meetings.
AA meetings this week do not be late I'll get the drinks in I hope the meetings as good as the RAC one.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
rac one, said he, to the damsel.
The damsel has long tresses that get caught on branches as she walks through the forest.
the forest is under threat one more.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
One more Scotch on the rocks, and then I really must hit the can.
the can continued to tumble down the road.
The road happened to be made of patterns in brick.
in brick, quipped suzie, how quaint, most are made of whale skin.
whale skin wallets are made in china now that's not such a surprise.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
a surprise would be, it's not made in china!
I remember playing at tea parties with a child sized china tea set.
Tea set was ok it I dropped a cup .
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
:look:
You broke a cup?
A cup will have to be replaced after one was Broken.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Was broken but it can't be replaced as it was an priceless heirloom.
Priceless heirloom was found on the Antique Road Show last night.
last night it was discovered that it's difficult to make a decent sentence with some of these word pairs.
folks, be considerate of the next author - you can tell if your sentence ends with words with which it is improbable to start a decent sentence!
Word pairs, not picking hairs, fill language with never-ending sunshine and delight, 'twas once stated.
Once stated, words are hard to take back.
Take back that garment that you brought as you need a smaller size.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Smaller size egos tend to enlarge considerably when stoked with multiple pats on the back.
The back seat of our car is in need of cleaning as I had to put my muddy Wheel Chair in the back of the car instead of the boot (Trunk)
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
The boot was given to the old administration, yet the new administration walks, talks, and looks just like the old.
The old grey goose, she ain't what she used to be.
smaller size(d) dirigibles were seen flying over the beach during d-day.
Temmu. Are we playing the same game? :wink:
To be over-the-moon in love, magically immersed in the fire of her passionate eyes, was my daydream, yet my harsh reality was cold Swanson TV dinners eaten alone and in the dark.
i must have landed on the previous page and posted. sorry.
the dark, dank, cool of the drafty one room flat only accentuated the loss of my cessna citation.
(https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.cessna.com%2F%7E%2Fmedia%2FImages%2FAircraft%2Fcitation%2Fmasthead-citation-plane.ashx&hash=2ef6d67163299beccb41b00334c93245baab2520)
Cessna citation in hand, I promised myself -- and my trusty co-pilot, "Fido" -- to never-again try and taxi in the fog, thereby putting our vessel and our lives at risk by being on the wrong runway when an international 747 Heavy is approaching.
is approaching, i cried!
I cried with joy when Uncle Bob handed me the keys to my very own John Deere tractor and said "Well then, boy, let's go plow them potato fields!"
Potato fields are as I type being dug in hope of a bumper crop.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
"Bumper crop?", she bemoaned, "Those are just two small potatoes!"
small potatoes, especially the little red ones, are wonderful in an irish stew.
Irish stew, a freshly poured Guinness, and a fire crackling in the hearth informed me that I was reaching Heaven.
reaching heaven, although scoffed at by some, is the ultimate goal of most people.
Most people seem to get tax refunds around this time of year :2cents: :2cents: :2cents:
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
'Of year', 'of decade', and 'of century' rarely matters to Father Time, as 'of the moment' is the general barometer of human happiness.
human happiness can come from money, wine, women or song, but joy is from the LORD.
The Lord may giveth and The Lord may taketh away, but only Joni Mitchell knows how to pave paradise and drive a Big Yellow Taxi.
yellow taxis are often used police vehicles.
Police vehicles were quickly on the scene after receiving the report of the Monday morning run on the glazed donuts.
Glazed donuts are now on sale.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
On sale from last week's price, I quickly pounced on two cases of 'Flushy Fresh' toilet cleaner.
toilet cleaner is responsible for 85% of clean toilets.
Clean toilets informed us that our maid was correctly doing her job.
her job consisted of polishing the brass and ensuring clean toilets
Clean toilets, a refurbished kitchen, new carpets, and a hot tub excited the potential home buyer, but what really tickled her fancy was the clean toilets.
clean toilets are not found in the home of the slothful, who are loath to clean toilets.
:dance:
Clean toilets never fail to put a wide knowing smile on the faces of aficionados of clean toilets.
Clean toilets are always welcomed when your out for a days shopping.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Days shopping in Bora Bora were augmented with days lounging and days just getting incredibly, fashionably, and mindlessly drunk.
Mindlessly drunk were Paddy & I for most of last year.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Last year you said you'd love me next year, yet this year you tell me you loved me last year. :breakkie:
Last year we had a new edition to our family His name is Charlie he is a miniature Yorkshire Terrier.
(https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi5.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy197%2FANG-Graphics%2F1_zps95214a93.jpg&hash=96d789ceb4baea4bbcdb824a2fb387933a1ae544) (http://s5.photobucket.com/user/ANG-Graphics/media/1_zps95214a93.jpg.html)
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Yorkshire terrier, bull mastiff, and black Labrador aside, us bumpkins all know that English border collies are the true champs when it comes to herding sheep.
Herding sheep on their quad bike's seems to be the norm these days for farmers.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
for farmers children are finding it increasingly difficult to farm for a living, though they grew up with it.
With it, I am happy, yet without it, I am sad, so I just don't get it.
get it, and get it now, the young mrs. beasly barked at her husband.
Her husband, as he lay dying, said "Thank you, Lord, for finally setting me free from this nagging witch!"
Nagging witch as well as being nagging wife :tease:
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
"Nagging wife?", my doctor guffawed, "No, your real problem is your 2 pack a day ciggy habit and bulging waistline."
Bulging waistline was the cause of my trousers popping open and falling to the floor.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
The floor to some is the ceiling to others, and the art of life is finding that golden balance of the middle ground.
Middle Ground Theatre Company has have been producing quality drama for over 26 years.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
"Twenty-six years is a long time to be on the Net without a clue about computers", said my professor, yet I replied "That's OK, I've been stupid for over double that time."
That time of year again cake ordered meal booked, beer and the wine on ice :flowers: Happy Anniversary Netty :flowers: :hug:
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
"Anniversary Netty", typed the computer geek for the upcoming alumni-association party, his mind surely not on the task at hand.
At hand was just a hammer and an adjustable spanner but he did manage fix the car.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Much like women, the car that gave me the most thrills and tickets was my '87 Ford Mustang GT, yet the car that never broke down, never talked back, and always greeted me with a warm purr when I turned the key was my '81 Toyota Corolla station wagon.
Quote from: JDBush61 on August 27, 2014, 12:28:50 AM
Much like women, the car that gave me the most thrills and tickets was my '87 Ford Mustang GT, yet the car that never broke down, never talked back, and always greeted me with a warm purr when I turned the key was my '81 Toyota Corolla station wagon.
Oooops! I forgot how to play the game. :wink:
The car that gave me the most thrills and tickets was my '87 Ford Mustang GT, yet the car that never broke down, never talked back, and always greeted me with a warm purr when I turned the key was my '81 Toyota Corolla
station wagon.
"Station wagon" and "sleek" are never used in the same sentence.
Same sentence syndrome is why I repeat these words over and over.
And over and over again.
Over again, how I lose while playing Blackjack.
Playing blackjack in Vegas, I hate it when the house plants a shill, usually a fairly attractive "too-friendly" female, next to me at the table to disrupt the deal and make the table icy cold when I'm on a winning streak.
Winning streak records were set at the University of Georgia, on March 7, 1974, with 1,543 simultaneous streakers
The current record for the largest group streak was established , with on
It was a day like no other as at the University of Georgia on March 7, 1974 there were 1,543 simultaneous streakers witch is one record I think will take some beating.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Simultaneous streakers have been known to gather for a short time and run in counterclockwise circles in a 20-meter-diameter iron skillet to do their "flash in the pan".
The pan was so dirty, that after an hour of scouring, I just tossed it in the garbage.
The garbage is normally emptied on a Wednesday but for some reason they did not turn up to empty your wheelie bin.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Wheelie bin design does not meet local "bear proof" standards, but it might serve for recycling paper.
Recycling paper is definitely not on my mind when I crumple the daily news each morning and stuff it under the kindling to light my campfire. :breakkie:
My campfire sent smoke into the eyes of anyone within ten paces.
ten paces due east of the mango tree and i can begin digging for the buried treasure!
Buried treasure maps were sold to gullible marks by the dozen.
The dozen men were more commonly known as The Dirty Dozen, and what a fine war film it was.
It was a dark and stormy night, according to Snoopy.
To Snoopy, chocolate chip cookies are the cat's meow, yet donuts, pizza, and angle food cake make him just as happy.
As happy as he was with his job, the rest of his life stunk.
Life stunk until we won ten million on the on the lottery.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
The lottery has been called a tax on the mathematically challenged, but since I know a math major who indulged, let's just call it a tax on the stupid.
The stupid man that I am, I thought that my wages were not income, because my labor is exchanged for them, thus taxing them violates my right to property. :breakkie:
To property owners, real estate taxes on non-income producing homes, seem extremely regressive.
Extremely regressive was the fair princess when the puckering old toad offered his cute, let slimy, webbed leg in marriage.
In marriage ceremonies, the presence of a shotgun ensures compliance.
"Ensures compliance!" chuckled the mafia boss as he stuck his snub-nosed .38 in my face.
My face was never in a wanted poster.
Wanted poster for sale for $100.00 if you mail us cash in a manila envelope to a secret post office box in California.
In California, earthquakes seldom induce panic.
Induce panic by creating the fear of a market collapse, then rob the taxpayers to bail out Wall Street.
Wall Street bankers might be former hippies.
Former hippies no longer say "Nature is my mother and my brother every man".
Every man he saw was wearing the same big stupid grin.
Stupid grin aside, there's no disputing that I am the winner.
The winner laughed when the loser cried foul.
"Cried foul, got upset, grabbed my ball, and just decided to come home" was the boy's reply when his parents asked why he wasn't still at baseball practice.
Baseball practice was always embarrassing for the clumsiest kids.
Clumsiest kids are always trying to do the right thing but some how nearly always fail.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Always fail at first to make your opponent overconfident.
"Opponent overconfident!" my tennis coach whispered into my ear as I stood to serve the first game of the third set in the Wimbledon finals against Roger Federer.
Roger Federer, never heard of him.
Of him, I know not, but of you, I am well aware and am completely and utterly disgusted.
Utterly disgusted with society, he became a hermit.
A hermit walked into town after living in his mountaintop cave for the past 55 years, living solely on nuts, fruits, and the gifts of nature, and asked "Can someone please tell me when Jimi Hendrix's new album is scheduled for release?"
For release agents, the molding department used compounds containing silicone.
Containing silicone, the implants were subsequently judged unsafe and were replaced with saline.
With saline intolerant species, you need a fresh water environment.
Water environment species often stay submerged, yet ducks love taking to the wing.
The Buffalo wing was too spicy for his bland taste.
RED CARD! :wink: (the last two words become the first two words)
Bland taste, poor service, and hairs in the soup informed my wife and I to never eat there again.
there again? cried suzette, i thing we were lost hours ago.
Deerstalker hat prices have gone up since Sherlock made them the sleuth's trademark apparel.
(The last two words become the first two words :smiley:)
Trademark apparel wasn't on my mind when I wore Levi jeans, Fruit of the Loom undies, and a Hanes t-shirt, as they were just "clothing" that everybody wore when I was a teenager.
A teenager with a good head on his shoulders would be daniil kvyat an up and coming F1 champion in the making.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Quote from: JDBush61 on October 12, 2014, 08:26:50 PM
(The last two words become the first two words :smiley:)
(Sorry, somehow I ended up on page one)
The making of an effective soldier starts long before basic training.
Basic training, a few days on the job, and a crash course in antivirus software led Bob to think that he had conquered the Internet.
The internet is like going to the library.
The library, the bookstore, and the drugstore magazine rack are all now in ruins due to the Amazon-size flood of online literature offerings.
Literature offerings were easy courses for improving ones grade point average.
Point average notwithstanding, Otis skipped class to enjoy an ice cream at the beach.
The beach was really too crowed for fishing, until I started catching sharks.
Catching shark can be dangerous, especially if you are trying to retrieve the hook.
The hook being the selling point of all hit songs, the record company exec told the aspiring songwriter "Don't bore us, get us to the chorus!"
The chorus preferred to be known as the choir.
The choir rehearsal schedule always seemed to conflict with his soccer practices.
Soccer practices were where they ogled the soccer moms.
Soccer practices used to be on the south side of town, now that are on the east side.
East side soccer moms now take there kids to the south side.
south side of thr town are alll the best shops.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Best shops may not be where you expect them.
Expect them, and rewards never come.
Never come, if you weren't invited, unless you have rejection tolerance.
Rejection tolerance is the crutch used by unlucky date seekers.
Date seekers may just be lonely.
Be lonely, yet confident, until others rise to your perfection.
Your perfection obsession is not winning you the admiration you expect.
You expect a time and place to rise to my perfection, yet the time is never, and the place is for you to figure out.
Figure out how to beat the system, then they change the rules.
The rules don't apply to me, because I'm too stupid to understand the rules.
The rules are simple, avoid too much over thinking.
Over-thinking the situation always leads to a clumsy approach and a sterile, robotic performance.
Robotic performance on simple tasks, often exceeds human performance.
Human performance is often determined by caloric intake.
Caloric intake is the whole point of eating food.
Eating food, when carefully selected, shouldn't result in getting fat.
Getting fat, before winter, is a bear's survival mechanism.
Survival mechanism(s), in stress provoking situations, take precedence of programming in all humans.
All humans don't think alike.
Think alike, act alike, be of like mind: are those examples of being consistent or going along with the crowd?
The crowd quickly admonished the loner, merely to teach him that the nail that sticks up gets hammered down.
Hammered down nails are serving their purpose.
Their purpose has yet to be elucidated, but then again, I like a little mystery in life.
In life, there are many bad choices made that we'd rather forget.
Rather forget the two birds in the bush, as I have one in the hand.
The hand is quicker than the eye, if you're not paying attention.
Paying attention to EULAs and windows that pop up during software installation helps keep the computer malware free.
"Malware free!", she joyfully exclaimed after receiving expert help from the LandzDown pros.
LandzDown pros do the best they can and are very happy when the person they help learns something useful during the process of cleaning the computer.
The computer terminal went down for four hours witch was not good as I was doing the weekly online brandy order.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Brandy order invoices should be kept hidden from your spouse.
Your spouse trusts you to pick up groceries on the way home, knowing you are really stopping off at the pub for a shandy.
A shandy in hand and six under the belt, the pints still tasted great but could no longer be felt.
Be felt as a "pain", and you'll get a certain amount of cooperation from people, who'd rather do what you want, than listen to you any longer.
Any longer endured, I doubt that I can continue to combat these nasty Trojan attacks.
Trojan attacks were not the Spartan's problem, their defense was.
Defense was always considered preferable to offense.
To offense is human, to nurture, divine.
Nurture divine beliefs, and avoid evil behavior.
Evil behavior is sometimes disguised as benevolent selfless assistance.
Selfless assistance often has selfish motives.
Selfish motives rarely benefit the seething masses.
Seething masses need to be appeased.
Be appeased, my friends, as today is Thanksgiving Day!
Thanksgiving Day is why wild turkeys are so mean.
So mean to be cruel, so nice to show compassion.
Show compassion, it's not a crime to be incredibly stupid.
"Incredibly stupid ideas", chimed Mark, "sometimes blossom into multi-billion-dollar Wall-Street IPOs."
Wall-Street IPOs can be risky without proper research.
Proper research is required when doing malware removal.
Malware removal subverts their business model.
Business model, venture capital, and corporate structure are all less important than one great idea.
Great idea, let's run it up the flagpole, and see if anybody salutes.
"Anybody salutes" can be given to neighbors, the milk man, your dentist, and even the high-school basketball coach, however, you might be deemed one brick short of a full load.
Full load minimizes the impact of certain water consuming appliances.
Consuming appliances, as well as obsessing on appearances, is a large part of what fuels the economy.
The economy will follow the laws of supply and demand, but we'll blame the politicians anyway.
Politicians anyway are always telling us they willed this that and the other then when elected it's sod you I'm ok.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
"I'm ok", were his last words, just before he lost consciousness.
Lost consciousness, woke up, downed another bottle of Scotch, and passed right out again.
Out again, not a good sign if you're an ambitious boxer.
Coming soon to MOCA, "Ambitious boxer relegated to gymnasium toilet cleaner", the new painting by Andrew Wyeth.
Andrew Wyeth refused to paint my house brown.
Oops! I forgot how to play this game in my previous post. :wink:
House brown, shades down, no frown, and ready to hit the town.
The town keeps reelecting the same council regardless of the regularity of tax increases.
Tax increases, wage decreases, and expired leases turned the corporate exec into an alcoholic.
An alcoholic beverage, used in moderation, is pointless.
"Is pointless", she sighed.
she sighed, never again will I take the bus into town.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Into town hall, we installed new bureaucratic looking wallpaper.
Looking wallpaper over first, then off to look a fabric swatches for the new sofa, followed by a sushi-shop dinner, my wife and I experienced West-East marital bliss.
Marital bliss lasted about thirty years, then she morphed into housewife mode.
Housewife mode initiated, she did the laundry, vacuumed the floors, cleaned the kitchen, went grocery shopping, made lamb-chop marinade, fed the cat, and sat down with a nice cup of tea to watch As The World Turns.
World Turns up side down when the A&E (ER) department tells you your loved ones terminal :blink: :thud:
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Ones terminal diagnosis puts things in perspective.
In perspective, things made much more sense than originally thought.
Originally thought-out plans were quickly pushed to the wayside once the Jamestown Colonists became aware of the harsh realities of a brutally cold winter in North America.
Originally, thought was frowned upon by authoritarian rulers.
North American weather isn't bad once you prepare.
You prepare for the future, yet daily events alter your course.
Your course choices are interesting, but they don't get you any closer to an engineering degree.
Engineering degree in hand, Mr. Gates said farewell to his part-time job and opened the Microsoft Corporation.
Microsoft Corporation does not rule the world yet.
World yet unfinished, the Almighty took a day off to celebrate his son's birthday and play a round of golf.
Of golf and golfing on telivision, I'd rather go to the dentist for a root canal.
"Root canal?", granny asked her dentist in disbelief, as she was a denture wearer.
Denture wearer products are unconscionably ineffective.
Unconscionably inneffective Internet security advice chewed up countless hours of my time.
My time could be spent more productively.
More productively used, time becomes your friend, not your foe.
Your foe can sometimes be forgiven, but never trusted.
Never trusted those snow tires we had on our car.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Our car lasted 26 years, then parts availability became a inconvenient problem.
Inconvenient problem suddenly at hand, the exec quickly excused himself from the meeting and sprinted to the men's room.
Men's room facilities, in most airports, could use a more frequent cleaning.
Frequent cleaning eventually wore the finish off the neck of my prized '59 Les Paul.
Les Paul, in the guitar world, is one of its iconic heroes.
Iconic heroes should never be confused with ego-laden, power-hungry dominating dictators.
Dominating dictators methods usually include intimidation.
Include intimidation, eliminate escape routes, and smoke Lt. Columbo cigars will sometimes help when attempting to force prime suspects to admit the facts.
The facts became secondary to the political agenda.
Political agenda aside, Hillary just strikes me as both disingenuous and downright dangerous.
Downright dangerous dragonflies are brutal killers.
Brutal killers are abhorrent and should be avoided, yet they are also people, and sometimes enjoy watching Don Quixote being performed by The Bolshoi.
The Bolshoi came to town, yet I could not attend the show because I was too busy playing word games at LandzDown.
At LandzDown, computer and internet security are occasionally mentioned.
Occasionally mentioned about the lack of spirits in the lounge.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
The lounge chair, cigars, and bourbon may be the keys to my unhealthy lifestyle.
Unhealthy lifestyles choices are not those that include cigars, bourbon, and lazing around on a lounge chair.
Lounge chair cushions get worn out by sedentary loafers.
Sedentary loafers you'll never see one out of a job.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
A job interview is probably a good time to wear shoes.
Wear shoes at least, when mucking out the stalls!
The stalls are never clean enough on race day.
Race day over, I dropped anchor on my Hinckley 42 Sou'wester in Abaco Bay and went swimming with the dolphins.
The dolphins followed the boat, while we were cleaning our catch, begging for discarded scraps.
Discarded scraps was all the soup kitchen had on offer.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
On offer items were rapidly dwindling, as the store was going out of business shortly.
Business shortly was to determine the amount of stock left?
Stock left with the broker and forgotten can yield an unanticipated windfall, but more often just becomes worthless.
Becomes worthless is just about how I feel every time the Doctors do there morning rounds.
( :muahaha: wish I could do more )
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Lazy interns use "morning rounds" to describe eating donuts.
Eating donuts was never part of my routine, as I've been allergic to eggs since birth.
Since birth control became reliable, families got smaller.
"Got smaller cried the baker!" Every time I order they change proportions'!
Change proportions and you defeat the purpose of a traditional recipe.
Traditional recipe thrown to the wind, I put salt, milk, peanut butter, cheese, and a slice of tuna in the blender and challenged myself to gulp down that unworldly concoction of insane delight.
Insane delight with evil, motivates the comic book supervillan.
I really have a favorite book supervillain, I like a host of them myself.
Them myself and my wife were a asked if we would like to take part.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Take part of the cake, the whole thing would just be gluttony.
Be gluttony or go hungry.
Go hungry now and then before meditation.
Before meditation, you should remind yourself that you are an ordinary person.
Ordinary person, is beyond accurate definition.
Accurate definition I was Blind drunk I tried to walk to the bar I just fell over mind you I not been able to walk for the last twenty five years.
( :blink: I do try after a bottle or too)
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Five years ago, Bourbon was my libation of choice, now it's just water. :(
just water What no barley, hops, yeast :blink: Just water what is the world coming to.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Coming to a "certain age" is not without it's frustrations.
it's frustrations I told him, as he was in need of sorting them out.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Them out laws are running out of rifle ammunition.
Rifle ammunition from the second world war is still being found to this day.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
This day, we're having the second snowstorm this week, and it's only Tuesday.
Only Tuesday was the last available time slot he had so I booked it.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Booked, it was the last seat available.
Seat available with satellite navigation, full leather interior at trade prices.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Trade prices are normally not available to the average consumer.
Average consumer wants better quality at a fair price.
Fair price and warranty policies seldom survive the legal department's scrutiny.
Department's scrutiny is at best, just getting by.
Getting by all the obstacles, while crawling under machine gun fire, was the goal in the infiltration course.
Infiltration course proved to be most difficult.
Most difficult tasks can be delegated to subordinate toadies.
Unfortunately many of us have had to deal with subordinate toadies during our lifetimes.
Our lifetimes experiences affect our behavior patterns.
Behavior patterns of the five year olds were very close to those that were Ninety years there elders.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Their elders will only share tribal secrets with male subordinates.
Male subordinates, with a female supervisor, suddenly stop acting like frat boys publicly.
Boys publicly continue to act like frat boys, however, when the female supervisor is on vacation. :D
"On vacation, closed this month", was not what I wanted to see on the door to the only bar within staggering distance.
Staggering distance between John that Finnish in two hours and ten minuets and Ryan who finished in Five hours and twenty-Five minuets we think that Ryan may have stopped at the Bulls head for refreshments :GRAFX: :GRAFX: :GRAFX: :GRAFX: :GRAFX:
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
For refreshments, we need a bar that we can return from on foot, without being arrested for driving in that unseemly condition.
Unseemly condition that her torn coat and broken heels appeared to be to those who saw her, the lady continued steadfastly, albeit somewhat lopsided due to the damaged shoes, to her destination with her head held high.
Held high in defiance, Charlton Heston raised his rifle and told the NRA attendees "From my cold dead hands!"
Dead hands, from the ranch wars, were interred unceremoniously on Boot Hill.
Boot Hill was not the place to take problematic computers.
Problematic computers can find needed help on certain forums.
[Welcome, Wolfey. Glad to see you're branching out from the The Werewolf & Ferret Pub in Yorkshire. Have a nice stay.] :thumbsup:
Cheers Norm :GRAFX:
The Werewolf and Ferret is still warm and cosy and all are welcome anytime.
Bob
Certain forums make out to be what they are not and are also ignorant to boot.
To boot up your computer, press the power button
Problematic computers keep the IT department employed.
Department employed speedboats chased down the Caribbean cocaine smugglers.
Cocaine smugglers supply dentists with a haul.
A haul that was huge.
"... was huge", said the angler, but I think he was lying.
Was lying ever forbidden in political discourse?
Political discourse is anything but the truth.
The Truth Will Set You Free.
You free the drumsticks first in order to remove the packaged neck, heart and liver from the turkey.
The turkey tail feather was used to represent the wing case on the fly used to imitate mayfly nymphs.
Mayfly nymphs really love algae
"Love algae" is not a phrase heard often among carnivores.
Among carnivores,algae is not on the menu.
The menu in the Werewolf and Ferret pub has Wolfeymole's finest turkey madras curry listed.
Curry listed as a main ingredient enhances bar sales revenues significantly.
Revenues significantly dropped yesterday but, today we are ahead of the scale.
The scale was doctored to exaggerate the size of the salmo trutta.
Salmo Trutta are some of the finest to fish for when native.
When native, they will be somewhere in Eurasia.
In Eurasia you find many things very different to home.
OH, HO!! When native, they will be somewhere in Eurasia. (literal)
To home we repaired after a dreadful evening at the music hall.
Music hall performances have much to be desired.
Be desired, that's just a stupid thing to say said the ugly duckling to the swan.
The swan said...thats the pot calling the kettle black.
Kettle, black with burnt food, needed cleaning badly.
Cleaning badly he thought,yes it needed cleaning as he thought about it over a beer.
A beer is the staff of life.
Of life, I know little, yet of love, I'm a genius.
A genius is smarter than the average bear.
Average bear weight of coastal populations of male grizzlies is about is about three hundred pounds more than the average for inland populations.
Inland populations often notice that if seagulls are flying around it is rough weather at the coast.
The coast of Maine is famous for its beautiful rocky coast and offshore islands, and seeing/driving it should be on your bucket list.
Bucket list is needed by some that have retired as after the first few month you need some thing to keep you busy.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
"You busy?" said the foreman to the idle apprentice, "if not then go and get me a bucket of steam".
"Of steam?", answered the apprentice, "I'll get some from the steam trap shortly".
"Trap?, Shortly?" offered the foreman, "there is no such thing you buffoon, now obtain a tin of Tartan Paint so that I may complete my work and don't confuse it with a tin of Elbow Grease either".
Grease either fitting, they both go to the same bearing.
"Same bearing Captain?" asked the helmsman.
The helmsman ignored the navigator, and sailed into waters controlled by the enemy, who promptly sank them.
Sank them to their watery grave, but before doing so the Captain shot the navigator for his incompetence. The last thing to go down was the ships nest.
Ships nest, aka crows nest, was a more common feature prior to the invention of functional radar.
Functional radar suddenly became dysfunctional and the planes in the area where grossly endangered.
Grossly endangered of late, '50s charm, wit, style, class, and courtesy are hopefully soon on the comeback.
The comeback trail is littered with barely known and well known stars.
Known stars litter Hollywood.
Litter Hollywood with the debris left by fawning tourists.
Fawning tourists flock to Disneyland in the hope of recreating long lost youth
Lost youth group leaders weren't lost, but hiding from manipulative parents.
Manipulative parents usually produce psychopaths in the long term.
Long term planning doesn't necessarily foresee every possible contingency.
The Only possible contingency in the plan has, been covered sufficiently!
Covered sufficiently with camouflage paint, we were almost invisible.
Almost invisible is not the same as disappearing completely.
Disappearing completely is the Illusionists ultimate, even though not obtainable, tool.
Obtainable tool sets were priced to sell.
To sell anything, one only needs the gift of gab.
Of gab, the old crone was the master of it
Of IT, seven outcast kids known as "The Loser Club" fight an evil demon who poses as a child-killing clown.
Killing Clown, or as he became known, Killer Clown, was the moniker attached to John Wayne Gacy, executed in 1994
In 1994 NAFTA went into affect and middle class americans have suffered ever since.
Ever since Britain entered the EU we have suffered continually.
If you think you have problems trading with only 3 countries (besides more obviously) Ken, try the whole of Europe and their economic stability. :2cents:
LOL...i bet.
Suffered continually,is what the Exodus movie was implying .
Was implying that his motives were questionable a tactical blunder?
Tactical blunder? Undoubtedly it would have been, should Churchill have declared war on the Soviets in 1945.
In 1945, Franklin D. Roosevelt was inaugurated to a fourth term.
Forth term? He must have been a popular bloke.
A popular bloke he was,he initiated the New Deal.
New deal was necessary after he dropped all the cards on the wet floor clumsily.
"New Deal, said the CEO, we can conquer this thing together!
Oh dear Niecarrah you've fallen for the three card trick mate.
The last words by Pete were "floor clumsily". :)
:look: Oops!!!!
Floor clumsily shook itself and then laid back flat in that cartoon. Ha ha!
That cartoon character reminds me of a certain former mayor.
Former Mayor Dippenschnort seemed mostly fill with gas.
With gas, fully loaded and firing on all burners, the hot air balloon rose majestically.
Rose majestically on her broomstick and dashed away!
"Dashed away!" replied the bartender when I asked him the location of the stunning blonde I spied from across the room.
The room grew hazy with smoke as the evening wore on.
Wore on, and on until I no longer cared what the speech was about, just when it was going to be over!
Be over protective twards proteges, and they'll never be self sufficient.
Self sufficient workers are usually the ones the company tends to over look.
Over look the boss's weaknesses, emphasize his strengths, and just keep on fawning.
On fawning, it is my opinion that you should always shower your prescious darling with endless compliments, and sometimes a rose and box of Swiss chocolates.
Swiss chocolates are, in my opinion when compared to British chocolates, vastly overrated and are sweet and sickly.
And sickly supersneezers in the amphitheater were acting like a bunch of Typhoid Marys.
Typhoid Mary's condition of her freedom was a promise that she would no longer earn her income working as a cook.
A cook is not the best choice for a mortal enemy.
Mortal enemy and yet a friend are they.
Are they coming, or shall we delay the proceedings again?
Proceedings again have been delayed indefinitely.
Delayed indefinitely, I gave up on my flight to Tahiti and decided to instead get smashed at the local pub.
Local pub owners conspired to delay compliance with the ridiculous new curfew.
New curfew enforced, Baltimore protesters stayed inside and surfed the Net.
The Net was too small to scoop up that four foot long pike.
Long Pike in Northern Minnesota is a lonely stretch of Highway.
Of highway, this one is a doosie, when it comes to danger!
To danger lovers, skydiving is a tame hobby.
Tame hobby enthusiasts will never know the sheer thrill of walking barefoot on hot coals.
Hot coals from a campfire sparked a fast moving forest fire!
Forest fire fighters included volunteers from out of state correctional facilities.
Correctional facilities are in need of an overall in the UK as according to government they need millions of pounds spending on them.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
On them, I usually feel safe, yet when standing under bridges during an earthquake I get nervous.
Get nervous when you find yourself standing between the cubs and Momma Bear.
Momma Bear was also angry as someone had not only sat in her chair and eaten her porridge but had also lay on her bed.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Her bed was spread with the finest silks and her pillows filled with the rarest down, yet I just knew her as 'Mom'.
As "Mom" would have said, "It is a fine day to hang-out the laundry."
The laundry room in the hotel was in the basement level under the "economy" suites.
"Economy" suites are for the bourgeois, I preferred the Motel 6 $9.95 "We'll leave the lights on for ya" discount rooms circa 1979.
Circa 1979, 1st brother Billy Carter amuses everyone but the White House apologists.
House apologists consist of the children that were guilty by association.
By association, I was automatically grouped with those who appreciate fun word games at LandzDown.
At LandzDown I keep seeing familiar screen names from other forums, only a few of them don't seem to be the same person.
Deerstalker hats are more than welcome to be worn here as long as they are Made fromi genuine Irish tweed.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Irish tweed looks damn stylish when standing at the pub tipping a Guinness.
A Guinness, I say A Guinness, No way I will have a dozen if I so choose!
So choose a boat,
and set her afloat,
then sail the world's seas,
and have a good gloat!"
Good gloat opportunities follow an inept opponent's false braggadocio.
False braggadocio is surely just folly, unless the true plans are expertly laid out far in advance.
In advance of the disaster, there were warnings that seem obvious in hindsight.
In hindsight, leaving my helicopter parked in Times Square with no money in the meter was a big mistake.
Big mistake was made in determining his eligibility.
His eligibility for employment was based strictly upon nepotism.
Upon nepotism, I have no opinion, yet upon catechism, I must admit that I used to be forced to attend classes.
Attend classes, read a book, or learn by experience, but don't just stand there with your mouth hanging open.
Hanging open off it's hinges the door would need rehanging .
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
"Need rehanging", chanted the lynch mob, when the horse thief appeared to have survived the first attempted execution.
Attempted execution of a three point turn on a main road is not recommended.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
"Not recommended", was the general consensus about Russian Roulette.
Russian Roulette is an asinine game, of which I would never be part of!
Part of our town goes underwater every time a hurricane strikes.
Hurricane strikes forced us to sell our island in the Bahamas.
The Bahamas was once a haven for pirates, including the infamous Blackbeard.
Infamous Blackbeard tales kept me awake at night in my youth.
My youth group has begun to practice cheers for next term.
Next-term essays were requested by the new head of the English class.
English class always topped the list for me..
For me to think that I am even mildly talented at solving computer problems would be completely asinine.
Completely asinine laws are being passed by the President!
"The President!", Monica replied when asked who stained her blue dress.
Blue dress in the Smithsonian, belongs to Marilyn.
To Marilyn, lovers of blondes tend to gravitate, yet I have always preferred Sophia Loren.
Sophia Loren's performance in Two Woman earned her the Academy Award for Best Actress in 1962 and made her the first artist to win an Oscar for a foreign-language performance.
Language performance is what should, and usually does, earn a DJ his coveted position at a radio station.
Radio station rants have become part of the political zeitgeist.
Political Zeitgeist said the school teacher and it must be at least two thousand words and be on my desk by Friday
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
By Friday, I'll have earned another $2,000.00, yet by Monday, I'll have blown that wad on cheap booze and loose women.
Loose women is an afternoon TV program over this side of the pond.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
The pond is full of invasive water plants!
Water plants are indigenous to South East Asia.
East Asia, the South Pacific, Maine, and the Caribbean are all wonderful places to live the sailing life.
Sailing life can be very relaxing but, sometimes more than one could handle.
Could handle the hot sauce, but those jalapenos set my tongue on fire!
On fire place mantles, you can often find s collection of expensive, but useless, decorative items.
Decorative items turn a 58-foot nondescript sailing vessel into a warm an inviting home on the ocean.
The Ocean....one of my favorite places!
Favorite places, in hindsight, had more to do with who I was with, than where I was located.
Was located in a most remote area. :hammy:
Remote area accommodations. often lack a good source of vintage wines, so learn to love the "boxed" generics.
"Boxed generics" once tried and then subsequently kicked to the curb, I promised myself that I would settle for no less than a unique beauty with an elegance and class all her own.
Her own "company" sports car was a perk supplied by an image conscious, but foolish, employer.
Foolish employer failed to see that my ultimate goal was to live on the sea.
The sea slug was too gross for a finicky eater to stomach.
To stumach the cooking of my mothering is what marriage is all about that and keeping the peace
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
The peace sometimes comes at a price.
A price I can live with and always feel good about, is "free".
Is free stuff worth getting thousands of spam e-mail messages?
E-mail messages about obtaining free CIALIS or VIAGRA are spam, and I shouldn't click on the link?
The link that broke was obviously the weakest one in the entire chain.
Entire chain and anchor raised and neatly stowed, I hoisted the main and mizzen, took a sip of rum, and made my windward tack towards Barbados. :hammy:
Towards Barbados with a long range telescope one may be able to view Venezuela?
View Venezuela from afar as there's a travel warning in place.
In place of visiting somewhere with a warning, it would be difficult to locate such a place at this point in time.
In time we will all have to get used to the fact that we will all old
Hammy :Hammys pint:
All old objects aren't necessarily antiques.
Necessarily Antiques was the name above the shop window but the note on the door said gone to lunch.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
To lunch in your office habitually, is inviting work related interruptions.
Related interruptions were to blame for the latest power outages
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Power outages, after hurricanes, can last for weeks.
For weeks we been asking for a rise in pay only to be told we are to be let go as the company is closing its door forever.
GR@PH;<'S. :Hammys pint:
"Door forever open!", exclaimed my Spanish friend from Valencia, as he handed me a key to his casa, poured me a glass of gran reserva, and handed me a plate of his fine paella.
Fine paella cannot be made without home grown saffron.
Grown saffron is a form of income for a farmer in Essex England .
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Essex England has a coat of arms comprised of three Saxon seax knives on a red background.
Red background with a prancing horse
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
Prancing horse riders, were scandalized when the automobile became popular among the commoners.
The commoners is An Irish Jam Rock band out of Fort Collins, Colorado performing concerts at festivals, pubs, weddings, funerals, private parties, bars & pubs across the nation.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
The Nation, the oldest continuously published weekly magazine in the United States, is self-described as "the flagship of the left".
The left, sometimes bumps into the right in Libertarian political ideology.
Political ideology believers cannot be dissuaded in a rational debate, nor in an irrational one.
Irrational one-choice philosophies leave little room for more sensible options.
Sensible options may be a wise choice, but they're seldom much fun.
Much fun was felt by all that attended.
GR@PH;<'S :Hammys pint:
That attended to now, on to the major troubles.
Major troubles are awaiting the unwary investor.
Unwary Investors Are Making the Same Costly Errors Today
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Errors today can be corrected tomorrow.
Corrected tomorrow was all the hotel rep could tell us
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Tell us why you were late for your parole hearing.
Payrole hearing had to be delayed a month due to lack of funds
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Of funds available, none are earmarked for a project like the one you proposed today.
Proposed today, met yesterday, tying the knot this evening, and getting divorced tomorrow.
Divorced tomorrow, if everything goes as planned.
As planned, I married the old widow, had her change her will, fed her some arsenic, and cashed in on her insurance policy.
Insurance policy premiums have been adjusted so a single male, over 70, is paying for mandatory maternity benefits.
Maternity benefits include strong healthy kids to shovel the driveway, stack the firewood, and take out the trash.
The trash can was filled with his priceless mementos, after his wife cleaned out all the "useless Junk".
Useless junk is all that was on sale in my neighbours garage sale.
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Garage sale customers are often just nosy neighbors.
Nosy neighbours can also be a good thing as at least your home is being watched while your out.
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Your out buildings were destroyed, when the earthquake shook things up.
Things up again lets just see for how long.
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How long can we keep this topic going?
Topic going to carry on even if new ones are added
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Are added preservatives going to affect the flavor, and nutritional value of the food adversely?
Food adversely notice was given to all who attended the restaurant.
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The restaurant was closed after some tainted sushi made the chief health inspector hurl on a nearby rat.
Nearby rat infestation has led to us having put them on the menu.
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The menu listed grilled rat as more expensive than roasted squab.
Roasted squab, paired with a generic jug wine and a blunt after-dinner stogie, is a hobo's delight.
Hobo's delight is actually coffee brewed in a hubcap, and a can of cold beans.
Cold beans & cheese, salt & milk, and ice cream & ketchup should never be paired, for as we all know, a choice, bone-in New York sirloin & a nice red wine sets the benchmark for culinary happiness.
Culinary happiness, can be beans and cheese, seasoned with extreme hunger.
Extreme hunger for power leads many politicians to become megalomaniac sociopaths.
Megalomaniac sociopaths thrive in the entertainment industry.
Entertainment industry heavyweights often have a limited lifespan.
Limited lifespan and planned obsolescence, only work when nobody bothers to learn how to repair anything.
Limited lifespan of food products could be related to lack of preservatives
( ;) Cool! Two for the price of one! A shopper's delight!)
1) Repair anything incorrectly and it is sure to remain broken.
2) Of preservatives, I know little, and of conservatives, I know less.
Remain Broken,
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Oops sorry I swear I didn't see Pete's.
Remain broken or pay the high price for repair that's the hard question.
Hard question sessions, at the press conference, caught us completely unprepared.
Completely unprepared for the topic of conversation was I.
Was I the one who confused everybody?
Confused everybody with my sense of humor, yet elated everyone with my kindness.
My kindness is not weakness.
Not weakness, per se, yet a tensile strength that I personally would not count on.
Count on your fingers if you're mathematically challenged.
Mathematically challenged students usually test poorly in algebra class.
Algebra class was optional for dummies.
For dummies there is a simple set of drawing.
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Of drawing tools, the compass and T-square were the most useful, until CAD made them all obsolete.
All obsolete, eight-track tapes, Red Ball Jet sneakers, and ten-cent Hershey bars bring back fond memories.
Fond memories were brought flooding back in our 50th school reunion.
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School reunion attendees are trying to recapture youth, by hanging around by aged former classmates.
Former classmates are future reunion attendees.
Reunion attendees get shamed into making ridiculously large donations.
Large donations are always appreciated at our local hospital for the premature baby unit.
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Baby unit jobs are available at the preschool, but the qualified applicants appear to be suffering from burnout.
From burnout to accident in a matter of seconds.
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Of seconds, he selected a spoonful of each dish.
Each dish she threw at me landed right on target.
On target, really, you weren't even close!
Even close calls didn't make him cautious.
Him cautious and me extremely nervous about the 2016 presidential elections.
Presidential elections should not be discussed with crazy friends.
Crazy friends are best left to the ignore button.
Ignore button at your own risk as as it is there to help.
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To help the helpless is a noble goal, but failure is a distinct possibility.
Distinct possibility, hmmm..... does that mean definitely?
Mean definitely has a different statistical significance than median or mode.
Or mode of transportation, said the Alaskan about his dogsled, should he misplace his snowshoes.
His snowshoes were useless at the beach.
The Beach Blanket Bingo movie was another great Frankie and Annette extravaganza, yet it doesn't hold a candle to Bikini Beach, with "Clyde" the surfing chimp.
Surfing chimp made headlines this week after taking yet another award apparently.
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Award apparently accepted, I shook my head in complete and utter disbelief that Obama received the Nobel peace prize.
Peace prize was originally funded by the inventor of dynamite.
Of dynamite, I understand, yet the selection of Obama by those Norwegian's Peace Prize Committee left me, and others, completely befuddled. :o
http://www.wsj.com/articles/SB125509603349176083
Completely befuddled by the leader's irrational behavior, the community was abandoned by it's formerly loyal membership.
Loyal membership in any group requires dedication to its values :P
Its values, her values, his values, and their values are all surely important, yet it is MY values which always take precedence.
Take precedence level symbols as your guide when deciding which message to transmit first.
Transmit first document then follow up with the incriminating pictures.
Incriminating pictures were not admissible, they were proven to have been Photoshopped.
"Been Photoshopped?", asked the man, as he eyed the photo of Sophia Loren and I getting married in Naples.
In Naples, a distinctive style of thin-crust pizza is pleasing tourists from just about everywhere.
About everywhere, I wrote an Internet travel blog, yet I had never once left my home town.
Home town politics are like driving past a terrible auto accident, you know you shouldn't gawk, but you have such a good view.
Good view was found by all of us who went to see the northern lights.
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Northern lights are predicted, so is cloudy weather.
Cloudy weather sometimes indicates an approaching big snowstorm.
Big snowstorm coming next week.
Next week looks as if it will be colder.
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Be colder to people who are unkind, and nicer to folks who warm your heart.
Your heart sends blood around your body, until it stops, then you have a problem.
A problem, for some, is merely a challenge, for others.
For others to admire you, you need to pass yourself off as admirable, without engendering jealousy.
Engendering jealousy is somehow often associated with the color green.
Color green usually means go.
Means, go hand in hand with ways.
With ways nobody ever dreamed possible he fired four arrows into the bullseye
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The bullseye was completely devoid of bullet holes, but he was assigned to the infantry anyway.
Infantry, anyway, is just a crusty leftover of antiquated twentieth-century battle planning.
Battle planning was left to the generals
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The generals knew better, but the politicians insisted on a losing strategy.
Losing strategy disregarded, we opted for the winning approach.
Winning approach to healthy snacking, involves less snacking.
Less snacking and more excursive leads to healthy happier lifestyles.
Happier lifestyles are easier if you don't overthink the small stuff.
Small stuff can lead to big problems in the long run.
Long run exercise tracks are for people who are less lazy than us.
"Than us?", I growled when the waitress quipped that the last guests were better tippers.
Better tippers normally love there meals that the we reserved .
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We reserved a room way in advance, but the hotel gave our room to a drunken celebrity, who promptly barfed all over it.
Over it, or under it, but never try to go directly through it.
Through it, was the only way to reach the other side of the minefield, so we used Bangalore torpedoes to make a path across.
Path across the universe is cold, dark, lonely, and very time consuming.
Time consuming tasks are not pleasant for ADHD patients who don't take their medication properly.
Medication, properly administered, is both safe and effective.
And effective they were right up until the last on.
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Last on my list of priorities was giving up bourbon.
"Up bourbon, down bourbon!" is the whiskey shuffle that happens every time my boat hits a new swell.
New, swell, operating systems, do not necessarily inspire confidence.
Inspire confidence in yourself and you will systematically inspire others.
Inspire others to do all the work, then sit back an take all the credit.
The credit column is always better than the debit column.
Debit column items that seemed unjustified triggered an exhaustive audit.
Exhaustive audit completed, so now it's time for a good single-malt Scotch on the rocks.
The rocks and the sirens spelled doom for all kinds of watercraft crews.
Watercraft crews were needed to help put out the fire of a house on the river side
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River side taverns were notorious for watering down generic whiskey, and putting it in high end bottles.
"Deerstalker hat and one pipe are in stock" affirmed the costume shop sales clerk to the anxious cosplayer.
"Anxious Cosplayer", the latest 'sailing-spy' thriller from Mr. Yamada, has spent two months on the N.Y. Times Best Sellers list, yet I have never read it.
Read it, to make sure you're not making a deal with the devil, before you sign it in blood.
In blood, we are related, yet in heart, mind, and soul, we are a million miles apart.
Miles apart in political philosophy, they agreed on who the enemy was.
Enemy was one of the films that Jude Law stared in way back in
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Back in the stone age, if you could run a computer, people thought you were smart.
Were smart decisions ever made after consuming booze?
Consuming Booze is once again high on my to do list.
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Consuming booze before surgery, complicated the anesthetists job.
1) Do list your grievances, yet also state your admiration and future requirements.
2) Anesthetist's job accomplished, the doctor could begin surgery.
Future requirements, especially regarding the organs you'll still need, should be determined before you begin surgery.
Begin surgery with the firm understanding that you'll still need to address the postoperative future requirements.
Future requirements, need to be assessed when selecting a pension plan's cost versus payout ratio.
Payout ratio adjusted, I suddenly realized that I was overextending my finances.
My finances get disrupted every time taxes are due.
Are due our just desserts, yet we were only given a bowl of old blueberries and a handshake.
A handshake is less likely to spread disease than a kiss, but you still have no idea what someone may have done without washing.
Without washing, he grabbed the grapes from the dirty floor and popped them into his mouth.
His mouth wide open the dentist got to work.
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To work and earn a living was a totally alien concept, and not a viable option.
Viable option, some insist, yet when it comes to the 2016 presidential campaign, I prefer not to put my head in the sand and hope for the best.
The best way around town according to the town planners is to use public transport.
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Public transport is never going where i want to go, when I want to get there, and it never gets me back until long after supper gets cold.
Gets cold in the winter, yet Maine in summer is a vacationland.
A Vacationland ferry once crossed the Straits of Mackinac in Michigan.
In Michigan, all anyone cares about is beating Ohio State.
Ohio State is one of the largest universities in the nation.
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The nation is large enough to contain many different cultures.
Different cultures are the essence of civilization and can co-exist in the same geographical area as diverse communities.
Diverse communities may very well include those who's culture, beliefs, and behavior, inspire disapproval by the adherents of current "politically correct" standards.
Correct standards, nauseating politeness, and unwavering obedience made Jack a dull boy.
Dull boy scout knives resulted in reprimands and honing lessons.
Honing lessons for his shredding chops helped the young speed guitarist win the coveted seat in the high-school metal band.
Metal band wrapping machines were used to secure the pallet full of magazines before shipping.
Before shipping, make sure to put a couple air fresheners into the box, because your old sneakers smell like rotten eggs.
Rotten eggs were thrown a the local man after he sold a lemon of a car
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A car load of relatives arrived yesterday, so I decided to put on my pants.
My pants were blown off the washing line the other day over the fence into the field dirier now than when they went into the wash.
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The wash water was used to irrigate the garden, making the beans taste soapy.
"Taste soapy?", asked the mom, as she washed out her young son's mouth for using foul language.
Foul language doesn't sound like birds singing, birds use fowl language.
Fowl language includes chirps and tweets, yet some say the birds at the tavern get quacky.
Get quacky voiced friends as your hunting companions, and you won't have to learn how to use a duck call.
Duck call, or take my call, you're gonna have to talk with me one of these days.
These days Christmas seems to start in July on qvc and the Christmas sales run till nearly the end of May
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Of May flowers I dream when caught in the showers of April.
Of April and May there were only twelve hours that were dry.
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Were dry martinis, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Boone's Farm Apple Wine, and Moxie root beer the only items on the drink menu?
Drink menu listings, indicated an unimaginative bartender.
Unimaginative bartender concoctions insult my alcoholic sensibilities.
Alcoholic sensibilities are often blurred by the consumption of alcohol.
Of alcohol consumption, I know much, yet of sobriety, I know little.
Know little or nothing about your opponents, and they will defeat you handily.
You handily avoided the topic, so let's now get to the point.
The point is that once opened you have to consume within three days or it will go off
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Go off the "deep end", if you must, but don't be surprised if men in white coats come to put you in a straitjacket, and take you away.
You away, and me here, makes it difficult for us to have a close relationship.
Close relationship between the two of them really brings out the real meaning of love.
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"Of Love & Regret" is a pub in Baltimore, best known for collaborating with breweries worldwide.
Breweries worldwide are merging, and all beer will soon taste like Budweiser.
Like Budweiser Clydesdales, big horses need a lot of nourishing oats.
Nourishing oats make for a good breakfast
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Good breakfast choices do not include Scotch on the rocks and Cuban cigars, unless you're like me.
Like me, you should have your bourbon with breakfast, and your cigar afterwards.
Cigar afterwards always was what we all had after our Christmas dinner how times have changed.
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Have changed attitudes on, subjects that have recently become controversial, changed what you are willing to discuss?
To discuss so openly that you are a tea addict must be really hard as the first AA meeting was the hardest thing I thought but no it was fine settled my nerves with a drink before and afterwards (https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi5.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy197%2FANG-Graphics%2FHammys_pint.gif&hash=cc0389ecbc422dd802c9559495afa0ed259644e2)
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And afterwards, I dropped anchor, mixed a cocktail, lit my cigar, and enjoyed the sunset.
The sunset, was our only indication of the approximate time.
Approximate time of life is right now
Right now is a good time to march down to your local Army recruiter and sign up.
Sign up now for your subscription to my Brandy fund your subscription will get you regular updates on every create delivered.
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Create delivered-free happiness and everyone will be your friend.
(I realize you meant "crate", yet sticking with the spirit of the game. ;))
Your friend took advantage of your generosity.
Your generosity was welcomed with open arms as any donation is a god send.
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God send me some patience, I'm surrounded by incompetent turkeys.
incompetent turkeys ltd offer a complete range of free range turkey and poultry products.
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Poultry products are prepared in many different ways, to disguise their source, and fool the unwary cafeteria customer into thinking they're getting meals prepared from more expensive meat sources.
Meat sources, such as those associated with The Donner Party, can leave you feeling guilty. ;)
Feeling guilty can be cured with a pitcher of martinis, taken immediately after the bad act.
Bad act was followed by another bad act I can see the show being cancelled.
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Being cancelled is the eventual fate of just about every TV series imaginable.
Series imaginable include the Brooklyn Dodgers versus the Boston Red Sox, yet sadly, the Dodgers are no longer in New York and the Sox no longer have Carl Yastrzemski.
Carl Yastrzemski spent 23 years with the same employer.
Same employer, same wife, same house, same car, and same boredom, yet more debt and less hair.
Less hair is easier to keep tidy .
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Keep tidy, and someone will describe you as "compulsively retentive".
"Compulsively retentive" is a trait I have in spades.
In spades and droves they came to see the giant caddage.
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"Giant caddage" was how he described a big head of cabbage while intoxicated.
While intoxicated, humans sometimes express their true inner feelings.
Inner feelings, should be kept hidden from those who wish you harm.
You harm, then disarm.
Then disarm everybody, and see how long that lasts.
That lasts until withdrawal kicks in and you need another line.
Another line of bull from the politicians, but they get elected anyway.
Elected anyway, the other republicans ultimately felt foolish about the millions of dollars spent on the negative campaign ads.
Campaign ads have been estimated ar around 2.4 million pounds
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Million pounds sounds like a lot, unless you want to start a business.
A business for recycling old PC's has been set up to give those who are on the bread line a free PC
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Free PC software often comes with unwanted companions.
Unwanted companions often get banned from websites due to their obnoxious behavior.
Obnoxious Behaviour will not be tolerated.
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Be tolerated here, and the rest of the planet will think you're wonderful.
You're wonderful Pete!
Wonderful Pete!, is not something heard frequently these days.
These days, I'm thrilled to receive just one kind word from anyone.
From anyone but him, that would be a compliment.
A compliment was made around the same time the cook disappeared strange that.
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Strange that I sometimes feel hungry just after I eat.
I eat what I kill, so I'm careful about "catch and release" techniques.
Release techniques are important to professional wrestlers.
Professional wrestlers occasionally use their talents to become full fledged actors.
Fledged actors waiting tables.
Waiting tables for fun and profit.
And profit from thy words, I preach from on high.
On high ground were to be found all the farmers cattle after the weekends floods.
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Weekends floods benefited the sump pump industry.
Pump industry has become famous for its tick logo.
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Tick logo, select the favorite player from your team, allow the software to generate random numbers, click enter, and enjoy playing the Internet baseball lottery.
Baseball lottery theme, appears to be Maryland's attempt to find more math-challenged people to fleece.
To fleece a con man tastes better than Mom's apple pie.
Apple pie lovers who overindulge gain weight quickly.
Weight quickly disappears as your metabolism speeds up if you follow a high-protein diet eating 200 calories, five times per day (6:00, 10:00, 2:00, 6:00, 10:00), with all carbohydrates ingested no later than 2:00 in the afternoon.
Ps; No exercise needed with that diet! Always consult your doctor first, yet for optimal results, no sugar, no fat, and no alcohol. After 1-2 weeks of eating 5 times per day (last meal at 10:00 PM is fine), your body quickly realizes that it is being "regularly" fed. Thus, it no longer "stores" calories as fat for reserve, and your metabolism naturally speeds up.
6:00 AM: 1 cup of natural boiled oats (oatmeal), with a little orange juice and banana if desired.
10:00 AM: High-protein powdered meal replacement (pro bodybuilder type, not the "lose-fast" nonsense from a drug store). Mix with orange juice, grapefruit juice, or water.
2:00 PM: 1/2 chicken breast (no fat), broccoli, and 1/2 sweet potato (the most complex form of carbohydrates).
6:00 PM: Again, high-protein pro meal replacement mix.
10:00 PM: Again, 1/2 chicken and broccoli (yet this time no sweet potato).
After your body wakes up, you'll be losing 1 pound+ per day on average. Ask me how I know!
Diet given to me 17 years ago by a pro body builder (Arnold Schwarzenegger competition posing type) in LA. One month before the posing competition, it's the diet that they all do to get down to "zero" fat (veins popping look). Of course, they don't have much fat to begin with anyway. Don't forget! No "Twinkies"! ;)
No Twinkies, was the diagnosis, when the doctor told Ms Kies she wasn't having twins.
Having twins doubles parenting chores.
Parenting chores included, buying beers and smokes for their overprotected friends, for my reward, I was unfairly incarcerated.
Unfairly incarcerated prisoners should escape by whatever means are at their disposal.
Their disposal at the local dump was filmed on camera showing that they dumped a big suitcase witch opened as it hit the scrap letting thousands of pound notes loose into the air.
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The air in the subway smelled like decayed roses.
Decayed roses go on the compost heap to decay down so that they can turn into compost for the planting of new Roses.
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New roses wilting, might mean too much water, or too much fertilizer.
much fertilizer is not a well known brand of fertiliser in like Agrigem.
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Like Agrigem, any high nitrogen fertilizer can be used in bomb building, usually at a much lower cost per bang.
Per bang the exploding fireworks from Uk were far bigger than the ones from China.
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From China, we get some surprisingly inexpensive manufactured goods.
Manufactured goods are sadly sometime not always in good condition
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"Good condition" is a meaningless term when it comes from a used car dealer's mouth.
Dealer's mouth is one of the best shops that we had been in this year.
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This year, has an extra day in February.
In Febuary we will once agai be celebrating st Valentine's Day
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Valentine's Day Massacre was a 1999 professional wrestling "pay-per-view" event.
"Pay-per-view" event lives are nothing more than meaningless wastes of time exerted by robotic boring people living vicariously through the talents of others.
Of others lives, we have no control.
No control, no boundaries, and no regrets.
No regrets can erase past sins.
Past sins are best forgotten.
Best forgotten, are the times that you embarrassed yourself.
Embarrassed yourself endlessly.
Yourself endlessly said the bishop to the vicar
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The vicar was well liked, by the back sliding parishioners.
Sliding parishioners in to his mini to attempt a world record made the local TV headlines.
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TV headlines don't really exist, newspapers have headlines, TV has talking heads.
Taking heads on Mannequins is one of the new display on show at the National Experdition Center.
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Expedition center maps show the normal routes, yet pure nomads should explore the paths less followed.
Less followed prophets end up starting cults.
Starting cults can lead to Guyana grape juice.
Grape juice should be home made, or purchased fresh or frozen to avoid the preservatives that prevent fermentation.
Prevent fermentation from occurring in fresh juices, or the alcohol formation will result in an adult beverage
Adult beverage expertise will test a liver.
A liver should be sauteed with onions.
With onions or without the good old BBQ just would not be the same with out Berbers.
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Out Berbers and in insurgents leads to a changed North Africa.
North Africa, is often thought of as part of the Middle East.
Middle-East culinary delicacies include dates.
Include dates of historical events in your essay outline.
Essay outline completed, I delved headlong, pen in hand, into the meat of my argument.
My argument won't mean much, unless you accept my premises.
My premises were still under construction two years later than planned.
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"Than planned" are two words that are difficult to use when starting a sentence. ;)
A sentence not for the first time said it all.
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It all come down to whether or not your motives are pure.
Are pure water sources now being lost to global pollution.
Global pollution may trigger the next leap in natural selection.
Natural selection is one of the basic mechanisms of evolution, along with mutation, migration, and genetic drift.
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Genetic drift describes random fluctuations in the numbers of gene variants in a population of inbred specimens.
Inbred specimens should only be discussed using politically correct language.
Correct language usage promotes, but does not guarantee, understanding.
Guarantee understanding, and important negotiations will go much better,
"Much better", was the diagnosis after I escaped from the rehabilitation clinic, and found an open bar.
"OPEN BAR!" at my house usually only means that "I'm awake!"
I'm awake most of the night only getting 3 to 4 hours of sleep
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Of sleep deprivation, the CIA can write volumes.
Write volumes, but if nobody reads them, you'll do no harm.
"No harm" and "No foul" are terms that a devil like myself will never understand.
Never understand what's going on, and enjoy your blissful ignorance, while everyone else is miserable.
Is "miserable" the opposite of "joyously elated"?
ecstasy
"Joyously elated" might be considered one step down from ecstasy.
From ecstasy, I switched down to Quaaludes, then lines of meth, then grass, then a light beer, and finally back to being sober.
Being sober, while playing word games, is a bit counterproductive.
"Bit counterproductive, and a lot annoying" is how my mom refers to me.
To me, flyfishing is a pleasant diversion.
"Pleasant diversion" is the soft way of saying that you're avoiding the question.
The question hardly does justice to my answer.
My answer to the police officer was yes officer I only ever have one glass I just omitted to add that I refill my glass whenever it gets empty.
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Gets empty glass and says it's potentially full, showing optimism.
Showing optimism, the lackluster Republican candidates brushed off their primary losses and started running toward the brokered convention.
Brokered convention threats, won't work if there is only one candidate left.
Candidate left through the back door mumbling " look at my hands, you losers."
You losers see us winners through green eyes of envy, yet we winners cannot even see you losers.
You losers expect us to subvert natural selection for your benefit.
Your benefit and my loss means the my wallet now has less cash.
Less cash. Huh! I measure you by how you use your potential.
Your potential and credentials like that you will have a lot to live up to.
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Less cash in my pocket, and no credit or debit cards, inhibits impulse buying.
Impulse buying is the ghost of the outhouse and the Sears catalogue
Sears catalogue/catalog pages were once a standard outhouse supply.
An outhouse supply might have been a simple wooden seat
Wooden seat cushions didn't really work out that well.
That well-spoken person is nothing more than an excited adjective
Excited-adjective-laden phrases tend to be too flowery for medical manuscripts.
Medical manuscripts in the wrong hands could produce a creature who is all thumbs
All thumbs no fingers no wonder those gloves were cheap.
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Were cheap imports the best way to ensure domestic employment?
Domestic employment is what butlers, chauffeurs, maids, and pool boys seek.
Boys seek adventure, until they learn that they're not bulletproof.
Not bulletproof, yet my alibi held up under strict scrutiny.
Strict scrutiny
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scrutiny giver
Strict scrutiny kept all the players outwardly honest.
Outwardly honest, I'm the type that must admit that I forgot which game we were playing until now. ;)
Until now, you've had a much better record than a certain beer loving administrator.
Loving administrator is sometimes sober to witch I am sure it Leeds to much confusion to witch he is putting it down to Old timers disease
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Timers disease ridden hands could barely operate the stopwatch, making the race results problematic.
"Results problematic" is a phrase that sounds to me like the kind of thing the weatherman would say as he is the person who invented the phrase, "warm of air" as in "This warm of air is something we are just going to have to deal with."
Deal with it, Windows 10 is going to assimilate you, resistance is futile.
Is futile behavior forgiven should I decide to stick with Windows 7?
Windows 7 will not die for a few years yet as hospitals in the Uk are only just changing to it and most still hold on to XP.
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To XP users everywhere, you have been warned, be careful.
Be careful what you wish for.
Wish for what you want, but you'll get what you earn.
You earn respect by delivering on your promises.
Your promises, while well intended, often exceed your meager abilities.
Meager abilities can be improved with proper instruction and dedicated practice.
Dedicated practice won't make you a musician without any talent.
Any talent is better than none at all.
At all of my mega-huge enormo-dome Woodstock-esque arena concerts, I completely rely on my stellar backup musicians to make me look like a superstar on stage, as I personally have no talent.
"No talent" never stopped anyone from holding political office, as a matter of fact it seems to be a critical prerequisite.
Prerequisite gained
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Prerequisite gained by anyone who can remain sober enough to remember which topic he is participating in.
;)
Participating in these fun LandzDown games keeps me on my toes, especially when drunk.
When drunk, I leave the car in the garage, the boat tied at the dock, and the computer turned off.
Turned off my computer, looked in the mirror, and said "Wow, you're getting old!"
Getting old is infinitely more desirable than the usual alternative.
Usual alternative unavailable, I defied my doctors advice and ordered a 1-pound, New-York bone-in sirloin, a baked potato drenched in sour cream, chives, and butter, and six pints of ice-cold tasty suds. :D
Tasty suds is what we used to get if we swore.
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We swore that we would take a few days off from drinking, but then we saw the "NEVER CLOSED" sign hanging of the door of the tavern and decided to go in and get completely smashed.
Completely smashed cars were the usual result of the demolition derby sponsored by the brewery owners collation.
Owners collation was a light meal of tofu, salted cod, seaweed, and sparkling wines.
Sparkling wines enter the bloodstream more quickly.
More quickly I walk on hot sand than I do on cool grass.
Cool grass may be used to line your creel, but ferns are more traditional.
More traditional Games were the order of the day last weekend when the pubs internet went down.
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Went down to the river expecting crowds of fishermen, but the only one there was one lone heron.
Lone heron sighted and in focus, I snapped a pic and quickly e-mailed it the lead salmon of "Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Fish Club" as a warning.
A warning shot was a mistake, the bad guys all ran away, and escaped to parts unknown.
Parts unknown include the deep sea and deep space, as everywhere else has already been sailed or trodden.
Or trodden if you prefer said the gardener in answer to my asking if the turf needed rolling.
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Needed rolling, lighting, and inhaling to achieve the desired effect.
Desired effect of the legislation, was the subject of much discussion, and vociferous disagreement.
Vociferous disagreement on a daily basis, coupled with my dislike of her cooking and cosmetic catastrophes, prompted me to look elsewhere for my significant other.
Significant other rejects are the quarry of the lecher.
The lecher and the saint, blissfully walking hand-in-hand through modern society.
Modern society has suffers from having been raised by hippies.
By hippies we took it to mean any one over the age of fifty but these days you do not need a VW campervan to be classed as hippies.
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As hippies grew older, they traded in their VW campervans for a Mercedes-Benz Sprinter MiniBus, a nice upgrade.
Nice upgrade from the flower powered VW van, is the diesel powered Hummer with an NRA decal in the rear window.
Rear window views are historically nice, yet knowing what's ahead is equally important.
Equally important opinions are only expressed by people who agree with me, everyone else is horribly wrong.
Horribly wrong decisions result in ripped sails, wrecked yachts, flowing tears, and sad memories.
Sad memories are the refuge of those who don't sew sales, patch hulls, and cry about it incessantly.
It incessantly bothers me when people try to tell me how to live my life.
My life style is abhorrent to those well meaning busybodies who think they know what's best for me.
For me, I'll take pleasure over pain any time.
Any time is a good time for beer time.
Beer time begins at 10:00 AM in my neck of the woods.
The woods sadly are not always possible for us as I need a wheelchair comparable route.
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Comparable route maps are provided for otherwise enabled personnel.
Enabled personnel usually obey orders, yet sometimes turn the tables.
The tables were set, diner was ready, wine was opened, but nobody showed up.
Showed up at the company executive dinner party wearing psychedelic shorts, Capezio dance shoes, a Jimi Hendrix t-shirt ... and, of course, a black tie.
Black tie dyed T-shirts, as formal dress, weren't exactly what they intended you to wear to the party.
"The Party", a 1968 Peter Sellers comedy, always leaves me rolling in nonstop laughter. :D
Nonestop laughter was brought on by the helium from the birthday balloons
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Birthday balloons were displayed near the street, so invited guests could find the party location easily.
Location easily detected, they swooped in and nabbed the perpetrators.
The perpetrators nearly evaded apprehension, until they went 100 mph through a speed trap, in a stolen car, with the loot, their masks, and their guns, lying on the front seat in plain sight.
Plain sight clues are often missed by those expecting more complicated reasons.
Complicated reasons, and arguments are best left to amoral attorneys and disgraced politicians.
Disgraced politicians may some day make a come back.
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"Come back tomorrow, because today we have no bananas."
No bananas survived the onslaught of the starving lemurs.
Starving lemurs have better foraging skills than starving humans.
Starving humans are seldom avid vegans.
Avid vegans avoid living in the Sahara, as well as in the Arctic and on Beveridge Reef.
Beveridge Reef has been rough on many boats hull integrity.
Hull integrity, as well as a fridge full of cold beer, frozen t-bone steaks, and single-malt scotch, is of utmost importance when you are an ocean explorer.
Ocean explorer is being sought after a cabi became vacant
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Became vacant, but was quickly rented out to new tenants.
New tenants must provide a security deposit prior to occupancy.
To occupancy, I give much less thought than I do to freedom.
To freedom and beyond some how is not the same who would ever employ a Buzz Lightyear that did not say to infinity and beyond.
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And beyond the next mountain, there's an endless desert.
"Endless Desert" is how many navigators describe the barren vastness of planet Earth's great oceans.
Great oceans have too much water to be actual deserts.
Actual deserts mysteries that remain unsolved even to this day
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This day in 1924, Adolf Hitler was sentenced to five years in jail, but he spent only nine months incarcerated, during which he wrote Mein Kampf.
Mein Kampf read, I placed it on the coffee table, sat back, closed my eyes, thought about pre-war Deutschland, then got dressed and walked down the street, weaving between packs of migrants, on my way to the Ocktoberfest tent to enjoy fresh sausage and tasty beer.
Tasty beer serving Fräulein is my only memory of the Hofbräuhaus in München.
In München, I went to see the Michael Schenker Group open up for the Scorpions.
The scorpions in Arizona haven't killed anyone in 20 years, because most medical facilities have antivenom available.
Antivenom available for all that need any please hurry as there are only a limited amount in stock
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In stock yards, I have no beef about getting down to the meat of the matter, yet hoofing it like a stampede of wild carnivores is not always the best approach for grabbing the bull by the horns.
The horns on the thing were as wide as my car so there was no way I was going to confront hi head on.
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Head on collisions, at high speed, are generally considered undesirable.
Considered undesirable, I stayed home and watched TV, as I had no date for the prom.
The prom seems like a big deal, unless you're over sixteen.
Over sixteen is OK for some, depending on the laws of the state.
The state is not kind to honest taxpayers.
Honest taxpayers usually know little about greater US history, and the Revenue Act of 1861 and the Sixteenth Amendment to the US Constitution in specific.
In specific instances, taxes have been rescinded, but it's highly unusual.
Highly unusual thoughts enter my head when I wake up drunk and half naked in the middle of the street.
The street people took your belongings when you were passed out, then they took your clothes for laughs.
For laughs, I sometimes run around half naked, even when not drunk.
Not drunk until after breakfast, is an easy way to cut back on consumption.
On consumption I know loads, yet on sobriety I haven't a clue.
A clue was needed to solve the enigmatic puzzle.
Enigmatic puzzle solved, I turned my attention to the black bacon and burned toast.
Burnt toast and hard not soft boiled eggs was not what were ordered.
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Were ordered troops sent into battle without sufficient ammunition?
Sufficient ammunition is always needed when presenting your case in court.
In court houses these days, they don't allow firearms, so your ammunition is kind of useless.
Of useless things to say was I do not play the lottery as no one ever wins.
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Ever wins and curtailing losses are visions that roll through the gambler's dreams.
Gambler's dreams of winning lead to more losing sucker bets.
Sucker bets at a Vegas poker table include "all in" when holding a pair of twos.
Of twos, I feel doubled, and of threes, I feel tripled, yet this game I play alone. :)
Play alone, or the bullies will get you.
Get you some peanut butter, get you some jelly, slap that bad-boy "samich" together, and fill up your belly.
Your belly is showing the effects of way too much jelly.
Much jelly is overrated, while much jam begs to be mated with lightly-toasted baguette, but what do we REALLY know about strawberry preserves?
Strawberry preserves don't count as fruit in your diet.
Your diet shouldn't solely consist of whisky, cigars, and pepperoni pizza.
Pepperoni pizza goes better with beer than it does with whiskey.
With whiskey no I said brandy however whiskey works
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Whiskey works well as a sleep aid, a cure for colds, a disinfectant, a general anesthetic, a pain killer, and when taken in sufficient quantities it makes you more mellow.
More mellow than a stampede of wild buffalos.
Wild buffaloes are not the source of buffalo wings.
Buffalo wings and beer make my taste buds quiver with anticipation.
With anticipation and undue eagerness, he opened the bottle before it was properly chilled.
Properly chilled is always the best way to serve any wine.
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Any wine will keep my sister in law happy.
Law-happy, flag-waving, bible-waving do-gooders usually have the most skeletons in the closet.
The closet was always very dark so we fitted a light.
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A light beer, just doesn't satisfy like a real one.
Real "one-percenters" refuse to ride anything but a Harley.
A Harley does best on paved surfaces.
Paved surfaces, and full-service rest stops, would have been a great benefit for the wagon-train settlers on their migration to California.
To California hippies, a vacation "trip" involves controlled substances.
Controlled substances mingled with non-controlled substances when California hippies tripped with Timothy Leary.
Timothy Leary fried his brain, and encouraged others to do likewise.
Do likewise, or do otherwise, it's all up to you.
To you brewers... conflagrations, you can brew it faster than I can drink it.
Drink It Interns have the best job in the world, traveling the country, drinking beer, meeting brewers and tavern owners.
Tavern owners are being held responsible for the acts of their impaired customers.
Impaired customers were finding the new shop very difficult to maneuver.
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To maneuver in waters with questionable depth, it's crucial to watch the fathoms and not run aground.
Run aground when your only other choice is sinking.
Is Sinking said the first mate to the Captain of the Titanic.
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The titanic dreams of youth are sometimes at odds with the realities of adult life.
Adult life never begins for some over privileged individuals.
Privileged individuals will get the chance of going around the race track in the safety car.
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Safety car manuals are boring, hot rods are much cooler.
Much cooler than just reading car manuals, is to get completely smashed and totally stoned and then jump into your '69 Road Runner 440 6-pack, crank the engine, grab the Hurst 4-speed pistol-grip shifter, and blast down country roads in August while listening to "Toys In the Attic" on your"Mindblower" 6x9 coaxial speakers.
Coaxia speakers are generally very well-engineered.
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Well-engineered motor vehicles without a governor, can still get, speeding tickets.
Spending tickets are sometimes given to methamphetamine addicts.
Speeding tickets are sometimes given to methamphetamine addicts. ;)
Methamphetamine addicts often experience premature hair loss.
Hair loss and table manners have never been of high concern to Tibetan yetis and sasquatch in Washington.
In Washington, the rain keep the Sasquatch a lot cleaner than those smelly Tibetan Yetis.
Tibetan yetis are so white that they stick out like a sore thumb when on blind dates with sasquatch in Washington.
In Washington, those who actually believe in Sasquatch are predominately Human-Neanderthal hybrids.
Neanderthal hybrids have yearly post-war love-fests at Mensa.
At Mensa, they frown upon the wearing of poached yeti fur.
Yeti fur was on sale at the little store near to where the last know sighing of a Yeti.
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A Yeti mugged me this morning, and ate my homework.
My Homework was always finished on time
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"On time", in the language spoken by airline announcers, means some time within 48 hours of the published schedule.
Published schedule in hand, I climbed the hill and sat in the cold snow waiting for the annual yeti migration.
Yeti migration starts around the time the weather warms up
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Warms up the drunks in the crowd by telling a few off color jokes.
Color jokes with nonstop heavy sarcasm, especially if your name is Dennis Miller.
Dennis Miller is one of america's stand-up comedians.
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Stand-up comedians would starve if alcoholic beverages had never been discovered.
"Been discovered lately?", asked Chris Columbus when first landing in The Caribbean.
The Caribbean age of pirates began in the 1500s and died out in the 1830s after the navies of Western Europe and North America began combating pirates.
Combating pirates takes a sharp sword, an eyepatch, and strong Internet passwords.
Internet passwords should be different for each website, and changed frequently.
Changed frequently, my underwear stays clean and fresh.
And fresh fish were on offer in the restaurant for the first time since the lake was refilled
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Was refilled coffee, repeated too often, the cause of his nervous condition?
Nervous condition treatments include alcohol, valium, and happy faces.
Happy faces are being supplanted by Emojis.
By Emojis I mean the little gif images.
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Gif images are sometimes animated and used for those annoying ads.
Annoying ads disrupt my peaceful Internet life.
Internet life converts the jocks into newbies, and the nerds get to sit at the cool kids table.
Kids-table food items included Oreos, Milk Duds, Twinkies, and grilled cheeseburgers.
Grilled cheeseburgers will disappear as soon as you let the dogs out.
Dogs out she said to her children you go that way I'll go this way.
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"This way", said the dictator, "or you'll be purged with extreme prejudice".
"Extreme prejudice", said the frontrunner, "should never be confused with extreme caution."
Extreme caution should be exercised when you get the urge to stand up during the infiltration course.
"Infiltration Course 101" was last on my list when signing up at Getting-Lost Nomad-Loner University.
Loner university students are spared the humiliation involved with fraternity initiations.
Fraternity initiations for my generation had nothing to do with social justice warriors, microaggressions, triggers, or safe zones.
Safe zones are an illusion, as soon a they find one, it becomes known as the zombie cafeteria.
zombie cafeteria has been set up next to the cemetery while the horror film is being filmed.
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Being filmed, is not the wisest choice you can make, while you're engaging in "illegal activities".
Illegal activities should include humans born male demanding use of female changing and toilet facilities.
Toilet facilities are located at the rear of the Building
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The building manager sealed all the entrances to the secret tunnels, and instructed his staff to deny that they ever actually existed.
Actually existed more ten million years ago.
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Years ago, mammoth was a game animal.
Game animal always party hard.
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Party Hard is a video game in which you get to murder your neighbor's party guests for keeping you awake all night.
All night long is a Lionel Richie classic.
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"Richie" classic car collections contain specimens that cost more than most houses.
Most houses, many RVs, and some boats have a toilet.
A toilet can be a welcome sight, after a few weeks in the wilderness with nothing but expired C rations.
C rations should not be confused with "sea" rations, and always make me ponder the existence of A and B rations.
B Rations is a term used in the United States military for a meal provided to troops which was prepared using canned or preserved ingredients.
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Preserved ingredients, were minority ingredients in A rations, which were only practical when refrigeration was readily available.
Readily available rations are vital when single-handed sailing across oceans.
Across oceans and continents, there are fauna that once created legends.
Created legends are sometimes written down in book form for millions of people to follow blindly with faith alone.
Faith alone will only convince those already faithful.
Already faithful followers don't require conversion.
Require conversion the for sale notice said on the windscreen.
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The windscreen was cracked, so the vehicle failed the safety inspection.
Safety-inspection prenuptial checklist included my overall mental health, my ability to financially support my wife, and an online poll as to whether or not I spend a dangerous amount of time each week playing word games at LandzDown.
At LandzDown, the word game players should stay single, their mental health is long gone, their jobs are at risk, and their spouses will accuse them of extreme neglect.
"Extreme neglect is why I demand a no-safe zone" exclaimed the modern feminist.
Modern feminist author Caitlin Moran’s wrote a guide on that very subject.
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Very subject-related word games require strict attention.
Strict attention to detail becomes difficult after the thirtieth beer.
Thirtieth Beer Paddy could not walk home where I not been able to walk home for years.
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For years, I had understood that Kentucky bourbon and Tennessee sour mash qualified as heart medicine, but thanks to Obamacare, my health insurance carrier no longer covers these critical medications.
Critical medications come in liquid form, and although my liver often complains, I sure don't.
Sure don't appreciate the tax levied on domestic spirituous libations.
spirituous libations to flow at Smiling Skull Saloon.
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"Skull Saloon?", I asked, then added "Wouldn't we have more fun at the Cranial Cocktail Cavern?"
Cocktail Cavern, is the hangout where we troglodytes gather to party like it's still the stone age.
Stone-age people had dreams of smelting ore, and air-conditioned yachts full of sirloin steaks and cold beer.
Cold beer is always a warm welcome.
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"Warm welcome", becomes "worn-out your welcome", when you stay too long.
Too long we had to wait to get tickets to the final of Britons got talent but worth every minute she said
Apparently.
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Said apparently nonsense, but it made more sense after a few bottles became empty.
Became empty to fast so our son Karl brought us a glass that holds a quart I place of the pint glass.
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Pint glass was the perfect serving size for beer, until the metric system, nobody wanted to be the wimp who ordered a "half" of anything, so we all became a bunch of drunks from ordering full liter mugs.
Liter mugs, not software bugs, make me a happy man.
Happy man now that his decree nisei through.
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Nisei through two generations, he was thoroughly assimilated into the local culture.
Local Culture frozen yogurt and juice bar are an healthy alternative to those fat laden ice creams.
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Ice creams being sold at health food stores, defeat the purpose of indulging in a guilty pleasure.
Guilty pleasure and self indulgences are things that I live for.
Live for today do not wish the days gone just to be that one day older because as you get older you you'll be hope the days go slower.
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Go slower or you'll get a ticket, it's a school zone.
School-zone crosswalk guards are usually bored elderly retirees.
Elderly retirees get part time jobs and delight in making the full time workers look like featherbedding slackers.
Featherbedding slackers at a multiplication factor spanning far beyond the known horizon will result in the fall of Western civilization should the 'wrong' party stay in power next November.
Next November October fest wil Includ the full thirty days for the first time
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First time voters, will be very confused, given the choices.
The choices was not up to much just one percent off we may have conciderd it if they would have knocked ten percent off.
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Percent off coupons, still leave the retailer a comfortable profit margin.
Profit margin was down by 0.3% for the first 3 months of the year,
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Year Without a Summer (1816) was an agricultural disaster.
Agricultural disaster assistance is made available to farmers who have suffered losses in production due to drought, flood, fire, freeze, tornadoes, pest infestation, and other natural calamities.
Natural calamities, as opposed to unnatural calamities, are not the result of supernatural intervention.
Supernatural intervention was taken shortly after the bright lights were spotted in the night sky.
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Night sky stargazing, eventually led to horoscopes and other superstitions.
Other superstitions, such as cats with black fur, indoor open umbrellas, the number 13 on Friday, and red sky in morning, should always be taken with extreme caution.
"Red sky at night, sailor's delight, red sky in morning, sailors take warning."
Extreme caution is advisable when checking to see if a shark is still alive.
"Still Alive!", will be the name of the final live album by KISS, recorded when they do their final concert at Madison Square Gardens in leather & spandex wheelchairs.
Spandex wheelchairs may not be very practical, but they fit just about anyone.
About anyone can learn three chords, yet writing a hit song is a completely different ball of wax.
Of wax products, earwax and beeswax are the most common "natural" versions.
Natural versions of human emotion include warm smiles, loving hugs, angry sneers, and a strong slap to the face.
The face painted a superb picture with the way it hit the fresh cream gateau.
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Cream gateau, isn't something you can make from a store brand mix.
"Brand mix" is when one software company buys another software company.
Software company stock, isn't the goldmine it was in the late eighties.
Late eighties One bed flat in Manchester sells for £500.000.
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For £500.000. I'll pour you a cup of home brewed coffee.
Brewed coffee for her, hot chocolate for him.
Deerstalker hat fell to the ground, only to be trampled by someone's mystery feet.
Mystery feet not here as those that know me knows I have wheels of mystery.
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Of mystery to me is how Deborah derived Deerstalker hat from for him.
For him, the goal is to drink beer faster than it can be brewed, and when the world's supply is depleted, auction off the last keg.
Last keg !!! Peter said I would have had a heart attack if we had not got our own brewery
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Own brewery stock, and you'll never go completely broke.
Completely broke is OK, as long as you have a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon in the fridge, a jumbo can of Planters Peanuts, and wind in your sails.
Your sails appear to have more square feet of patches than original canvas.
Original canvas, or cheap lithograph?
Cheap Lithograph printing has brought the price of printing down so that a small business can now afford have that Proffessinal look to there business stationary.
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Business stationary should be used up before you change your company logo.
Company logo design is very important for product branding.
Product branding is given to a newly created product by a company so every one know who's made it.
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Made it in the big city, but failed in the rural boondocks.
"Rural boondocks" cannot be taken out of the boy, yet the boy can be taken out of the rural boondocks.
Rural boondocks, to a "city boy", haven't been the same since the movie "Deliverance".
Movie "Deliverance was very good and very creepy!
Very creepy zombies sued the living for unspecified damages.
Unspecified damages are why I walk the straight line.
Straight line graphs are beyond the comprehension of many liberal arts majors.
Arts majors failed math and science in high school.
High school wasn't originally intended to be a place to learn about getting high.
Getting high, growing long hair, and living in communes, is what American hippies used to do in the 1960s.
The 1960s saw the first man on the moon
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The moon makes me turn into a ravenous monster wolf, inspiring my neighbors to make very intolerant comments.
Intolerant comments are always needed for idiots who cross over the line.
The line between idiots and normals is getting very fuzzy.
Very fuzzy thinking gives way to strange behavior
Strange behavior signals a person of great intellect.
Great intellect doesn't necessarily engender great ideas.
Great ideas will come if you drive for hours on the freeway alone in your car in complete silence.
Complete silence is my favorite musical composition.
Musical composition class stifles artist creativity.
Artist creativity is just an excuse not to get a real job.
Real job are joy sure as it looks like you be fiddling your fingers most of the day.
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The day started with a hangover, and ended with an epic bender.
Epic bender aside, given the expense, he couldn't believe he drank the entire bottle of 23 year old Family Reserve 95.6 proof Pappy Van Winkle.
Van Winkle what a lovely whiskey as a few of you know I like the odd little glass full ;)
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Glass full of kirschwasser, and cola, turned out to be a superior substitute for that Dr. Pepper swill.
pepper swill is nice but brandy I find is much better.
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Much better doesn't mean much when the bar is set so low.
So low on cash that I was forced to panhandle in front of 7/11 to get enough coin to buy a 40-ounce Schlitz Malt Liquor.
Malt Liquor has made alcoholism possible on a strict austerity budget.
Austerity budget that is imposed on a country by its government.
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Its government had absolutely no control over the economy, yet it tried to take credit for good times, and it's detractors blamed it when things went south
Went south, north, east, and west, and still felt very directionless.
Very directionless plans keep options open.
Options open so that if need be we can always change to another supplier
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Another supplier was tricked into making a high bid, so the contract could be awarded to the politician's crony.
Politicians crony Was rewarded by 28% when Clinton was in office.
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In office politics, there are no winners.
No winners means the lotto stande at £58 million.
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£58 million was worth more back in the old days, now it won't even buy a crooked politician's aide.
Politician's aide pled the 5th on the illegal home server, Benghazi, and her continuous lies, fake compassion, and amazingly bad character.
Bad character references, normally not used when seeking employment, may be useful when applying for a job with a criminal enterprise.
Criminal enterprise professionals know when to hang low, be quiet, and stay under the radar.
The radar used by the Navy in the early days, allegedly leaked so much stray microwave radiation, that sailors claimed they could keep warm by staying near the antenna.
The antenna I used in the '60s, unlike those of today, could also be used as a laundry rack or a horizontal grill to cook tasty steaks.
Tasty steaks can be had this weekend at our BBQ as we in the uk we will be holding our BBQ in doors to be sure we can not be rained off.
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Rained off and on all morning, so we cancelled the picnic, then the weather turned perfect.
Turned perfect russet potatoes into a plate of soggy undercooked French fries.
French fries are seldom advertised as such in France, they call them something else.
Something else is needed when you keep flirting and keep getting slapped.
Getting slapped at the shops tills in front of all the other shoppers was the worst thing he could have done.
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Have done with all that nonsense, and concentrate on things that actually matter.
Actually, matter-of-fact statements are sometimes false.
Sometimes false readings can lead to an over dose of insulin causing a of insulin causing a hypo
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A hypo, a piece of surgical tubing, a book of matches, a spoon, and a freshly-scored bag of China White is all a good junkie needs.
Sometimes false positives on per-employment drug tests are caused by all those drugs you took.
You took one to many turns you should have only turned right twice never mind your car looks so good as there water feature.
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Water feature sales declined after the word got out regarding defective pumps.
Defective pumps meant that motorist's were left with out fuel for three days.
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Three days until the day after tomorrow and still counting.
Still counting on Americans to make the correct choice next November, as the Attorney General and Director of the FBI have proven themselves to be completely corrupt.
Completely corrupt local government officials gave all the contracts to the cronies of the largest doners.
Largest donors are those that have a blood group O around 48%.
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Around 48% of us have no idea which candidate would do the most damage, party affiliations have become irrelevant.
Become "irrelevant" by the end of the century, the shadow chancellor has suggested.
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Has suggested that he will secure the borders, enforce immigration law, bring back manufacturing jobs, and eliminate insider and lobbyist-related corruption in Washington, so there's nothing at all wrong with THAT agenda.
That agenda wasn't made available in a timely manner.
Timely manner practices are greatly appreciated by those who are waiting on you.
On you now the dame things going to sting someone in a minute.
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A minute ago, I was responding to a different submission.
Different submission, yet our research manuscript got the same rejection.
Same rejection letter was received from six different companies, nothing like personalizing.
Like personalizing an e-mail, I included derogatory statements, triggering remarks, offensive terminology, and schoolboy vulgarity.
Schoolboy vulgarity and bulling was said to be the cause of death.
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Of death by "vulgarity and bulling", that appears to have become a concern in the early stages of the "snowflake generation".
Snowflake generation millennials love being offended by everything
By everything I've seen, since I discovered internet forums, no one ever changes a strongly held belief, because of something someone else posted on the internet.
The Internet taught me many fun new terms, such as "triggering", "micro-aggressions", "social justice warriors", "safe zones", and "snowflake generation millennials".
"Generation millennials" sensitivities has actually reduced the effectiveness of drill sergeants.
Drill sergeants were always the hardest to please.
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To please a drill sergeant, do exactly what he tells you to do, with more energy, and speed, than is humanly possible, and execute it with absolute perfection.
Absolute perfection is what sent men to the moon, created the Internet, and forged Japanese Samurai swords, yet what we have today is a bunch of millennial milk-toast gender-challenged crybabies who are emotional cripples.
Emotional cripples, are back in the gene pool, and the next dominant species is waiting to take over.
Take over from the management was the only way forward as without there intervention firm would have gone under for sure.
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For sure fire problem solving, try using your brain, instead of your impulses.
Your impulses seem to always land you in trouble.
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In trouble free times when you're financially secure, save $omething for the bad times.
Bad times should always be looked upon as windows of opportunity.
Of opportunity for beginners their starting pay is one of the best for new school leavers some £12 an hour.
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An hour spent fishing, doesn't count as part of your allotted lifespan.
Allotted lifespan for mosquitos on my skin is zero seconds.
Zero seconds, for the quarter mile, is a drag racers dream.
Racers dream of becoming world champions.
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World champions are soon forgotten, unless they do something weird later.
Weird later events made me wish that I had not gotten smashed blacked-out drunk at the local pub.
Local pub owners objected to the new anti happy hour ordinance.
Hour ordinance notifications should be abolished, especially for professional alcoholics.
Professional alcoholics don't get paid much, but they enjoy their work immensely.
Work immensely overwhelms me, so I soothe myself by going to the local pub to get drunk! ;)
Get drunk at home, so you won't have to drive.
To drive up some of the hills may have not been possible if we had not got our X-Trail.
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Our X-Trail didn't work to well with dead batteries, and water in the fuel tank.
Fuel tank fill should never be water..
Be water borne while sailing, as it's much better than hitting the rocks.
The rocks thrown at the people in glass houses, created homelessness.
Created homelessness is be cause of the rise of the interest rate putting evan more people evicted due to repossession.
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"To repossession", said the exorcist, as he raised his glass to his best source of employment opportunities.
Employment opportunities in the inner city include prostitution, selling crack, and being a Soros-funded leftist protester.
Leftist protester jobs are being filled as we speak.
We speak about being an alcoholic at the AA meetings the chap said.
( Hmm :o I'll stick to my brandy )
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Chap said, "I'm too drunk to drive to an AA meeting, and intend to stay that way for the foreseeable future".
Foreseeable future look quite Rosie
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"Quite Rosie" was the original title of the 1977 AC/DC rocker "Whole Lotta Rosie".
"Lotta Rosie", was the nickname she hated after a minor weight gain.
Weight gain was required for De Niro to shoot the second half of Raging Bull.
Raging Bull horns gored all who dared enter the Minotaur's labyrinth.
"Minotaur's labyrinth of lies!", yelled his mother as he tried to explain why he was late getting home.
Getting home the first thing we do is to put the kettle on.
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Kettle on the fire, filled with stew, kept everyone fed regardless of their erratic schedules.
Erratic schedules has been the story of my life since being kicked out of the nest.
The vest saved his life with out it he would have died.
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Have died eagles ever returned from the grave to flay back to the NEST? ;)
“The Nest†is a novel, by Cynthia D’Aprix Sweeney, about squabbling siblings.
Squabbling siblings were wrestling on the floor, fighting to see who would get the last piece of pepperoni pizza.
Pepperoni pizza is not for me yuk give me an Hawaiian any day.
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Any day without pepperoni pizza, washed down with beer, is a day of absolute misery.
Absolute misery was endured as we waited for the delivery of six large pepperoni pizzas, with extra pepperoni.
Extra pepperoni was ordered but was not added so we were given two voucher to spend in store.
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"In store credit", in lieu of a refund, doesn't help if they don't carry anything you can use.
Can use almost anything within reason as long as it costs less then £1000
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Then, £1000 could buy a lot more than it does now, but I'm in the States, and more concerned about the dollar.
The dollar, like all fiat money, is often only worth the paper that it is printed on.
Printed on supercalendered paper stock, it resembled a glossy magazine, rather than a cheap insert.
Cheap insert doors on 8-track tape players forced me to switch to compact discs.
Compact discs will soon stopped being sold in our local shop.
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Local shop owners agreed to stop engaging in price wars.
Price wars are better than covert operations.
Covert operations haven't been so covert since leaking stopped being seen as aberrant behavior.
Aberrant behavior can often be seen in children who are not raised properly.
Raised properly, even the dog breeds with the worst reputations, can be loving pets.
Loving pets bring in the morning paper, and aggressively bite strangers.
Bite strangers only after they're thoroughly cooked, or risk exposure to stranger borne pathogens.
Borne pathogens should never be confused with The Bourne Supremacy.
Bourne Supremacy (The), got a score of 81% from "Rotten Tomatoes".
Rotten Tomatoes will at least be going on the compost heap,
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Compost heap maintenance is lots of very smelly work.
Smelly work includes fishmonger, garbageman, septic-tank cleaner, and searching for narcotics at the airport. ;)
The airport needs cleaner rest rooms, and shorter lines.
Shorter lines and wait times would make Disney World a lot more fun.
More fun can be had, if you just stop worrying about the small stuff.
Small stuff sell all the items for your model village and dolls house
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Dolls house furniture is way too small for my big Butt.
Big but needed to put down the bottom of our garden to collect the rain water off the garage roof.
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Garage roof patched, I turned my attention to the leaky out house.
Out house maintenance involves lots of scrubbing with lye.
With lye, I clean my out house, and with lies, I clean my conscience.
My conscience won't let me do that now.
"That!, now here!, you lazy worthless sod", said the boss to the lowly grunt.
Lowly "grunt" (aka "Marine" or "Infantryman"), unlike "pogue", is a term of grateful affection.
Grateful affection is what socialists demand from the starving masses.
Starving masses don't have many successful revolutions, because they're too weak from starvation to have enough energy.
Enough energy to raise the glass, yet not enough to finish the drink.
The drunk was five times over the drink drive limit but was able to walk in a strate line.
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Strate line or not, between misspelling "straight", and the breathalyzer results, he was found guilty and sentenced in the local court.
Local court proceedings were briefly interrupted by the judge thumbing through his pocket dictionary.
Pocket dictionary contents may not include some obscure words.
Obscure words baffle the unenlightened.
The unenlightened masses let it happen
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It happened that I just had to change that word.
That word shouldn't be used in polite discourse.
Polite discourse often overshadows needed critical thinking.
Critical thinking is rare among opinionated people.
Opinionated people always avoid debate.
Avoid debate with a lawyer or a politician, if you score a point, they revert to "talking points" unrelated to the subject at hand.
At hand, one wild turkey is better than two in the bush.
The bush was so thick and full of thorns, that it served as an effective intruder deterrent.
Intruder deterrent measures include a firewall, an antivirus program, and a loaded shotgun.
Loaded shotgun shells (rock salt), were used to discourage pranksters with what was usually nonlethal force.
Nonlethal force is usually all that's needed to handle drunken and unruly bar patrons.
Bar patrons were not overjoyed at the prospect of another prohibition era.
Prohibition Era bootleggers rigged their Fords and Chevrolets with heavy duty suspensions, hidden compartments, and drop flaps, which dumped their cargo if they couldn’t outrun the police.
The police in my town appear reluctant to issue residents speeding tickets.
Speeding tickets should always be given to methamphetamine addicts.
Methamphetamine addicts usually have unflattering mugshots.
Unflattering mugshots prompted me to give up snorting speed and get back to booting smack.
Booting smack talking athletes off the team improved public relations, but the win-loss statistics suffered.
Statistics suffered at LzD when the game went in the previous direction!
Previous direction did not satisfy the movie's backers, so a new director was hired to start from scratch.
From scratch, I wrote a new software program with one 1 and one 0, yet it doesn't seem to do anything.
Do anything, but don't just stand there looking confused.
Looking confused, the staff member failed to understand my English when I said "Big Mac, please."
Mac, please stop singing E I E I O every time a farm animal is mentioned.
Is mentioned "political correctness" politically incorrect?
Politically incorrect slurs are now discouraged in basic training, so no one wants to be a drill sergeant anymore.
"Sergeant, anymore of these canned rations and the troops are going to vomit!"
To vomit after eating the C-rations, will result in a court martial for wasting government resources.
Government resources wasted on mock investigations into home e-mail servers.
E-mail servers that are provided by the employer, may be scrutinized by the employer's policy enforcers.
Policy enforcers must actually enforce policies to legitimately be called policy enforcers.
Policy enforcers, from the homeowners association, were told to "get off my lawn".
My lawn is a sacred place, said the typical idiotic American factory worker.
Factory worker skills are hard to sell unless you're a well programmed computer.
Programmed computer bots built our new four-door sedan.
"Door sedan", preceded by a number, gives you a hint about an automobile's body style, and ease of passenger entry.
Passenger entry is usually via a single companionway in most sailing yachts.
Sailing yachts are in big demand for use as an alternative Holliday experience.
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Holiday experience, has been compared to PTSD by overwhelmed celebrants.
Overwhelmed celebrants fainted with the beers still in their hands.
Their hands were tied by the bureaucratic rules.
Bureaucratic rules are the seeds of the term "red tape".
Red tape is used with other colors for use in electrical phase identification, color coding of motor leads and piping systems, and for marking safety areas clearly.
Areas clearly demarcated with two black diamonds are meant exclusively for expert downhill snow skiers.
Snow skiers adapted their sport to sand dunes during the summer months.
Summer months are when the living is easy, the fish are jumping, and the cotton is high.
Is high school enough education for a manufacturing job?
Manufacturing job in hand, the eighth-grader quit school, as a high school education was not needed.
Not needed until he wanted a better job, he had to find someone who could teach a forty-year-old calculus.
forty-year-old calculus tutorial is indeed needed
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"Indeed needed!", I reaffirmed, when asked by my wife if life jackets should be on the boat.
The boat's crew, and passengers, are at the bottom of the lake snorkeling.
Lake snorkeling is much different from deep-sea scuba diving.
Scuba diving can get you eaten by a giant clam.
Giant Clam and his friend Super Squid were both laughing when Mr. Great White bit off my legs.
My legs reach all the way to the floor, unless I jump really high.
Really high Beatles write songs like Magical Mystery Tour.
Mystery tour guides wear masks depicting cartoon characters.
Cartoon characters often depict the folly, struggles, and mishaps of everyday life.
Everyday life, can be filled with adventures, or crises, depending on your outlook.
Your outlook and mine may differ, yet we probably both agree that malicious code is a drag.
A drag is a device used to adjust line tension on a fishing reel.
Fishing reel, rod, and bobber in hand, I went searching for a nightcrawler to bait my hook.
My hook has feathers and fur tied to it to resemble an aquatic insect, bobbers and night-crawlers are like cheating.
Like cheating, I went fly fishing using real flies.
Real flies emerged when the maggots matured.
Maggots matured into flies, flew high in the sky, buzzed around a bit, and got eaten alive.
Eaten alive by black-flies, aka "the defenders of the northern forest".
Northern forest fires are the cause of the decline in wine vinyards
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Wine vineyards can't make it as fast as my sister-in-law can drink it.
"Drink it up!", said Reverend Jim Jones in 1978.
In 1978 California voters approved Proposition 13.
Proposition 13, unlike my previous 12 propositions, convinced my wife to marry me.
"Marry me", been broke ever since those words were said.
Were said vows adhered to after marriage?
After marriage the cost of maintaining a mistress is essentially prohibitive.
Essentially prohibitive laws create problems for those who wish to follow them.
Follow them down that dark thorny path and you will be led into the abyss.
The abyss is nothing more than an especially deep hole.
Deep hole in the middle of town apparently appeared overnight they say sink wholes can appear any where.
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Any where a sink hole forms, is bound to be where someone just parked a brand new, expensive, recently purchased car.
Purchased car, called in sick to work, drank two bottles of Scotch, turned up the radio, blasted down the road, missed the turn, and smashed headlong into a tree.
A tree fell across the river, providing us with a dry easy crossing.
"Easy crossing!", I told my crew as we left Fort Lauderdale for Nassau, Bahamas.
Nassau, Bahamas, in 1713, was home to more pirates than to ordinary citizens.
Ordinary citizens have 2.5 children, a used car, massive debt, and a dog.
A dog, even a small one, makes a better bodyguard than most paid security personnel.
Security personnel are not needed when your body odor alone is enough to quash all hostile threats.
Hostile threats are best dealt with by applying overwhelming force.
Overwhelming force was needed to loosen the lug nuts on the wheels of my old Jeep.
Old jeep was for sale in the post office window for only £500
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Only £500 for an old jeep, what's that in real money?
Real money, or just a wink and a promise?
A "promise ring" is a half way measure that only benefits jewelers.
Benefits jewelers enjoy include keeping the best stones for themselves and their friends.
Their friends did them more harm by accident, than the most insidious deliberate acts of their implacable enemies
Implacable enemies are best dispatched quickly.
Dispatched quickly to the crime scene, the police found the perpetrator still lingering.
Still lingering 30 minutes after going to the toilet, he opened all the windows to eliminate the horrible stench.
Horrible stench producing gasses, caused a spontaneous evacuation just before the volcano erupted violently.
"Erupted Violently, Then Cooled Off: A Tale of Two Women", the latest novel by Tom Wolfe about Mount Kilauea and his wife.
His wife met his girlfriend, and together they plotted a horrible punishment.
Horrible punishment awaits those who stupidly vote for corrupt lying politicians.
Lying politicians are the only kind that stand a chance of getting elected.
Getting "Elected" only to #26 on the US charts was frustrating for Alice Cooper, as it got to #4 in the UK and #3 in Austria.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elected_%28song%29
In Austria, your chances of being eaten by a crocodile while drunk are significantly lower than they are in Australia while sober.
while sober they operated and left me with 188 stiches now I can remember why I try not to be completely sober
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Completely sober teetotalers nodded sagely and acted really judgemental.
Really judgmental teetotalers do not understand the pleasure of being completely inebriated.
Completely inebriated is slightly more debilitating than pleasantly buzzed.
Pleasantly buzzed plays second fiddle to blindingly smashed.
Blindingly smashed automobiles were rebuilt for the demolition derby.
Demolition derby will be held this weekend at Birmingham wheels.
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Birmingham Wheels Park, if it were in the states would have a cooler name.
Cooler name, such as Igloo, Thermos, and Coleman, should be replaced by cooler names such as Adult Bev Spot or Buzz Zone.
"Buzz Zone" would make a very uncool name for a race track, try "Thunder Road".
"Thunder Road" was used for the adult V8-displacement oval, while that for the grade-school go-cart racers was called the "Buzz Zone"
"Buzz Zone" wouldn't even make a good name for a bar, because your spouses would not let anyone go there to get buzzed alone.
Buzzed alone, or in pairs, the fact remains that mosquitos are no fun.
No fun was had by the hapless souls that the giant mosquitoes carried off to feed to their ravenous larvae.
Ravenous larvae ate through my collection of early Beatles records, then jumped up and sang "I Want To Hold Your Hand".
Your hand should be kept away from the machinery until the safeties are engaged, and power is disconnected completely.
Disconnected completely, bought an acre of land in the northern woods, built a one-room cabin, stopped shaving, and wrote a manifesto.
A manifesto found in the bearded recluse's north woods cabin, appeared to be the product of a twisted mind indulging in controlled substances.
Controlled substances obtained, the unshaven north-woods recluse headed back to his cabin to continue working on his small wooden 'box of surprise' and his manifesto.
His manifesto was about as coherent as his scruffy beard, and the only surprise in the box was his collection of malodorous toenail clippings.
Toenail clippings have no value, while hair locks and kidneys are a cash crop.
Cash crop harvesters, worked all day, and were paid with a small coffee.
Small coffee cups are often seen in doll houses.
Doll houses are too small to comfortably house grungy manifesto writing hermits.
Writing hermits can be found in caves on remote mountaintops, as well as in inner-city barrios, yet the wisest of those loner penmen can be found floating around on yachts, with cold wine, steaks, and hot-water showers, as they understand that comfort often clears the mind when writing hermit manifestos.
Hermit manifestos are best forgotten after the writer is cured of his insane misanthropy.
Insane misanthropy is often contained in the maniacal jottings of a lone penman, yet sometimes valuable lessons can be wrung from the sweat-soaked pages of hermit manifestos.
Hermit manifestos are generally to incoherent for rational analysis.
Rational analysis should not be confused with peritoneal dialysis.
Peritoneal dialysis is an alternative to the much more common hemodialysis.
Common haemodialysis unit is what we have for Netty to use at least we only have to go to the dialysis unit one or twice a month now.
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"Month" now is how Mom records the baby's age, after it gets older, age will be given in "year(s)".
In years gone by, tap water, rotary phones, drum brakes, and 12-inch vinyl records were the norm.
The norm is a mathematical term, with a definition that would make most people's eyes glaze over.
Glaze over the facts and you will never see inside the truth.
The truth doesn't matter when constructing sentences for this word game.
Word game to be played by as many family member as possible.
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As possible plans are discussed, it becomes obvious that we're facing a unmitigated disaster.
Unmitigated disaster relief packages should include a pack of Oreo cookies, a pint of whole milk, two bottles of expensive Scotch, a pack of Lucky Strikes, a box of strike-anywhere matches, fresh Fruit-of-the-Loom underwear (ironed), two front-row tickets to a Paul McCartney show, a years supply of oxycodone, Steven Tyler's "no-limit" black American Express card, and a 1960s-era photo of Sophia Loren.
Sophia Loren and Paul McCartney fans, who remember Lucky Strikes, are definitely getting a bit long in the tooth.
The tooth on the main cog of my time machine broke, and I'm now stuck at a 1975 KISS concert.
Kiss concert groupies, by pretending to have backstage passes.
Backstage passes are never given to people who want deep conversations.
Deep conversation are always the talk of the night.
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"The night stalker" was a pseudonym used by various news outlets to glamorize the acts of a serial killer.
Serial killer mistakes include leaving fingerprints, hair follicles, DNA, bite marks, tire tracks, and your ID and mobile phone at the scene of the crime.
The crime scene photos, made the jury gag and vomit continuously.
Vomit continuously after meals and you will soon resemble Karen Carpenter.
Karen Carpenter had a voice I could listen to all day.
All day care facilities should be licensed, and staffed by qualified personnel who've passed drug tests, and a criminal background check.
Background check seems to be slack some thing has to be done
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Be done with password breaches by sending all messages via carrier pigeons.
Carrier pigeons only work in one direction (they always head home), and they can be "hacked" with premium birdseed.
Premium birdseed in hand, THEY flew down to the DNC to see if Uncle Bernie would sell out for a new island house on a Vermont lake.
Vermont lake front property is overpriced considering the winter long isolation.
Long isolation at a Vermont lake house is the ideal time to ice fish, skate, shovel show, snowshoe, and white hermit manifestos.
Hermit manifestos are never read by anyone but the author, and sometimes law enforcement analysts.
Enforcement analysts, much to their surprise, and chagrin, only become aware of a hermit manifesto after it gets a full page in the New York Times, and as fun as that may appear, it's the current state of the nation.
The nation seems unsure of itself as the candidates for President battle it out :'(
It out did the old computer when it managed to crash seven times in a week.
A week in the tropics is worth a year in the tundra.
The tundra gets a little chilly during the winter months.
Winter months in the Bahamas are spent daydreaming about summer months in coastal Maine.
Coastal Maine tourist traps often feature overpriced lobster with free bibs.
Free bibs and tissues are given to whiny adults who cry about the price of Maine lobsters.
Maine lobsters are included in most beach party clambakes.
Party clambakes finished, we packed the kids into our new '55 station wagon and went to the drive-in theater to watch Godzilla.
Watch Godzilla squabble with Mothra and Rodan if you must, but stay out of their way when things get heated.
Get heated seats and mirrors included on all new cars registered before the end of November only at your local KIA main dealer.
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Main dealer arrested, he was forced to do back-alley drug deals.
Drug deals, in back alleys, do not appear to be covered by most medical insurance policies, with reasonable co-payments.
Reasonable co-payments exhausted his savings and he is now living in a cardboard box under an overpass.
An overpass is a less desirable abode than a bridge over a fish-able water-body.
Fish-able water-body areas include inland and coastal Maine, Japan, the Grand Banks, and all computers owned by land whales.
Land Whales, in their natural habitat, can be observed at Walmart and similar locales.
Similar locales offer similar cocktails.
Similar cocktails, but without alcohol, were a huge disappointment at the Kiddy Table.
Kiddy table tennis is to be held this Saturday at 10am sharp members must sign in.
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Sign in before curfew tonight, or suffer unpleasant consequences tomorrow.
Consequences tomorrow are not on my mind as I drink today.
Drink today in a country club, tomorrow it will be in a back alley gutter.
Alley gutter a narrow trough or duct which collects rainwater from the roof of a building and diverts it away from the structure, typically into a drain.
A drain in the road will need to be cleaned as they are full of slug etc our local council at least keep a check of it.
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Of "it", I know little, and of "that", I know less.
Know less than the teachers, or they can't help you.
"Help you help me!" is a phrase used by selfish people and sneaky politicians.
Sneaky politicians are better at separating you from your money than actual thieves.
Actual thieves often leave evidence, unlike sneaky treacherous subhumans who wipe their servers.
Their servers were vulnerable to so called "State Sponsored Hackers".
Sponsored hackers will be at the village hall this Thursday to demonstrate how to do the top ten life hacks
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Life hacks may seem clever, but they're just common sense.
Common sense will inform you as to who is the right man for The Whitehouse.
The Whitehouse has changed parties every eight years since FDR left office, with two notable exceptions.
Notable exceptions to the list of law-abiding honest humans are DC politicians.
DC politicians who promise to reduce taxes are either lying, or acting against their own best interests.
Best interests are often set aside in favor of sinful activities.
Sinful activities are defined by people who don't have any fun, and want their miserable lifestyles imposed upon the entire species.
"Entire species?", I asked, when told that the human race was doomed to extinction.
To extinction and beyond may have been the line Catch phrase Buzz light year used in the film toy story Instead they used To infinity and beyond.
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And Beyond will take you ‘beyond the edge’ of classic rock, covering a wide variety of artists spanning five decades.
Five decades, made a huge difference in how people in my area view the second amendment.
Second amendment rights thwart tyranny.
Thwart tyranny by voting the bums out.
Bums outside the liquor store always begging for change.
For change, you've got to stop doing the same old thing.
Old thing cherished due to age.
To age grasfully is what everyone would like but sadly we are not all the same
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The same old cons are still making the same old shysters rich.
Shysters rich in ideas and poor in conscience.
In conscience, I cannot return your car keys after you finished that fourth bottle of bourbon, as a matter of fact I'm surprised you're still conscious.
Still conscious, I left the raging all-nighter, staggered to my ’69 440 6-pack Challenger, fired up the engine, cranked up the tape deck, dropped the clutch, smoked the tires, blasted down the country road, and wrapped it around a tree.
A tree fell on my house during the evening of Hurricane Floyd, so I called my insurance carrier, left a message, and went back to bed.
To bed early she was told for being naughty at school,
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At school we learned how to pretend to be paying attention.
Paying attention to ultra-liberal mainstream media bias triggers the human vomit reflex and makes one realize that the founding fathers are rolling in their graves.
Their graves were dug before the summary execution.
Summary execution should always be applied to illegal immigrants.
Illegal immigrants appear to inexplicably, won the sympathies, and affected the voting patterns, of legal immigrants.
Legal immigrants should be applauded, while illegal immigrants should be stuffed into the Obama-1 rocket to populate Mars.
Populate Mars with earthlings, just to upset those elitist martians.
Elitist Martians will build a green wall.
Green wall paint was not what they had in mind when they recommended "green living".
"Green living", somewhat akin to Amsterdam, means that Americans will soon have a 24-hour drive-through weed shop on every corner.
Every corner store on skid row carried the same foul brand of box wine.
Box wine is wine packaged in a bag or a box.
A box was left in the airport unattended, so everyone panicked.
Everyone panicked when the well went dry.
Went dry for a while, until we could brew more beer.
More beer and less work makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.
And wise guys are constantly chiming in with their two cent rants.
Two-cent rants from the proletariat indicate the massive and growing underground currents of disgust about the corrupt beltway insiders.
Beltway insiders claiming that the opposition, is shocking, disturbing, and disgusting, only serves to further enhance their elitist image.
Elitist image is always being downplayed and masked by corrupt politicians who dumb-down the masses by stating "I'm just like you".
Like you, they abhor the current mainstream choices.
Mainstream choices for news, such as CNN, are where complete idiots go.
Idiots go to sales and spend money on items they don't need, and won't ever want.
Ever want the worth just open up and swallow you up
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You up tight snowflakes spoil all the interesting fun.
Interesting fun is to be had paint balling
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Paint balling wars are making the woods more colorful.
More colorful remarks make planet Earth a fun place to live.
To live without beer, is like living without beer.
Without beer is not like being sober, it's like being without beer.
Without beer my plowman's lunch is just the same.
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The same way people feel about being without whisky is the way I feel about being without beer.
Without beer that day one over biteing my nails feeling on edge
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On Edge browsers, there are still come websites that won't open.
Won't open up.
Open up bartender, we need more golden brew.
"Golden Brew Dreams", a new novel about being with beer.
With beer, a skilled souse can "burp" the National Anthem, including the high notes.
High notes include sky writing, Steve Perry's vocals in Journey, and every day when you are not without beer.
Without beer, there would have been no reason to invent agriculture, and civilizations would never have developed.
Have developed an allergic reaction to being without beer.
Without beer at the finish line, nobody entered the fundraiser race.
Fundraiser ... race to delete e-mails ... fundraiser ... race to wipe server ... fundraiser ... race to smash cell phones and iPads with a hammer, sure makes for a hectic schedule for super corrupt politicians that are switch-hitters and pathological liars.
Pathological liars will be court of at some point.
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What?
Some point men have an enhanced ability to notice irregularities.
What? ;)
Notice irregularities, and you will soon begin to understand the folly of mankind.
Of mankind, the most pernicious dictators are those who think they know what's best for the unenlightened masses.
Unenlightened masses they cannot make the judgement call
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"Judgement call" is how we excuse a decision that didn't work out so well.
So well hidden that even pro investigators cannot find the election fraud.
Election fraud is easy with SurveyMonkey, just clear your cookies and vote again.
"Vote again, and again, and again!", said the corrupt democrat candidate to the illegal aliens.
illegal aliens is a new up and coming girl band.
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Girl band aids are covered with flowers, unicorns, and bunny images.
Bunny images and nude centerfolds were a staple of Playboy magazine prior to the fall of the great Hugh Hefner.
Hugh Hefner is an American entrepreneur and founder of Playboy magazine who has a net worth of $50 million.
$50 million and still the players want more I can not see how footballers can be worth so much.
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So much depends on the most amazingly inept people.
Inept people just need a tad more training.
More training will take place every other Tuesday.
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Other Tuesday regular visitors to the bar, included local politicians and other criminals.
Other criminals have been apprehend after the police made several dawn raids.
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Dawn raids only caught the enemy sleeping once.
Sleeping, once upon a time, rested me, yet it now just keeps me from getting the job done.
"Job done" he thought, but that was only first of many tasks.
Many tasks await The Don once he takes office, such as building a wall, deporting illegal aliens and recent unvettable migrants, balancing the budget, renegotiating trade deals, bringing back manufacturing jobs, stamping out racially charged BLM protesters, appointing Constitution-minded Supreme Court Justices, strengthening the military, wrestling back control of the Net from ICANN and corrupt globalists, putting Brazile, Weiner, Abedin, and Hillary in prison, raising the flag, singing the National Anthem, eating a hot dog, going to a ball game, making America great again, and forcing Barry to admit that he is not a US citizen.
US citizen was held up at customs as he had a lot of gifts to take home.
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Take home a work of art from the auction, but don't overpay because you got caught in a bidding war.
Bidding war between two grannies at the yard sale turned into a knockdown drag-out fist fight.
Fist fight broke out last night at the annual over 90s bingo club.
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Bingo club members turned out to be more aggressive than members of the fight club.
Fight, club each other, then shake hands and eat some pie.
Some pie, made with lots of lard, was served free at the gym, ensuring that weight loss goals would be never achieved.
Never achieved failure equals total success.
Total success in fixing the leek the the bathroom.
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The bathroom is covered with mildew, and your mother-in-law is here for a surprise visit.
Surprise visit to the home of Carlos Danger made real American's very happy.
Very happy cavemen discovered the secrets of brewing beer.
brewing beer kind of happened by accident, similar to growing crops, domesticating animals, and learning how to use the Internet.
The Internet is where I saw it, so it must be true.
Be true to yourself and you will enjoy happy sunny days.
Sunny days may seem pleasant, but too many make a disastrous drought.
Disastrous drought conditions are never experienced on the deserts of the oceans when your sailing yacht is equipped with a robust onboard marine fresh water maker.
Water marker seemed to have been moved officials are looking in to sabacharge from one of the contenders.
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The contenders participated in a series of elimination matches.
Elimination matches are completely different from the 'strike anywhere' matches that rats sometimes use to start house fires.
House fires were simulated, for training purposes, in "flood zone" homes that would be eventually razed.
Eventually razed our lake-cottage outhouse, and surprisingly found a rabbit's foot, 6 four-leaf clovers, a jug of Irish whiskey, and a pot of gold.
Of Gold Coast beaches, this one was the most scenic.
Most scenic views are those that enlighten one about the harshness of life.
Of Life Magazine articles, that one was particularly slanted.
Particularly slanted in the wrong direction, the political views of some voters might actually help elect another super-corrupt globalist into the White House, thus assuring the end of Western civilization and the great country of America as you know it.
Know it all mr Peterson eventually did not know it all or he would have seen as well as heard the number 52 bus coming.
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Bus coming within the next fifteen minutes will take you downtown nonstop.
Downtown, nonstop trading happens on Wall Street.
Wall Street bankers are sometimes just hippies that grew up.
grew up in the big city
Big city nights.
City nights are hot and sweaty enough to make you chug tepid beer.
Tepid beer is best left in the fridge until reaching the proper temperature for guzzling.
For guzzling, there's nothing like locally made 200 proof moonshine to clear your sinuses.
Your sinuses may be open, yet your thinking is blocked.
Is blocked traffic giving you unbearable commuting times?
Commuting times are cut to zero when you have a home Internet business.
Internet business run from home can make your fortune.
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Your fortune disappeared in an instant, thanks to that Nigerian princess.
Nigerian princess images remind me of Cher in drag.
In drag racing, fuel economy is not particularly important.
particularly important files should be backed up on your computer in case of computer failure.
Computer failure is an unacceptable excuse to someone old enough to remember getting things done before computers.
Before computers, smart phones, and social media, unemployed snowflakes, vandals, and anarchists found it much more difficult to organize unlawful assemblies.
Unlawful assemblies are run in schools accross the land by the fith years
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Fifth-year students are now learning about America the beautiful.
The beautiful diva, who never needed to learn how to be nice, didn't age gracefully.
Age gracefully, or burn out quickly like a flaming ball of hot noxious gas.
Noxious gas from a nearby hog farm's manure disposal area, gave a whole new meaning to the term "good country air".
Country air, t-bone steaks, cold beer, a Hinckley yacht, and nationalist pride are all I need.
I need more money.
More Money is needed now more than ever since the record number of people have had to tighten there belts since the budget.
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The budget was ignored, funds were depleted, poverty ensued.
Poverty ensued is still riff in the UK but you can make a difference to someone this year
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This year stuff happened, celebrate it, or get over it.
"Over it already", replied the voter when asked his feelings about the election results.
Election results surprised the "experts" who actually didn't have a clue, and based on their explanations, still don't.
Still don't see the forest for the trees.
The trees that fell on my house, changed the way I anticipate storms.
Anticipate storms is becoming big business, as manufactures trying to get a heads up to three months weather predictions.
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Weather predictions that go beyond two days are pure speculation.
Pure speculation at this time but someone's in trouble and it's not me.
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"Not me", was the standard answer from each prime suspect.
Prime Suspect is a British police procedural television drama series.
Drama series writers ran out of material long ago, and are waiting to get new ideas from the next creative villain.
Creative villain plots usually include numerous twists and turns that amaze and elate movie goers.
Movie goers are in for a treet this Friday as not only do they get to see the the latest blockbuster but the whole series
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Whole series lineups were cancelled after the censors finished.
Censors finished meeting in Deutschland the other day, oh how coy they are, and now the global leftist gang's all on board for curtailing free speech and alt news on the net, oh don't ya know?
#pizzagate
Ya know of any good places to get kibble?
Get kibble they said but I perfur not to give our dogs to much,
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To much of the world, the survival of the human species after the "snowflake generation" takes the reins, is counter-intuitive to the theories of natural selection.
Natural selection is the differential survival and reproduction of individuals due to differences in phenotype.
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In phenotype characteristics, environmental conditions can be a critical factor.
Critical factor elucidated, we changed the formula.
The formula has remained the same for over one hundred years.
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Hundred Years’ War actually lasted one hundred sixteen years.
Sixteen years ago now seems like the distant past.
Distant past acquaintances are remembered more vividly than current friends.
Current friends and contacts will be moved over to your new phone automatically.
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Phone automatically to every number that could possibly exist, and you might find enough suckers to make a profit out of being hated.
Being hated yet correct trumps being loved yet wrong.
(pizza gate; pizzagate; #pizzagate)
Yet, wrong answers were given partial credit to ensure the college still had some "jocks" on the football team.
Football team players are being aurged to take a pay cut in a bid to lower ticket prices.
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Ticket prices charged by a scalper, are totally unrelated to the face value.
Face value of recent stories about "fake news" is zero, as folks are becoming cognizant of the reality that mainstream media is in the business of spreading lies.
Spreading lies was once strictly under the jurisdiction of salesmen and political operatives.
Political operatives are dumbing-down the masses to the complete, sadistic, evil, new world order corruption.
Order corruption investigators do their jobs, and stop accepting gratuities.
Accepting gratuities is not one usually excepted by Our local police but I have on the odd occasion made a small contribution to there Christmas ball ::)
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Christmas ball games can be used as an excuse to avoid annoying relatives.
Annoying relatives should never be invited to Christmas dinner.
Christmas dinner without annoying relatives would be just dinner.
Just dinner with wine and no dessert is fine for me.
For me, a side of venison will serve as a breakfast appetizer.
Breackfast appietizers are on the increase in a bid to getting people to eat a breakfast in a morning as a survey has found only one in 100 people actually eat one.
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Eat one whole 2,200,000 Scoville Heat Unit 'Carolina Reaper' pepper, wait 10 seconds, then tell us if you're having fun.
Having fun generally involves activities that you're good at, but still present an interesting challenge.
Intersting challenge to the former open-border globalist rape and destruction of a nation now makes America once again a great place to live.
To live life to the full you have to take each day as it is your last.
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Your last try failed as badly as your first miserable attempt.
Miserable attempt by mainstream media at quashing the DC/global pedophile story.
pediophile story a book out last. january and is still in the top 10 best selling books of 2015
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Of 2015 users, not one would recommend it to their friends.
Their friends are probably better off!
Better off-base topics often pique my interest.
My interest in motorsports is still as stronge as it always has been.
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"Has been" heroes are left without much more than their memories, and their old medals.
Old medals babysit old trophies on the shelf.
The shelf where we store the anvils collapsed.
Anvils, collapsed barn, a pile of old horseshoes, and a wad of chewing tobacco are all that's left of my blacksmith business after the typhoon.
The typhoon evacuation warnings only inspired the islanders to get out the heavy duty surfboards.
Duty surfboards what Evers next tax on breathing
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On breathing, I suggest that they use oxygen and slowly relax.
Slowly relax, or your head will explode from extreme apoplexy.
Extreme apoplexy hurts my brain and requires that I rest at home.
At home I can sit around playing stupid word games on internet message boards.
Message boards is an Internet site where people can post and read messages, usually on a specific topic or area of interest.
Of interest is what happened to the stock market after the election, and speculation about how long it will continue climbing.
Continue climbing until nationalism wins and globalist pizzagate pedophiles die.
Pedohiles die in his cell unaware his appeal found him not guilty
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"Not guilty", according to the lawyers, isn't the same as actually being innocent.
Being innocent of taking one or more of Nettys homemade Cookies will always turns out to be a guilty verdict as there just to good to pass by.
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Pass by the skin of your teeth, or with a perfect score, but don't suffer a disgraceful failure.
Disgraceful failure was made this afternoon by the wheel barrow display team when the leading barrow lost its wheel
.
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Its wheel fell off due to an error in lug nut torque.
Nut torque is important to do correctly when you attach a spare tire to your car.
Your car is a transportation tool, not a ball gown, if it runs well, how it looks is obviously unimportant.
Obviously unimportant requests should be immediately forgotten.
Immediately forgotten advice, usually involves quitting a bad habit that you enjoy.
You enjoy your meal out it's been a long time since you took your wife out
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Wife out did herself by shopping faster than the entire resources of the world's industries could make stuff for her to buy.
To buy at a lower price know matter what you were wanted to buy haddle ask for a discount.
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A discount is good for the piggy bank.
Piggy bank savers never earn dividends and interest, and totally miss out on the excitement involved with capital gains or losses, but at least they don't get taxed for being thrifty.
Being thrifty is better than being broke.
Being broke was something I never experienced until I got married, then it became a perpetual lifestyle.
Perpetual lifestyle loved, they sailed from Vanuatu to New Caledonia.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgDx8ZOLeYA
New Caledonia is one of the few countries or territories in the world with two official national flags.
National flags, national anthems, and honest presidents make us happy US patriots.
US patriots are being honoured this weekend
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This weekend, all I did was laundry.
Was laundry done last Tuesday or Thursday,
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"Or Thursday afternoon", answered that man when asked if he could work on Wednesday.
On Wednesday he couldn't come to work because he was busy smuggling contraband into a maximum security prison.
Security prison HMP Wilson green in Birmingham was taken over by two hundred rioting prisoners
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Rioting prisoners were sent to bed without any supper.
Any supper should include a nice champagne toast to the chef.
The chef specialized in wild game cookery, but he would willingly saute some fresh road kill.
Road kill such as possums & skunks is often seen in rural Maine.
Rural Maine towns that take charge have a better shot at success,
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At success awards, Hollywood stars love to smile.
To smile at one's own folly, is probably healthier than crying about it.
About it, I know little, yet about little, I know loads.
Know loads of trivia about boring subjects. so nobody cares to converse routinely.
Converse routinely when required, yet be silent when thinking deeply.
Thinking deeply may cause the unpracticed some brain damage.
Brain damage can occur if you try to quit smoking.
Quit smoking and you'll feel much better was what his doctor said to him.
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To him, smokers were the only group that could be discriminated against, without offending the arbiters of what is politically correct.
Politically correct idiocy, such as ongoing tobacco laws, elimination of free speech, and throwing away the Internet and US Constitution should be taught to all brain-dead millennial snowflakes.
Millennial snowflakes, were raised by the people who were raised by hippies, who in turn, were raised by the heroes of the second world war.
World war is never a fun time.
"Fun time" is a euphemism we use for certain censored activities.
"Censored activities" from my mother included sleeping late, coming home drunk, forgetting chores, not eating veggies, and using the Lord's name in vain.
in vain we went on be to no avail.
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No avail is usually a loss.
A loss in the market can be used to offset taxable gains.
Taxable gains I love them as long as I can keep getting the duty off my brandy I all for them.
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For them type of winds, I usually use the main sail and a jib.
A jib is something only one of those rich yachtsmen would use in a sentence.
A sentence was handed out to the sailor by the judge.
The judge based the penalties in inverse proportion to the size of the bribe received.
Bribe received in New York City is far different from one received in Papua New Guinea.
New Guinea is considered the world's second largest island.
Largest island life can sometimes be fun, yet true paradise is living alone anchored at a remote, South-Pacific uninhabited atoll.
Uninhabited atoll is what the locals of the island of Caroline Island (also known as Millenniumisland)
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As Millenniumisland approaches midnight it becomes the first land mass to experience a new day, or a new week, or a new month, or a new year, or even its namesake.
In namesake, yet not namesake only, the lovely, smart, and elegant Ivanka proves that apples don't fall far from the tree.
The tree has grown so much it looks as if it's toughing the clouds.
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The clouds blocked my view of yet another celestial event.
Celestial events help wise sailors circumnavigate.
Sailors circumnavigate the globe with the use of the equivalent to a Tom Tom that car drivers use to get to there destinations
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There (their?) destinations weren't shown on the old map they used, and the GPS batteries were very dead.
Very dead batteries, used coffee grounds, broken tricycles, and Hillary for President buttons all look great in a landfill.
A landfill is just a polite term for a garbage dump, complete with the usual odious odors.
Odious odors at lakeside latrines make Manitoba Mounties write toilet tickets.
Toilet tickets (for admission) were the most profitable item at the Texas chili festival for the opportunistic scalpers.
Opportunistic scalpers include folks with KISS concert tickets and brave warriors at Little Bighorn.
Little Bighorn was a bloody battle known to the Lakota and other Plains Indians as the Battle of the Greasy Grass and commonly referred to as Custer's Last Stand.
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Last Stand of old growth oak remaining, was preserved as a park, for posterity.
For posterity, we made a record of the events in order to preserve the truth about what had happened there.
"Happened there?', I asked, as I quickly walked by and causualy strode to the expensive 'Members Bar'.
Members bar nearly back fired as I was a none member as we were on holiday but by the time our holiday was over I was the only guess that was allowed in to the only members bar.
( Those that know me knows that that was a wise desition ::) )
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Members bar outsiders from entering their snooty club.
Snooty club, booty club, cootie club, and duty club are all clubs.
All clubs, maces. daggers, lances, pikes, swords, and truncheons, must be checked at the door before participating in the melee.
The Melee Games is heading into it's 6th season and it's better than ever. Join over 200 schools in North America's premier collegiate Super Smash Bros.
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'Smash bros', 'clash sisters', and 'trash parents' are odd terms that sound like modern American english.
Smash Bros., known in Japan as DairantÅ Smash Brothers, is still being called "Super" even though it's been around since the 1999 vintage Nintendo.
Vintage Nintendo appeared lightyears after the games, such as skinny dipping, smashing pumpkins, burning leaves, and throwing snowballs, that my friends and I did when we were growing up.
Growing up without television can produce an avid reader.
Avid reader, or just an interested intellectual?
Interested intellectual showoffs try to impress by asking too many obtuse questions.
Obtuse questions make a lot of people uneasy.
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People, uneasy as the situation may seem, there's really nothing to get paranoid about.
Paranoid about results is why some people cheat.
People cheat their employees every day even if it is only a minute here and there.
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...And there are plenty of self serving drones that cheat their employers ruthlessly.
Employers ruthlessly try to get out of paying its work force overtime its outrageous
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Its outrageous when employees feel entitled just for showing up sometime before the end of the shift.
The shift starts at 6:30am .
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'6:30am' is often a work time for me, as my Internet business is open 24-hours a day, 7-days a week.
A week is not enough time to complete that project with the staff available.
Staff available to talk you though the steps of setting it up.
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It "up to dates" your wardrobe while you're still getting dressed, so we called it the AI Valet.
'AI Valet Model Ultra X9', my personal butler who I named "My Good Sir, Jeeves", is solar powered, never sassy, always well groomed, and programmed to correctly cook my daily Maine lobster.
Maine lobster is flown in daily except Sundays.
Except Sundays, I spend my time ranting about the corrupt _______ and my hatred of the _________, not to mention my complete disgust of the _____________ and the ______, which is enough to make any ______ go crazy, to put it mildly.
It mildly spiced the tasteless meal, making it somewhat palatable.
Somewhat palatable, yet extremely spicy.
Extremely spicy foods do not cause heartburn or stomach ulcer but can worsen both conditions.
Both conditions are fine for me, yet right now I prefer relaxed over busy.
Over busy is a slight understatement as the shop will be closed all day yup one whole day so you can see why everyone's out last minute shopping.
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Minute shopping is best at a place where time is available.
Is "available time" the same as "free time"?
"Free time" is the antithesis of "time is money".
Is money through root of all Eval or is it just beer money ::)
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Beer money is the root of all mellow.
All mellow-flavored pale ales make me want to personally kill the beer elves.
Beer elves delivery drivers like delivering to me house as they completely empty there lorry load after witch they can go home.
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Go home before you start drinking excessively vast quantities of neutral spirits.
Neutral spirits not me I gonly for spirits that have at least 40% proof
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40% proof (percent or proof ?) either way it's is way too weak for the good old boys on a week long bender.
Long bender over, I fell on the bed with my head spinning and realized that I'd be calling in sick today.
Sick today, but I'm feeling much better now.
Better now than later.
Than later models, the cars of the '50s and '60s were much cooler.
MUCH cooler, MUCH better built, MUCH better smelling, MUCH more fun, and MUCH more desirable American automobiles were built 50 years ago.
Years ago you would have to wait a few day maybe evan a week to see the photos that you had to
Uck as we had to use films in our cameras not digital cameras.
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Digital cameras were invented in 1975 by an engineer named Steve Sasson, employed by Eastman Kodak.
Eastman Kodak, was once referred to as a "benevolent monopoly", see how the mighty have fallen.
Have fallen on ice while skating at age two, yet doing that now seems to hurt.
To hurt a snowflake is less challenging than not hurting them.
"Hurting them snowflakes" is a thought that never entered my mind when young, yet it now enters my mind every day.
Every day spent fishing doesn't count against your allotted lifespan, but the days you spend doing something you hate count double.
Count Double, the obese older brother of Count Dracula, prefers French pinot noir over blood.
Over blood rivers and streams of gore, we exited the battlefield victorious.
Battlefield-victorious, the republicans danced and sang and went to the pub.
The pub on the corner was the town's main social center, much the the consternation of the tea-totaling clique.
Totaling clique members, we suddenly realized that the majority of those people were brain-dead lemmings.
Brain-dead lemmings was the name of the game.
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The game required neither skill nor brains, just dumb luck.
Dumb luck never outranks finely honed talent.
Honed talent has sharpened a lot of dull blades.
Dull blades are never used by the talented chefs of super spies.
Super spies are a breed to them selves being able to move around without detection
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Without detection, a lone wolf walked into our camp and ate three hotdogs.
Three hotdogs with beans and beer will make a lone wolf belch repeatedly.
Belch repeatedly when dining in Rome, as it shows the dinner is absolutely wonderful.
Absolutely wonderful colours of this summers clothing ranges all available to click and collet at argos,
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At Argos, we stopped our car and stretched our legs, happy to be back in Peloponnese, the home of Kalamata olives, the absolute BEST olives in the world, and then we met our friends and took a relaxing stroll around the ancient theater and the local olive groves before making our way to the local taberna to enjoy a fantastic Greek meal, including wonderful roasted lamb, Greek salad (no lettuce! hahahaha), the absolute BEST feta cheese in the world, yummy tzatziki, and too many bottles of wonderful red wine.
Red wine is made by vintners who are too lazy to remove the skins from the primary fermentation vat.
Fermentation vat left open at the winery, I fell in and almost drowned after drunkenly dancing around on the rim of the vat slugging down a delicious bottle of red wine.
Red wine warehouses aren't necessarily painted red.
Painted red is a term used when my grandson goes out on a pub crawl in town.
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In town meetings, everyone gets a chance to have his irrelevant opinion ignored.
Opinion ignored, I decided to just pull out my Smith & Wesson .44 mag and convince those idiots that I am always correct.
Always correct JDBush61's opinions when you are well out of pistol range and your M107A1 has a full magazine.
Full magazine loaded in my M107A1, five grenades clipped to my suspenders, and four sticks of TNT hidden up my sleeves, I walked into the discussion room to make sure that those idiots would accept my friend Pete's! opinion.
Pete's! opinion is that he's carrying too much to be useful in a serious brawl.
Seious brawl broke out ending in ten people needing hospital treatment.
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Hospital treatment is reserved for those with illness.
With illness spreading, and everyone becoming a contagious zombie, the city was placed under quarantine, and thoroughly nuked.
Thoroughly nuked, Nagasaki made my father shake his head in disbelief when he walked through the completely destroyed city 30-days after the bomb was dropped.
Was dropped off at the bus station, and from there he had to fend for himself while destitute.
While destitute, the homeless guy sat outside the convenience store panhandling for money.
For money shortages, we have a printing press, but have trouble getting the result universally accepted.
Accepted Everywhere,
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Accepted everywhere, but they charge usurious interest and the highest fees.
Highest fees possible have been paid out the those who were left without there tickets for the live concert.
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Live concert goers all suffered hearing loss, but since OSHA applies to employees, the band, and concert staff, were all required to wear ear protection.
Ear protection during my high-school years included any 440 Six-Pack Mopar, a set of 6x9 Mind Blower rear speakers, and an 8-track tape of Aerosmith ROCKS.
Aerosmith rocks was released in may of 1976 it was the fourth album they released.
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They released the most dangerous prisoners into enemy territory.
Enemy territory during my high-school years was the Principal's office.
Principal's office furniture isn't complete without a rack, an iron maiden, and a pillory.
A pillory was often effective and rarely fatal.
Rarely fatal, I still worry about shark attacks when I swim in the ocean.
The ocean inn's taking are 20% up on this time last year has got me thinking would our locals takings be down by 20% ::)
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Rarely fatal diseases, can be devastating to a population that hasn't had enough exposure to develop antibodies.
Develop antibodies to treat illness.
Treat illness as soon as you get it that way you will not be I'll as bad.
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As bad as things get, I've survived worse.
Survived worse, yet the level of insults that I received recently is intense.
Is intense she said but with her stamina I thought she said in tents.
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In tents, camping out at the protest site, they were fined by the local yokels for a construction code violation.
Code violation will now, finally, result in expulsion from the country.
The country music genre, thrives on tales of misery.
Of misery comes unexpected joy.
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Unexpected Joy, a new musical by lyricist-librettist Bill Russell and composer Janet Hood, will be of interest to those artsy snobs .
Artsy snobs love wearing pink shirts sipping mocha at MOCA, yet know nothing about the evil New World Order globalist agenda.
Globalist agenda won't work unless our entire species starts to agree about everything.
About everything I know nothing.
Know nothing about a subject and you can preach endlessly.
Preach endlessly with a very 'forked tongue", as it's the golden rule that all past Congressional members and Presidents have strongly adhered to.
Adhered to almost everything makes it the strongest glue known to man.
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To man, the discovery of beer marked the beginning of civilization.
Of civilization and national needs, people must critically think and logically consider.
Logically consider the difference between a want and a need, then fix your budget.
"Your budget-minded wife is keeping you from joining us at the saloon to get drunk?"
Get drunk tank regulars as day workers who'll work all day for a box of generic wine.
Generic wine, whether boxed or bottled, usually tastes like repulsive alcohol-laced grape juice.
Grape juice is just wine in embryonic form.
Form completed
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Form completed but due to the applicant's dyslexia everything was in the wrong place.
"Wrong place" now completely understood, we really do have a real President with his mind directed towards the right place!
Right place wrong time the actress said to the bishop.
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The bishop observed my lifestyle, and accused me of being under demonic influence.
Influence gained
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Influence gained on the battlefield, isn't always proportional to the ground gained.
Ground gained by moving there bound fence has once again been brought up in front of the law courts.
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Law courts give the best result to the party who's lawyer is the most convincing liar.
Convincing liar mark patterson was convicted to three years for his part in the murders his wife and four children.
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Four children were found, in the wilderness, being raised by a wolf pack.
Wolf-pack German subs were cleverly sailed, yet brave American heroes eventually won the second World War.
World war two was the talk one of the topics covered for the end of year exams.
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Year Exams should be performed before publishing a new calendar.
New calendar sports a new year, yet more importantly, a brand new era.
New era achievements inspired laughter among those old enough to remember the last time the same things were considered revolutionary.
Considered revolutionary by some, "Neon Genesis Evangelion" was an incredibly influential anime that inspired many that followed after it.
After it spreads nationwide, like a deadly bacteria that likes to smash ATMs and set fires, it will be time to wipe out the little maggots just like Kent State.
Kent state, Ohio, went down in history for the massacre known as the may 4th massacre
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4th massacre came after the third one.
Third one finished, he looked at the bartender and shouted "Enough of this nonsense, just give me the whole bottle."
Whole bottle of brandy for me, medisonal I said.
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I said "Hey!, that was great, now give me two more bottles!"
More bottles were consumed every day, but no matter how hard I tried, they could brew it faster than I could drink it.
Drink it slow, on ice, from a fine Waterford Irish crystal whisky glass while lounging on your Hinckley yacht, then smile, close your eyes, and be happy about the wonderful new direction the country is now heading.
Now heading north on the M6 J6 the standing traffic has now backed up to J11 alowe two hours to your drive home.
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Drive home and go to bed before you start drinking using unbreakable containers, and avoid embarrassing situations.
Embarrassing situations lead to either sincere apologies or defiant egomania.
Egomania Darkest
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Egomania, darkest of the human conditions after hatred and greed.
And agreed by all was a 10% increase in pay.
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In pay stubs, there is a listing of all deductions and withholding taxes.
Withholding taxes is a way some businesses manage to keep afloat.
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Keep afloat after your yacht sinks, and maybe the coast guard will find you in time.
" . . . in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be."
It be the season to be jolly is what we sang while we waited for the January sales.
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January sales are an opportunity to get things that nobody really wanted.
Really wanted to get drunk tonight, yet I've got too much work to do.
To do list defiantly said new curtains for the lounge.
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The lounge furniture has seen better days.
The lounge in most pubsis only open for members only unless you sign a friend in as a guest, however we invite every one to come join us for free.
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For free goodies on the internet, you should use an email address that you're willing to have spammed incessantly.
Spammed incessantly are very difficult words with which to start a new sentence.
New sentence structure rules were incorporated into the reporters guidelines, to make "fake news" plausible enough to confuse everyone.
Confuse everyone, then steal all their money and have a good laugh as you run away.
Run away everyone there's a bear coming and he is very big and grumpy.
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And grumpy as I am, it took me a day to consent to making a post with a grammatically incorrect sentence starting with the word "and".
Word and pictures make a book a good read.
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Good read books enhance a life a lot more than excellent unread books.
Free bibs should come with any meal at Seattle's Spaghetti Factory...
Spaghetti Factory quality control rejects were relabeled as a gourmet item, and sold at twice the normal price.
Normal price is £10 so for the next few hours it is half price.
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Half price sometimes equals low quality.
Low quality items were being sold at top quality prices.
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Quality prices are not necessarily directly proportional.
Directly proportional quantities both increase at the same rate.
Same rate structure applies both to customers and favored employees.
Favored employees are allowed to get drunk at night and arrive late to work.
To work in the brewery as a taste tester some say it would be a good job to have.
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To have a job related to your hobby, could spoil the hobby's enjoyment.
Hobby's enjoyment usually includes removing your mind from the turmoils of life on Earth.
On Earth, we appear to be limited by the laws of thermodynamics, without recourse to any magic.
Any magic marker can leave a mark on your epidermis.
Your epidermis is your main protection from the dangers of the outside world, but use your hazmat gear anyway.
Gear, anyway, if you have a Hurst pistol-grip 4 speed and a 440 six pack, will rock you down the highway.
The highway was built nearly fifty years ago and needs a complete overall,
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Complete overall annually, was how my grandfather maintained his horseless carriages.
Horseless carriages roar best with bucket seats, a big-block V8, three carbs, a shaker hood, twin exhaust, fat rear tires, and a six-pack of bottled beer.
Bottled beer is often seen as being more desirable than canned, but less so than the draft product.
Draft product was speedaly thrown together so know wonder it fell apart under the bosses shake down.
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Shake down your neighbors for protection money, if the other rackets are no longer profitable.
Longer profitable and cash flow are positive.
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Are positive test results genuine, or due to a biased researcher?
Biased researcher findings need 100% peer review approval before they can be accepted for publication.
For publication in the vanity press, all that is required is a timely payment.
Timely payment provides an aray of services .
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Of services needed, we could only afford the least expensive providers.
Expensive providers of UK board band services a patent still feel the need to throttle it's members.
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It's members, being extremely dissatisfied, fired everybody, and elected new directors.
New directors of Walsall town football FC have pledged to bring new players.
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New players on the company softball team were obvious ringers.
Obvious ringers are those that are not evan a close resemblance to the original
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The original text of most children's stories, is unsuitable for today's overprotected snowflakes.
Overprotected snowflakes used to just stay frozen, yet now they demand social security at age 25 and transgender babies.
Transgender babies are in the news this week as after a couple gave birth to twin girls.
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Twin girls were a recurring theme in certain chewing gum advertising.
Gum advertising when I was a kid is much different from gum advertising today.
Advertising today is something I've learned to deliberately ignore.
Deliberately ignore 99% of all media, as they simply wish to lie to you and warp your mind.
Your mind is wasted learning skills that will soon be obsolete instead of learning to think.
To think about it i wes called upon to give blood nearly fifty-eight years ago.
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Years ago, "thank you for your service" was seldom heard, because before the hippies made cowardice an acceptable lifestyle choice, "serving" was part of growing up, especially to a healthy male.
Healthy male Americans born before 1980, unlike today's idiotic alien-gender snowflakes, knew instinctively to never cry over bowls of spilled milk.
Spilled milk all over me I do wish the mile would have remained in glass bottles.
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Glass bottles have been used as weapons so often in barroom brawls, that some jurisdictions require bars to use plastic drinking vessels.
Drinking vessels, over time, have ranged from human hands and cracked ostrich eggs to Waterford crystal and waterboarding.
And waterboarding also called water torture they paddled out in to the raging sea.
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Raging sea phenomena made surfboarding very similar to waterboarding except more voluntary.
More voluntary warmers are needed to help deliver food parcels.
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Food parcels for the famine victims were sold on the black market.
Black market entrepreneurs back in the '70s were my friends who sold me 4-finger bags of weed.
Of weed she said not that the scent of weed as they stank.
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They stank up the place with a well placed overripe fish.
Overripe fish food goes on sale in hope to fill a gap in the pet food market.
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Food market prices have no relationship to food quality.
Food quality is excellent and the wine list is second to none.
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To none of the contest participants was victory a forgone conclusion.
Foregone Conclusion is a rock band fronted by the comedian Ricky Gervais as his character David Brent from UK comedy TV series The Office
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The Office was closed due to inclement weather, so I went to the library to get some work done with access to technical manuals.
Technical manuals I say are a must in aiding you to do repairs
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Do repairs yourself and save a big bundle.
Big bundle of cash.
Of cash and dimonds that were stolen from the house only the cash was found.
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Was found money ever considered taxable?
considered taxable is the gross income of an individual or corporation, less any allowable tax deductions.
Tax deductions were what we thought we was going to get ahead of tte mail holiday season.
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Holiday season sale prices may resemble a non-holiday mark up.
Mark up your rates when your services are high in demand.
In demand based pricing, consumer demand, and perceived value, are the critical factors.
Critical factors include age, weight, mental condition, and desire to become better.
Become better by enrolling in a night course, I enrolled in a beer making cource.
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Making cource corrections includes spelling it correctly as "course", to avoid confusing the navigator to pilot communications.
Pilot communications at 40,000 feet often include important sentences such as "Did you remember to fill the gas tank?"
Gas tank leaks are not only a fire hazard, they also cause misleading miles per gallon computations.
Gallon computations are needed to ensure that you have enough fuel to fly home.
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Fly home every week-end, unless the usual airport delays make walking faster.
Walking faster ... at least one time in Dorschester ... turned into 'sprinting the 440', when I suddenly realized that rocks were 'zinging' past my head.
My head wasn't spinning, the bourbon made the room spin.
Room spin was one thing that was happening dizzy was another.
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Was another blizzard being predicted before the last one stopped dropping snow?
Dropping snow is not recommended the vet said as you'll kill him.
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Kill him before he bites someone and starts another zombie apocalypse.
"Zombie apocalypse", "safe space", "trigger warning", and "political correctness" are all terms that you would expect to hear in a 1975 George Carlin comedy show.
Comedy show participants don't just tell jokes anymore, they now use humor as a weapon.
A weapon anmusty has been in place for only a week and already the police have a complete skip full
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Skip full nightclubs, and patronize one that actually needs your business.
Your business is important to them as they rely on your feed back.
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Feed back fillets from boned chicken, to any dogs that look hungry enough to bite your fillets.
Your fillets, if fresh, will taste better if left "uncooked" and thinly sliced ... with soy sauce, wasabi, and many bottles of cold beer.
Cold beer after work on a hot day is one of life's pleasures.
Life's pleasures filled to the maximum.
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The maximum benefit is received by delaying retirement, and living forever.
Living forever would only bring evan more wars around the world due to the fact of over population
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Over population of deer and bear in New Jersey, has triggered a conflict between the DEP, and people who learned about wildlife from Disney cartoons.
Disney cartoons are still enjoyable even at my advanced age!
Advanced age brings on problems that couldn't even be imagined a few years ago.
Years ago we desided that when the time comes that our money runs dry we have tool our solicitors that they can sell off one of our houses but not the pub.
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The pub with cheap pints of Guinness, a weekly "free t-bone steak dinner" night, and always open till 6 AM is the pub that I like.
I like just about every vice that's a health hazard.
Health hazard warning signs were all lite up, but still some drivers thought they knew better till they were the cause of the warning signs.
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Warning signs of mental illness can be ignored if you're just an eccentric nonconformist.
Eccentric nonconformist or evan a oddball Eccentric if so then you'll fit right in here.
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In here, it's normal to be weirdly abnormal.
Weirdly abnormal he said looking directly at his mother in-law .
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In law books, the use of language is intended to confuse normal people.
Normal people greatly dislike corrupt politicians.
Corrupt politicians keep getting reelected, belying the theory that they're universally despised.
Universally despised things tend to fill my universe.
My universe still has infinite possibilities.
Infinite possibilties own Facebook pages taking the place to another level
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Another level was broken today by that clumsy fumble fingered bricklayer.
Fingered bricklayer John was was given that nick name after he used his fingers instead of a trowel.
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A trowel was used to slather the cake with excessive icing.
Excessive icing made his car spin and hit an oak tree.
Oak tree logs can be split into serviceable firewood.
serviceable firewood can be obtained from fallen trees littering the landscape with a sharp axe.
Sharp axe heads are essential to be a productive lumberjack.
productive lumberjack are called for after the recent stormS witch brought down several trees.
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Several trees fell on my house during Hurricane Floyd, the upside was I got a badly needed new roof for the price of my insurance deductible.
Insurance deductible limit.
Limit reached
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Limit reached early so we just kept going.
Kept going right up till the very end and still no one knows it was a setup.
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A setup time was factored into the cost of manufacturing based on lot size.
Lot size 357 went under the hammer and flue well passed the asking price.
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Asking price fixers to comply with anti-trust regulations is utterly futile.
Utterly futile was his answer but then there's never any influence from the rest of the schools staff.
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Schools staff formed a union, and gained benefits for themselves, by throwing the future employees under the proverbial bus.
Proverbial bus soon got stuck in the averlanch of mud the slid down onto the mountain road
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Maintain road conditions or get ready for a massive pileup.
Massive pileup clean-up crews brought tow trucks, ambulances, and some improvised hearses.
Hearses built.
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Hearses built for funeral homes, often resembled fancy station wagons.
Station wagons are a hit over here but we call them an estate
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An estate isn't settled until all it's debts are paid off.
Paid off for the last time now retirement into my golden years.
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Golden years are when your body starts turning to mush.
To mush they went and only after adding a little sugar.
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Little sugar cubes saved the coffee house very little, people just used two.
Used two anchors, not one, because gale-force winds were on the horizon.
The horizon was obscured by fog, and the boat was bouncing all over the place, so we didn't know which way was really up.
Really up and above the amount of booze that I usually drink.
Usually drunk at the end of the night there would only be one option to us and that to get a taxi.
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A taxi will never stop around here, so make your escape on foot.
On foot we walked down to the pier, and then ate a boiled lobster and steamed clams.
Steamed clams are not to everyone taste however some people can not get enough of them.
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Of them I know little, of those I know even less, and of important things I know absolutely nothing.
Absolutely nothing tastes (or feels) as good as what your doctor told you abstain from.
Abstain from sharks, bears, lions, tigers, crocs, gators, and United Airlines shares if you wish not to be eaten alive.
Eaten alive all because the keeper left the gate open.
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Eaten alive is the fate of most predator food, but the ARAs think humans are the cruel species.
Cruel species are being kept locked up for 23 hours a day just seem barbaric in these so called moden times.
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moden (Modern) times rendered twenty years of education and experience obsolete.
Experience obsolete reminds me of buying new phones new today obsolete tomorrow.
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Obsolete tomorrow is just a long range business plan.
Business plan thrown aside, United decided to kick everyone off the jet!
The jet came to a stop just off the end of the runway.
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The runway was in use, so we landed on the interstate highway, and made some motorists soil their undergarments.
There undergarments were so threadbare the only thing that was in tacked was the wast band.
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Waist-band problems inform me that I'm starting to pack on some pounds.
Some pounds are solid muscle, most are flabby adipose.
Flabby adipose tissue supposedly can be reduced by lowering the amount of calories consumed and regular exercise
Regular exercise isn't going to last very long unless it involves something you enjoy, like lifting heavy steins full of your favorite brew, and putting them down empty.
Down empty streets live illegal migrants that need deportation.
Need deportation as soon as possible as our customs are getting full.
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Need deportation back home because I can't afford the airfare without assistance.
Without assistance he lifted the car for the man who was trapped,
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Was trapped muskrat fur providing enough income for subsistence while otherwise unemployed?
Otherwise, unemployed folks will seek the "good life" from my tax dollars.
Tax dollars are being used to subvert natural selection under the guise of benevolent altruism.
Benevolent Altruism are not the same thing as not that many years ago we would gave used either term to discribe it
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Discribe (Describe) it with all the lofty adjectives you can think of, compost is still just a pile of worm infested garbage.
Infested garbage dumps have been successfully transformed into parks and other green spaces in many metropolitan areas.
Metropolitan areas at night have a reputation of being more lethal than a battlefield under an artillery barrage.
Artillery barrage was in desperate need when intense we were bombarded last night.
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Last night was not something I want to discuss online.
Discuss online whether or not to go ahead and start a campaign against the proposed motorway.
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Proposed motorway is never spoken about aboard yachts at sea.
At sea, a diet of boiled fish gets old quickly.
Old quickly is where the body ages far to fast.
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To fast on certain holidays was considered a religious obligation.
Religious obligation done for another week now all that's left this Sunday morning ill just nip in my local for a swift ha :o
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Swift haul outs are needed when you have a damaged hull.
Damaged hull paint made good place for a barnacle infestation.
barnacle infestation has been descuvered in the old Mill,.
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Old Mill employees were fired before they were vested in the pension plan.
Pension plan is a must for everyone and put in as much as you can.
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You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him let you ride him.
Ride him in the last race of the day.
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The day I pay for that, will be the day cows fly.
Crows fly over head we just keep hoping that we are not pooed on.
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Pooed on by everyone is the politician's occupational hazard.
Occupational hazard feared, I decided to just stay home.
Stay home this weekend and watch from home the Spanish gran prix .
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Gran Prix racing is best experienced from behind the steering wheel.
Steering whee hand controls for breake and accelerator are fitted to our car witch allows me to be mobile
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Be mobile at all times so you can escape when the guys in the black helicopters come.
Helicopters come from our local airfield are emergency they are a bright red in colour.
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In colour (color) choices for fire fighting equipment, red is more traditional.
More traditional 18th century clothing is available from there online store.
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Online store offerings often seem like a bargain until you factor in the shipping cost.
Shipping cost aside shopping TV channels such as create and craft can by places to get barging,
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Get barging services from a company that owns it's own barges.
Own barges can be made to look like a very high end apartment
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End apartment rent increases, and watch how fast they become condos.
Become condos purchaser, flip them at a profit, then run away with the money.
The money saved you could put towards your next order.
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Next order of business is repealing all those laws passed by the ousted control freaks.
Control freaks the lot of them she said
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She said a lot, but no one listened.
One listened to the radio in the front parlor
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Front parlor decor made me wonder if I was in a horror movie, so I didn't even consider going into the dark basement.
Dark basement but it has protensal the estate agent said.
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Agent said some foolish things and was fired immediately.
Fired immediately for being drunk.
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Being drunk so often, that I though he was stupid, until I saw him while sober.
While sober I would never get up to sing karaoke.
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Sing karaoke if you want to appear extremely foolish.
Extremely foolish and very dangerous to play chicken on the railway lines
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Railway lines to the town were torn up, so nobody comes here now.
Here now we having a mini heatwave 20c at 6am
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At 6am, I expect coffee.
Expect coffee at least as your probably going to spend thousands with them.
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With them, there is no consideration of ethical standards.
Ethical standards must be kept up at all times.
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All times on the schedule are just uninformed guesses.
Uninformed guesses are the one way of betting on the grand national.
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Grand National could be described as a bunch of English people trying not to fall off jumping horses.
Jumping horses we were lead to believe was good for horses but perhaps it is putting a strain on there joints and so not good for them in the end.
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The end of the world as we know it, was overdue yesterday.
Overdue yesterday but cannot get out to the bank do not worry the bank of mom and dad is all ways open.
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Ways open to your destination aren't all necessarily paved.
Necessarily paved areas have had to be corded off due to the body being found this morning
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This morning, coffee was not optional.
Not optional as with other brands as once opened you void your warranty.
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Your warranty will expire one day before the product self destructs.
Self destruct in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 missiles away captain,
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"Away captain" led the travel team, while "Home Captain" let the games at home.
At home at long last never thought we were going to get out the our local hospital,
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Local hospital employees were on strike, so all the earthquake victims died promptly.
Died promptly just before we got there witch we both thought was better than the farmer killing it before we got there as we may have just brought the duck home and kept it as a pet.
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A pet rattlesnake will keep your home rat free.
Rat-free environments still make me feel clean and healthy, yet I don't know why.
Know why you do things, so you can explain them at your indictment.
Your indictment is a term the north America uses to discribe a charge or accusation of a serious crime.
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Serious crime statistics weren't published until after the sheriff's election.
Sheriffs election was a dessert from start to Finnish
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To Finnish people the caribou may be called a reindeer.
A reindeer was the star attraction last night at the lornnce of create and craft tv Christmas in June festivertys
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June festivertys (festivities?) are seldom celebrated by anyone these days.
These days we all listen to an abundance of difference types of media
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Of media matters today, my head just keeps spinning.
Keep spinning all you got to do is scream louder the man said on the rollercoster
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The rollerco(a)ster was shut down after it's ninth fatal incident.
Fatal incident is defined as an accident that leads to a fatality.
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A fatality can change a routine accident report into a manslaughter sentence.
manslaughter sentence is considered a lesser crime than murder.
Than murder oh I thought you said Van murder.
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Van murder executions are a controversial cost saving measure implemented by the Chinese legal system.
Legal system is in termoil this morning after the chef of security admitted to taking a number of bribes
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Of bribes taken by the thousands, only the most obvious resulted in a criminal prosecution.
Criminal prosecution was brought against the chairman and all the members of the board.
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The Board of directors appointed relatives as corporate executives with high salaries but very little power.
Little power but still on line as we have a backup generator
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Backup generator ran on gasoline (petrol), but there was no power to run the pumps at the refueling station.
Refuelling station was mayhem this morning.
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This morning I got another one of those SPAM emails selling a pharmaceutical from someone who couldn't spell the name of his alleged product.
Alleged product was to blame for causing the outbreak of food poisoning.
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Food poisoning was to be expected after staffing the mess hall with POWs.
With POW'S came the logistics of having to cater for them all.
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Them all, block ALL those accursed telemarketers.
accursed telemarketers keep on calling me at dinner time.
Dinner time at the zoo is always a good time to take photos,
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Take photos of every detail of your vacation so you can bore everyone to death.
To death would mean the end of them once and for all.
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For all effort put into the project, the results were spectacularly mundane.
Spectacularly mundane day in my fantastically boring life.
Boring life routines can be interrupted by moments of pure terror.
Pure terror was the look on her face as the box was cut open letting the what looked as if it needed putting to sleep the injuries were that bad
GR@PH;<'S.
That bad feeling you get, when you don't have enough beer, is called sobriety.
Called sobriety I can not remember the last time I was sober
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Was sober reflection any more likely to result in a workable solution, than just making the most obvious choice?
Obvious choice as he was the choice favourite
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Choice favourite (favorite) cuts of beef may be less fatty, but they don't taste as good as less favored prime cuts.
Prime cuts barber shop is very reasonable in price.
In price we just had to buy all that we could carry.
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Could carry on baggage be placed in the overhead compartment?
Overhead compartment, like the inside of a sombrero, is a good place to stash the weed when approached by a Texas Ranger.
Texas Ranger policies don't have your pathetic weed anywhere near the top of the priorities list.
Priorities list will be given to all sub- contractors on the 5th day of the month.
The month of July is nearly at an end that does not leave long to wait till he comes but only to those who are on his google list.
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Google list items are deleted on a regular basis.
Regular basis just like clockwork that was until last night when time stopped someone hac stollen the windup key.
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Windup key for your Hummer is a better way to prevent smog, than by charging a Tesla battery with electricity generated by a coal fired steam turbine.
Steam turbine failures are most likely down to rotors
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To rotors in a jet engine, it must appear that the rest of the world is spinning backwards.
Spinning backwards she fell right in to her now husbands lap.
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Husbands lap top computer batteries exploded, severely limiting the honeymoon activities.
Honeymoon activities in Hollywood include divorce settlements.
Divorce settlements on the up as the latest couple to hit the new topped out at a working £30 million.
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Divorce settlements generally only make the lawyers happy.
Lawyers happy with there holy charges I should hope so an arm and a let just to have a letter,.
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A letter to Santa went unanswered because you were super bad.
Super bad , that reminds my of a program that we watched that seems to have made it big time and it's name was braking bad.
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"Braking bad" isn't a TV program, it's a sign that your brakes need immediate attention.
Immediate attention is required to get it through the MOT.
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"The MOT" appears to mean "Vehicle Inspection", in a secret code invented so only the British would understand without Googling it.
Googling it produced no results, so I shouted the question out my window and two strangers replied "Shut up!"
Shut up, or you'll be charged with a violation of the noise ordinance.
Noise ordinance are normally from 10 p.m. to 7 a.m. on weekdays and until 8 or 9 a.m. on weekends.
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On weekends the hourly workers earned overtime pay rates.
Pay, rates high with services rendered, or at least, it used to.
Used to spicier food, he couldn't even taste Dutch Hutspot.
Hutspot prepared
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Hutspot prepared without a recipe is the genuine article.
Genuine article and to prove it there is every recite from fuses to gearbox as well as a complete service history
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Service history for a soldier can be approximated, by looking at the stuff on his dress uniform.
Dress uniform was always in force at all times without exception.
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Without exception, all crimes called for mandatory capital punishment.
Capital punishment was the only way that seemed to work but was deemed to not harsh enough.
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Harsh enough environments produce tougher survivors, through natural selection.
Natural selection means opening your eyes, picking up the tomato, and checking for freshness prior to purchase.
To purchase online you must register with us first.
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Us first time users might need extensive instruction.
Extensive instruction was provided by the founding father.
Founding father was shocked at how his original concept had mutated.
Had mutated itself while it was in the conservatory the only thing we could think of was that it us very warm in there.
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In there, it can get very uncomfortable.
Very uncomfortable feelings emerge every time I enter the forum. ;)
The forum is always open to everyone.
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To everyone who ignores an apparently frivolous lawsuit, we have something called a default judgement.
Default judgement was called for at the end of the day.
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The day of reckoning is way overdue.
Way overdue was there payment mentioned that they were about to loose the gas supply to there house.
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There, house maintenance costs have been adjusted to comply with your meager budget.
Meagrer budget was all we had to live on.
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Live on vegetables you grew, the fish you caught, the game you hunted, and pay your taxes with the stems, and inedible offal.
Inedible offal, was the cause of the out brake of food poisoning.
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Food poisoning is nature's way of telling you that you're not a wonderful cook.
Wonderful cook she made everyone sure that everyone enjoyed there food
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There, food stamps for everybody willing to cry piteously enough.
Piteously enough it's very often not used for it's intended purpose.
Intended purpose of a small caliber rifle is to to be a long range paper punch.
Paper punch is used to hang all our cards up at Christmas,
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At Christmas, don't answer the phone or open the door, every charity on the planet is trying to separate you from your meager savings.
Meager savings definitely now with the third and youngest child ready to finish the last semester at her university.
Her university eliminated safe spaces from the budget, rescinded the directive mandating trigger warnings, and made ROTC a required course.
Required course will test over all speed
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All speed related accidents, resulted in insurance premium increases.
Premium increases every year with ourt fail.
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"Ourt fail" is the inevitable result of slow proofreading when the time limit on edits is neither "senior friendly" nor "beer friendly".
Beer friendly now I like the sound of that.
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Of that kind of personal behavior, there is no permanent cure.
Permanent cure is now I to it's sixth year.
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Sixth year of high school should be a sign that you need to learn to study before you're going to learn anything else.
Anything else you wish to drink?
To drink a rye blend is a poor substitute for sipping bourbon.
Sipping bourbon in the far east while watching the fall of the Roman Empire is super fun.
Super fun video games, keep us sitting on our butts getting obese.
Getting obese so we thinking of hiring a dog walker
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Dog walker gear must include a means of waste disposal.
Waste disposal bosses have gone into talks with the union to end the 51 day old walkout witch gas leas to mountain of waste in the streets
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The streets were not repaired, at the request of the local residents, who noticed that potholes discourage speeding.
Discurage speeding with speed bumps.
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Speed bumps cause surprise accidents.
Surprise accidents that occur while strolling pedestrian promenades in Barcelona seriously need to be avoided.
Be avoided by telemarketers, is a condition worthy of awed envy.
Awed, envy most devilish pleasures, dislike most cookies, and hate most humans.
Most humans appear to want someone else to take the risks, while they enjoy the resultant benefits.
Resultant benifit are paid to those needing help however some some only uset it to fill there drugs habit
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--------------
Drugs habit started with a legal prescription.
Legal prescription opiate drugs always remind me how fun life on Earth can be.
Can be anyone of us that will start the next topic,p.
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Topic, p came right after the topic designated as topic "o", in the thesis' index.
Thesis index is listed for all to see on the internet,
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[/quote]
The Internet is a great place to watch from afar Michelle Obama walk out of the Harvard dorm building, as well as to watch the fall of Europe (including Scandinavia), the UK, Canada, Australia, and soon, the Roman Empire.
Roman Empire landmarks have become tourist destinations.
Tourist destinations, if done correctly, make the perfect circle of beach, restaurant, bar, beach, restaurant, bar, beach, restaurant, bar.
Restaurant, bar.
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Restaurant, bar hopping will make you an overstuffed drunk.
Overstuffed drunk I was always 1st in the queue
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The queue of spam in my inbox was endless, so i just deleted the entire folder.
Entire folder was full of photos of his cat I am sure that there was other folders with more photos of his cat but we only had a few seconds to look at them.
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At them young & stupid liberal snowflakes, I merely state "Shut up, grow up, go home, get an education, and then salute the American flag."
American flag protocols and traditions were strictly followed at the historic military installation.
Military instillation requirements include defense, and when needed, brutal offense.
Offense taken
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Offense taken led to a feud that lasted for seven generations.
Seven generations back, their relatives were herding camels.
Herding camels can be avoided by using a fleet of ordinary pickup trucks.
Pickup trucks have a cab, four wheels, and a bed.
A bed of garden vegetables, didn't last very long after the deer discovered it.
Discovered it yesterday, thought more about it today, and will forget about it tomorrow.
IT tomorrow will be brought up to date with the latest technology,.
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Latest technology has produced three generations of phone zombies.
Phone zombies were out in force yesterday at the birthday bash of here founder a Mr press any key.
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Any key, (or just kick the door) will open the locks in my old college dorm.
Collage dorm was completely wrecked and needed rebuilding
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Needed rebuilding funds were not available, so the building was completely razed.
Completely razed from out of the Ashes without a scratch on him.
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On him, even custom tailored suits present a "homeless" appearance.
Homeless appearance was put down to the shabby Ness of the man's clothes.
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Man's clothes aren't as subject to harsh judgement.
Harsh judgement is what's needed for people who are here illegally, because they are illegally here.
Illegally here, indicates that the perpetrator is violating trespassing laws.
Trespassing laws need to be strictly enforced.
Strictly enforced moral codes will imprison just about everybody.
About everybody on the left, George Carlin is writing a new book in Heaven titled "Insane America".
Insane America only let trump become there president. .
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There, president and motorcade are passing now.
Passing now to our left is where the film masters of the universe was filmed.
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Was filmed footage of the incident used in court by the prosecuting attorney?
Prosecuting attorney delivered his closing speach went on so long that the judge fell a aleep
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(fell a aleep ? from the context assuming - "Fell asleep")
Fell asleep while trying to play online word games while hopelessly inebriated.
Hopelessly inebriated sounds something like me on a weekday as well as the weekend.
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The weekend was spent indulging in censored activities.
Activities taken
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Activities taken for profit, soon cease to be fun hobbies.
Fun hobbies are the ones that you never get tired of doing
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Of doing nice things, I know little, yet of being a devil, I am a pro.
A pro he was but he did not let it show he always made it look hard more so when playing the kids
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The kids followed the nanny goat around wherever she wandered.
She wandered alone with her little horse between the woods and frozen lake, on the darkest evening of the year, and she gave his harness bells a shake, to ask if there is some mistake, and the only other sound's a sweep, of easy wind and downy flake, and although the woods were lovely, dark and deep, she knew that she had promises to keep.
To keep the chocolate from going white keep it out of the fridge
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The fridge is a good place to keep stuff you don't want the dog getting into.
Getting into deat just to keep up with the Jones was not such a good idea
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Good idea, let's arrange to implement immediately.
Implement immediately and no one will be hurt
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Be hurt by the small stuff, and a real problem will be totally devastating.
Totally deverstating when we heard about it on the news
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The news and the editorials, are becoming increasingly indistinguishable.
Increasingly indistinguishable are the new range of off road quad bikes
GR@PH;<'S (https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sherv.net%2Fcm%2Femoticons%2Fparty%2Fchugger-smiley-emoticon.gif&hash=6acf5e66a92ad087014e7e13b8113572648d497c) (http://www.sherv.net/)
Quad bikes when misused, destroy the environment for which they were explicitly designed.
Explicitly designed elegant and seaworthy hulls make yacht enthusiasts excited beyond explanation.
Explanation.ordered
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Beyond explanation are the things people will endure to appear opulent.
Appear opulent did Henry he was, one of the most opulent brewers in the kingdom.
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The kingdom now uses their powerless former rulers as a form of entertainment.
Of entertainment shows still watched, mine include reruns of Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In.
Laugh in private, because public ridicule may earn you a dangerous enemy.
Dangerous enemy were afoot but he still kept his nerve and played on scoring the willing point against his old club
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Old club house buddies seemed like such a bunch of old fogies at the fiftieth reunion.
Fiftieth reunion attendees became upset and tossed out the party crashers.
Fiftieth reunion went off OK till the cake can out and witch promoted everyone to start clapping
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Out come the ants every time I open the peanut butter.
@JDBush61
Sorry I edited it at the same time I'll go edit back
Fiftieth reunion went off OK till the cake can out and witch promoted everyone to start clapping
GR@PH;<'S (https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sherv.net%2Fcm%2Femoticons%2Fparty%2Fchugger-smiley-emoticon.gif&hash=6acf5e66a92ad087014e7e13b8113572648d497c) (http://www.sherv.net/)
Start clapping whenever you see GR@PH;<'S enter the room.
;)
The room was full of peanut butter snoopy loves it he can not get enough of it in his paws
@JDBush61 there caught up
GR@PH;<'S (https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sherv.net%2Fcm%2Femoticons%2Fparty%2Fchugger-smiley-emoticon.gif&hash=6acf5e66a92ad087014e7e13b8113572648d497c) (http://www.sherv.net/)
His paws were nice and muddy, so he decided to jump on the most expensive furniture.
Expensive furniture it was way to over priced I have never seen a foot stool for seven thousand pounds before I did not want to ask how much the three piece suite would be.
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Would be censors, tried to eliminate certain words from the approved vocabulary.
Approved vocabulary has been reached between everyone who worked with the android
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The android became dysfunctional after encountering a logic paradox.
Logic paradox is always prodicting it's self
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It's self described open minded people who have the most unchangeable biases.
Unchangeable biases fabrics can only be used so be mined full when you go shopping.
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Go shopping is not a productive distraction to forget your financial problems.
Financial problems have lead many a business in to liquidation
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To liquidation at maximum value, was the plan, preparing to distribute the deceased's assets to the various heirs.
Various heirs from around the world due to the information provided find that they are related
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Are related issues merely being used as amusing distractions?
Amusing distractions, such as idiot pro ball players insulting America and old glory by taking a knee, become a complete annoyance when observed a second time.
Second time getting fooled by the same scam, could involve inexcusable inattention.
Inexcusable inattention requires a megaphone wake-up call and a slap to the head.
The head of the marketing department, never bought the advertised product.
Advertized product was at the fore front of there litigation against the company
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The company worth listening to, as we all know, is the classic '70s hard rock band "Bad Company".
Bad company executive decisions, ensured that the stock fell during a bull market.
Bull market was a liverly one this week as ton greenwoods prize winning heard were up for auction
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For auction of foreclosed homes, to participate you must be totally heartless.
Totally haartless thugs have caused thousands of pounds worth of damage overnight to the children's playground.
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Children's playground locations, should be chosen to avoid hungry bears.
Hungry bears have been on the rampage this morning and have knocked over all the dustbins.
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The dustbins were used as garbage cans by the naive yokels.
Naive yokels are better known as gullible inhabitants
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Gullible inhabitants can only be tricked so many times before they wise up.
Wise up and get ahead this weekend as there will be upto 75% off all here at autoload.
GR@PH <'S (https://www.landzdown.com/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sherv.net%2Fcm%2Femoticons%2Fparty%2Fchugger-smiley-emoticon.gif&hash=6acf5e66a92ad087014e7e13b8113572648d497c) (http://www.sherv.net/)
At autoload websites, always disable scripting, and don't click on anything except the "X" on the upper right of your current browser.
Current browser for users will need to do there free security updates
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Security updates shouldn't cause more problems than they cure.
They cure disease, yet cause side effects.
Side effects of that in the pain killers is the laxative effect it gives.
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It gives me no pleasure to advise you of the impending layoff.
Impending layoff is down to the age of the groth of online shopping
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Online shopping for alien spacecraft and Mars condominiums brought up zero results.
"Zero results" are the obvious consequence of repeating techniques that never worked.
Never worked properly since the day he brought it .
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Brought it home for dinner, but nobody would eat roadkill it until it was cooked beyond recognition.
beyond recognition was one way of putting it a total face reconstruction
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Face reconstruction costs are not covered by your bargain basement insurance.
Basement insurance. Is a must in case the worst happends.
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Worst happends (happens ?) when you're least prepared.
Least prepared for the worst that can go there way
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There (their?) way will accomplish the same thing more efficiently.
More efficiently use of raw materials with the aid of molecular conveyor belts
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Conveyor belts brought the finished product to the packaging machine.
Packaging machines like the human body know to only digest what's needed and then excrete the rest.
The rest of his fortune was spent on frivolous pursuits.
Frivolous pursuits.is a book by Darren trott who has a job, a feisty girlfriend (with plans) and a house with potential. Oh yes, he's living the dream. It just isn't the dream he applied for.
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Applied for benefits he wasn't entitled to, and was jailed promptly.
jailed promptly after the janet hendrickson attack
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"Hendrickson attack", said the sergeant to Private Hendrickson who was busy trying to crawl into his steel helmet.
Steel helmit must be worn at all event
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All event activities were cancelled due to the impending alien invasion.
Alien invasion was ramped up by The Dems, so get ready to pay for abortions.
For abortions to be discussed rationally, you need to get the humans out of the debating group.
Debating group was the best part of school as we got to have our say
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Our say is no longer respected, because evil globalist lobbyists pay lots and lots of money to corrupt elected swamp dwellers.
Swamp dwellers, include frogs, snakes, alligators, muskrats, and career politicians.
"Career politicians" is surely the titan of oxymorons.
Of oxymorons , politicians are the biggest morons, but since smart people won't take the job, they end up in office forever.
Office forever mired in stinky and corrupt politician muck.
Politician muck.is all around us as if we all went around putting flyers up on lamposts we would get prosecuted but we're left with vote for me rubish
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Me rubish (rubbish?), the favorite topic of the self centered narcissist.
Centered narcissist ray hillingdon was on the speaker list until so none rememerd about his last speach
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Last speach (speech?) of the day was given by someone who's diction was approximately equal to GR@PH;<'S perfect spelling.
"Perfect spelling," stated Hilary as she read the criminal charges.
Criminal charges have been dropped after the tv news intervined
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News intervined (interviewed? intervened ?) in such a manner that the reporters became the story, and the events that inspired it were just background noise.
Background noise is almost gone with the new noise cancelling headphones.
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Cancelling "headphones" on my last purchase of sound equipment saved me twenty percent.
Twenty percent.had sold out and had gone before the line of shoppers gad even gone though the doors al thanks to being able to order online.
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Order online and hope for an honest vendor.
Honest vendor these days are few and far between.
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Far between the pampered municipalities, we have some unincorporated territories where brigands, ogres, and dragons dwell.
Dragons dwell are private breeders of bearded dragons specialising in high end colour morphs.
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Colour morphs is just a weird way to describe a typical chameleon.
Typical chameleon blending into the surroundings
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The surroundings at the bar/restaurant were designed to be conducive to opulent overindulgence.
opulent overindulgence. Has been once again been had by those very rich leaving those who are on the streets going hungry
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Going hungry is one way to lose that unsightly adipose tissue.
adipose tissue is layer of in your body
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Your body should be fully clothed in public regardless of your gender, if you're overweight and over fifty.
Over fifty raccoons were waiting in the shadows when I brought out the nightly trash.
Nightly trash talk was exchanged between the local coyote and a feral dog.
Feral dog was to blame to last week's dustbins being emptied all over everyone yard
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Everyone yard is a deer's smorgasbord.
deer's smorgasbord has opened up next to the gun shop.
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Gun shop licenses were available only to political donors.
Political donors very often expect special favors.
Special favors are often appreciated.
Often appreciated, but seldom thanked, are the unseen support staff.
Support staff at this forum help users work through any hardware or software difficulty.
Software difficulty is usually actually a wetware problem.
Wetware problem, such as soiled diapers, soggy swim-trunks, and drip-dry dish-ware are life annoyances that always must be addressed.
Be addressed by your rank, or risk losing the authority that goes with it.
With it turning colder, it's finally starting to feel a little like the holiday season.
Holiday season decorations depend on which holiday is being celebrated.
Being celebrated for the first time on December 25th AD336, Emperor Constantine laid the foundation for Pope Julius I to officially declare a few years later that Christmas would henceforth be celebrated on that date.
That date was a huge disaster, but a second date happened anyway.
Happened, anyway you look at it, that I woke up the next morning on the side of the highway in the pouring rain, without two nickels to my name.
My name was used as a pejorative after the incident.
The incident that I am addressing is the one where I was censored for speaking my mind.
My mind reading spouse, is punishing me for things I didn't actually say.
Actually, say, when you are mid-way crossing the Atlantic, you are closer to low-orbit satellites than you are to land.
To land on something solid would be the best policy when you're out of aircraft fuel.
Aircraft fuel is multiple glasses of champagne if you're sitting first class.
First Class on a direct flight was less costly than coach on a series of connecting flights.
'Connecting flights' is also known as 'missile defense'.
Missile defense systems always seem to offend the potential aggressor.
Potential aggressor was found to be a local woman who has been arrested
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Been arrested falsely for vindictive allegations, you're doomed.
You're doomed if you're not allowed to read taxpayer funded memos.
Funded memos look like they will soon be one of the must have applications.
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Have applications for the new position been screened thoroughly?
Screened thoroughly, I then placed the Greek yogurt into the dish, added minced cucumber, garlic, and dill, and enjoyed yummy tzatziki! :)
Yummy tzatziki is at it's best if you use yogurt made from sheep or goat milk.
Goat milk is on sale at our local farm shop.
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Farm shop offerings included goods from other producers.
Other producers just need to make the changes or they'll be left behind.
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Left behind quarters of the steer produced enough steaks to feed the teeming multitudes.
Teeming multitudes of empty-headed lemmings can always be enticed to jump to their death over the edge of a cliff.
A cliff hanger is used to ensure the audience returns.
Audience returns heavy applause for excellent encore musical performances.
Musical performances can't be enjoyed by the hearing impaired.
Hearing impaired, legally blind, and mentally ill people love living in California.
In California, if you spent time in "The Valley" you may get the impression that the work ethic is a bit laid back.
Laid back hippies smoking weed in communes.
In communes the only workers stay sober.
Stay sober, and miss out on the joy and thrills of being a complete alcoholic.
Complete alcoholic beverage collections should include Airag.
Include Airag, Vodka, Scotch, Tequila, Gin, Vermouth, and Ouzo on your weekly shopping list.
Shopping list preparation doesn't save anything, if you just go ahead and indulge in impulse buying.
Impulse buying is emotion driven.
Emotion driven decisions should not be confused with intuition.
With intuition and years of experience, noses can easily smell fake news.
Fake news was once pretty much limited to "spoof" comedy.
'Spoof comedy' can be seen daily on mainstream media channels.
Media channels are becoming increasingly boring.
Increasingly boring was the dinner speaches if had a gun I think I would have shot my self.
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My self wasn't helped by the results of that last confrontation.
Last confrontation can be assured if you enter the meeting heavily armed and determined to squeeze off a few rounds.
Few rounds of suppressive fire directed at the enemy's perimeter every so often, made them huddle in the very bottom of their foxholes, and try to crawl into their helmets.
Their helmets were camouflaged with twigs, leaves, and a street map of downtown Hanoi.
Downtown Hanoi has changed since those days.
Those days, although happy and great, are now being erased from history books.
History books are nothing else but things of the past
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The past tense shouldn't be used when referring to the distant future.
Distant future in the running of the firm
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The firm fruit needed more time to become fully ripe.
Fully ripe Maine apples can be wrapped in caramel and eaten on a stick.
A stick is a scepter in plain clothes.
Plain clothes, thankfully, are often less expensive.
Less expensive shoes can be brought but just remember that you get what you pay for.
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Pay for everything with cash and your credit rating won't be available for opportunistic hacking.
Opportunistic hacking has been the reply from number 10 downing street but the hackers only hacked the Prime Minister laptop so every thing safe and secure as she does not give her self Wi-Fi accesses
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Wi-Fi accesses for all my neighbors are encrypted, and the legal hotspots are all out of usable range.
Usable range drum patterns completely depend on the talent and expertise of the drummer.
The drummer was just there to make enough noise to hide how much the rest of the group were lacking talent.
Lacking talent, I asked for help from Corrine and the great team at LandzDown.
At LandzDown, you better fix your typos promptly.
Typos promptly being fixed by professional editors.
Professional editors, have been changing the content to make political statements.
Political statements under attack.
Under attack, the platoon troublemaker performed so well that he personally captured an entire aggressor battalion.
Aggressor battalion rounded up, Scarface snorted 3 HUGE lines of cocaine, grabbed his Thompson submachine gun, and shouted "Say hello to my little friend!"
Little Friend, (The) by Scottish writer Bruce Marshall is a 1929 tragicomic novel.
Tragicomic novel writers now outlining the deep corruption of the 44th president, and his globalist gang.
Globalist gang members will sacrifice independence in exchange for their desired goals.
Desired goals of aging nomads include boat life, circumnavigation, staying afloat, turning off the news, forgetting what year it is, and forever being drunk on the sandy beaches of South-Pacific tropical atolls.
Tropical atolls will soon make you hunger for something besides spoiled fish and unripe coconut.
Unripe coconuts and liver damage made the atoll drunks move to Alaska and become nomad wanderers hunting elk.
Hunting elk is good for the environment because every pound of wild game, that enters the food supply, represents a pound of beef that won't be emitting greenhouse gasses at the feed lot.
Feed lot grains are genetically modified.
Genetically modified dogs are outwitting their humans.
Their humans aren't as nice as our humans, and our humans are very far away from the cool hippies they used to be.
To be respected is different than being feared.
Be feared, or be a soy-fed democrat.
Fed democrat talking points to a Conservative, until he upchucked violently.
Upchucked, violently shook, and shot my TV when she said the word "deplorable".
Word "deplorable" was once a pejorative, now some people are using it as a badge of adopted honor.
Adopted honor was historically linked to intelligence, yet now it's linked to a low-IQ selfie and a big mouth.
Big mouth at the end of the river made a useful harbor.
Useful harbor activities include setting the anchor, furling the sails, and tightly lashing down all items on deck, followed by days or weeks of heavy drinking.
Heavy drinking cannot be avoided by just switching to light beer.
Light beer, in fact, all good things, will very soon disappear alongside with the US Constitution.
US Constitution was copied by hand during a time when superfluous commas were in style, so anyone who doesn't like what it says can find another copy with punctuation that suits his/her preconceptions.
Her perceptions of his cross-dressing made them wonder if they had gone crazy and forgotten their high-school biology lessons.
Biology lessons in the '50s were realistic, but not for the squeamish, today they would get the teacher's credentials revoked.
Credentials revoked, the '50s biology professor frowned, shook his head, slammed the textbook on his desk, and shouted "That's it!, I'm done with these idiot millennials!"
Idiot millennials are no match for idiot boomers.
(OT: You're making it difficult to participate in this topic without violating the "no politics" policy).
Idiot bloomers sometimes propagated intelligent offspring.
(OT: Sorry to make it difficult. Us old guys sometimes speak our mind. It's the way it was back in the day. If I recall correctly, "the signers" viewed it that way. Those damn royals! Anyway, rock on!)
Intelligent offspring are sometimes the ones that survive the natural selection process long enough to have their own offspring.
Own offspring until of adult age, and teach them the US Constitution with daily home schooling.
Home schooling might leave one without any real life experience in dealing with the world's bullies.
World's bullies and world's admirers are all part of the human soup.
Human soup was an original Soylent Green ingredient, but it's currently being marketed as vegan friendly.
Vegan friendly folks might not understand the glorious flavor a charbroiled New York bone-in sirloin steak.
Sirloin steak, getting it's name because King James I liked it so much he "Knighted" it, is generally considered to be merely an often repeated myth.
Repeated myth believers need to wake up and get an education.
An education is only as good as your ability to use it in a productive manner.
Productive manners are often akin to seductive manners.
Seductive manners usually raise suspicions.
Raise suspicions should hear low-IQ children talking nonsense on TV.
On TV, most of the programming will serve nicely as a sleep aid.
Sleep aid ingested, I started feeling seriously drunk.
Seriously drunk on Bourbon, it was good he was already home.
Already home, I decided to not go to the liquor store, and instead, I turned on the TV to watch, and laugh, at idiot children crying about not being accepted into ivy-league universities due to their crappy GPA.
Crappy GPA is no problem if Daddy buys them a new multi-million dollar building.
Dollar building speed, yuan collapsing, yen floating, and euro enticing unending waves of migratory criminals.
Migratory criminals are coming to eat your tasty children.
Tasty children and satanic events are supposedly on the menu of a DC pizza shop.
Pizza shop delivery personnel, do disgusting things to a bad tipper's order.
Tipper's order digested, the listeners thought about the instructions and decided that it was time to wake up and become wise.
Become wise to their tricks and avoid overly motivated reformers.
Motivated reformers lie.
Reformers lie down when they're too tired for charismatic speeches.
Charismatic speeches have now replaced intelligent debate.
Intelligent debate only exists as a guideline for competitive debate team events.
Team events, like bombing raids, can result in medals and stars.
And stars were added to the cartoon to indicate a head injury.
Head injury patients can suffer from vertigo and constant tinnitus.
Constant tinnitus is an occupational hazard for aircraft crews, and career artillerymen.
Career artillerymen can now have fun lobbing shells over the border.
The border guards accept Paypal and Bitcoin bribes.
Bitcoin bribes are sometimes used to silence truth leakers.
Truth leakers may never get a security clearance again.
Clearance again misjudged, and our mast was broken while sailing under the bridge.
The bridge opens every morning to let the fishing boats go out to the open sea, and again in the late afternoon to let them return with their catch.
Their catch was quickly filleted, marinated overnight, then eaten the following day after a slow BBQ grill on a tropical atoll.
Tropical atoll fish soon had all the dinner guests hospitalized with ciguatera poisoning.
Ciguatera poisoning is a most unwelcome vacation experience.
Vacation ... experience Heaven in the tropics ... then sit down, crack a bottle of booze, and write your boss a letter telling him/her that you quit your job and that you're never going back to Hell!
To Hell with vacations, work gives you an opportunity to do something constructive.
'Something constructive' has absolutely zero meaning, and only reflects the need of the human ego when viewed from the aspect of time -- from the stone age through to the currently elected government slime who only focus on pocketing cash.
Pocketing cash sales, allowed him to avoid certain taxes, until the inevitable incitement.
Inevitable incitement awaits corrupt swamp rats.
Swamp rats are considered an invasive species in Louisiana, and are hunted mercilessly.
Hunted mercilessly, the sperm whale was saved by the discovery of kerosene.
Of kerosene lantern fires, they were very rare, until the blizzard knocked the power out.
Power out, fire lit, door locked, cork popped, and glasses ready for nice wine.
Nice wine vintages don't all necessarily come from Nice.
From Nice to Normandy, 'fried Frenchies' have forgotten who freed them from Nazi occupation.
Nazi occupation forces demonstrated the futility of gun control when the northern European resistance groups started manufacturing fully automatic Stens in bicycle shops.
Bicycle shops employ greasy cig-smoking wrench wielders.
Wrench wielders tighten more bolts than club wielding golfers.
Wielding golfers' clubs, the anarchists got dropped with repeated rounds of hot lead.
Hot lead was used to defend the castle by pouring it on hapless besiegers.
Hapless besiegers steal the gold, and the milled wheat.
Milled wheat will be available trom the10th of may
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Of May day celebrations, ours is notable by reason of it's complete absence.
Complete absence Well nearly just the odd sip up
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Sip up all you can, but they can brew it faster than you can chug it.
Chug it, sip it, or just enjoy the wonderful aroma, yet never forget, even for one small moment, that 35-year-old single-malt Scotch is God's gift to humans.
To humans the acts of dung beetles aren't particularly attractive.
Particularly attractive drinks of Scotch, unlike yachts, are 'on the rocks'.
The rocks off the coast yield productive fishing.
Productive fishing techniques result in the catch of tasty lobsters, garnished with steamed clams, an ear of fresh summer corn, a baked potato, and plenty of melted butter.
Melted butter may enhance the enjoyment of lobsters, but lobsters aren't actually fish.
Actually, fish and lobsters are both caught by fishing, as any Maine lobster fisherman will tell you, and melted butter sure does make a lobster taste like Heaven on Earth.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lobster_fishing
On Earth lobsters are considered invertebrates, and Fish are definitely vertebrates.
Definitely, vertebrates exist, and although I've been told it's there, I've never actually seen my backbone.
My backbone aches before a rain event.
Rain ... event cancelled ... tent entered ... seats taken ... beers popped.
Beers popped their tops after being left in the car during a Vermont winter.
Vermont winter prep, like most of New England, includes six layers of clothing, wood for the fire, a pantry full of food, an AM radio with fresh batteries, a good flashlight, a box of wooden 'strike anywhere' matches, and a snow shovel.
Snow shovel handles should have fewer splinters.
Fewer splinters will occur if the mahogany is finely sanded and then finished into gleaming brightwork with a nice lacquer.
Nice lacquer smells just as bad as cheap lacquer.
Cheap lacquer, like cheap liquor, is never used or consumed on elegant yachts.
Elegant yachts and vintage wines caused the heirs to go broke quickly.
Broke, quickly evicted, living homeless, begging for money, and drinking heavily.
Drinking heavily, cures everything but the size of the bar bill.
Bar Bill Tavern in Buffalo is famous for both wings and weck.
And weck in Western NY will be replaced by tortillas, fajitas, the number "13".
Number 13 is a problem for people who are superstitious, along with black cats.
Black cats get a bad rap.
Bad rap should never be given to benevolent sages warning of incoming tsunamis. ;)
Incoming tsunamis, time to get out a bigger surfboard.
Bigger surfboard, the oldtimer said, if in doubt, always go for a bigger surfboard.
Bigger surfboard riders delight hungry sharks.
Hungry sharks feast on floating carcasses.
Floating carcasses revealed the crime scene location.
Scene location has been booked as well as actors so we can now shoot the film
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The film turned out to be a big fat flop.
Fat flop you say the last time I heard that saying was on itv's world of sports wrestling when big daddy did what we call a bellyflop
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A bellyflop seldom wins a serious diving competition.
Diving competition scoring isn't entirely subjective.
Entirely subjective criteria, used during job interviews, created a disadvantage for dirty, but otherwise qualified, hippies.
Qualified hippies what ever will they teach at university
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At university lectures, a professor used to be able to say outrageous things to stimulate thinking.
Simulate thinking with a good bottle of wine.
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Of wine and roses I dream.
I dream of 2016, before I had to stop enjoying cigars and bourbon permanently.
Permanently disabled,
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Permanently disabled resident veterans get free fishing and hunting licenses in New Jersey.
New Jersey a place to visit if your near by.
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Near by neighbors became nauseated when our soap supply ran out.
Ran out of petrol good job he had a gas powered car.
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Powered car accessories that don't work are no luxury.
No luxury is too good for you. :)
For you, no desert until you finish your vegetables.