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Messages - Basementgeek

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1
Internet / Re: Image hosting site
« on: August 13, 2017, 06:40:40 PM »
They are not as good as they used to be.

I have account there for some years, they deleted my old pictures.

BG

2
Jokes / Softball in Heaven
« on: June 03, 2017, 01:17:41 AM »
Two 90-year-old women, Bertha and Betty, had been friends all of their lives.
When it was clear that Bertha was dying, Betty visited her every day.
One day Betty said, “Bertha, we both loved playing softball all our lives, and we played all through high school. Please do me one favor: When you get to heaven, somehow you must let me know if there’s women’s softball there.”
Bertha looked up at Betty from her deathbed and said, “Betty, you’ve been my best friend for many years. If it’s at all possible, I’ll do this favor for you.”
Shortly after that, Bertha passed on.
A few nights later, Betty was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to her, “Betty, Betty.”
“Who is it?” asked Betty, sitting up suddenly. “Who is it?”
“Betty — it’s me, Bertha.”
“You’re not Bertha. Bertha just died.”
“I’m telling you, it’s me, Bertha,” insisted the voice.
“Bertha! Where are you?”
“In heaven,” replied Bertha. “I have some really good news and a little bad news.”
“Tell me the good news first,” said Betty.
“The good news,” Bertha said, “is that there’s women’s softball in heaven. Better yet, all of our old buddies who died before me are here, too. Even better than that, we’re all young again. Better still, it’s always springtime and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play softball all we want, and we never get tired.”
“That’s fantastic,” said Betty. “It’s beyond my wildest dreams! So what’s the bad news?”
“You’re pitching Tuesday.”

BG

3
LandzDown Lounge / Re: Ten Years and Counting!
« on: July 12, 2015, 12:32:05 AM »
Congratulations, many more.

BG

4
Great Job !!!!

BG

5
Meet & Greet! / Re: Happy Birthday Basementgeek
« on: September 17, 2014, 11:29:32 AM »
Thanks everybody for the birthday wishes.

BG

6
Jokes / Estate Planning
« on: August 19, 2014, 09:13:14 PM »
Tom was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune once his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card. Three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at estate planning than men.

BG

7
Jokes / CURTAIN RODS
« on: July 13, 2014, 04:20:50 PM »
On the first day after his divorce, he sadly packed his belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

 On the second day, he had the movers come and collect his things.

On the third day, he sat down for the  last  time at their beautiful dining-room table, by candle-light; he put  on  some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of  shrimp, a jar of  caviar, a bottle of spring-water, 3 cans of  sardines.

When he'd  finished, he went into each and  every room and deposited a few half-eaten  shrimps dipped in caviar, and some sardines into the hollow center of the curtain rods.

He then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

On the fourth day, the wife came back with her  new boyfriend, and at first all was bliss.

Then,  slowly, the house began to smell.


They  tried everything; cleaning, mopping, and airing-out the  place.  Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were  steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere.  Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during  which time the two had to move out for a few days, and in the end  they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing  worked!People stopped coming over to visit.

Repairmen  refused to work in the house.The maid quit.

Finally, they  couldn't take the stench any longer, and decided they had to move,  but a month later - even though they'd cut their price in half -  they couldn't find a buyer for such a stinky house.

Word  got out, and eventually even the local realtors refused to return  their calls.

Finally, unable to wait any longer for a  purchaser, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to  purchase a new place.

Then the ex called the woman and  asked how things were going. She told him the saga of the rotting  house. He listened politely and said that he missed his old home  terribly and would be willing to reduce his divorce settlement in  exchange for having the house.

Knowing he could have no  idea how bad the smell really was, she agreed on a price that was  only 1/10 nth of what the house had been worth ... but only if he  would sign the papers that very day.

He agreed, and within  two hours her lawyers delivered the completed paperwork.

A  week later the woman and her boyfriend stood smiling as they  watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new  home ......


and to  spite the ex-husband, they even took the curtain  rods!


I  LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?



 


8
Jokes / Blonde driver
« on: March 03, 2014, 12:41:27 AM »
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. He was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!' 'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'

BG

9
Jokes / WOMEN ARE DEVIOUS
« on: February 22, 2014, 09:27:49 PM »
An old man and woman were married for many years. Whenever there was a

confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night.

The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of

the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"



Neighbors feared him. The old man liked the fact that he was feared. To

everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack one day.



His wife had a closed casket at the funeral. After the burial, her

neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked "Aren't you afraid that he

may

indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the

rest of your life?"



The wife said, "Let him dig. I had him buried upside down. And I know

he won't ask for directions."

BG


10
Jokes / Romance is not dead
« on: January 16, 2014, 09:37:51 PM »
Romance is not dead . . . .


A middle-aged couple were excited that they had finally learned how to send and receive texts on their mobile phones.
The wife, being a romantic at heart, decided one day that she'd send her husband a text while she was out of the house having coffee with a friend.
 She texted:
If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are drinking, send me a sip.
If you are crying, send me your tears.
I love you.
The husband texted back:   
I'm on the toilet. Please advise . . . .

BG


11
LandzDown Lounge / Re: Warmest Wishes!
« on: December 25, 2013, 11:23:40 PM »
Have a safe and happy holidays.

BG

12
LandzDown Lounge / Re: Lest we forget ... Armistice/Veteran's Day 2013
« on: November 11, 2013, 02:45:51 AM »
To all my fellow comrades in arms, thank you for your service.

BG

13
LandzDown Lounge / Re: What Am I Used for?
« on: August 31, 2013, 08:10:55 PM »
Winner AKA eraser shield.  They still sell them for about $1.00USD.

Your turn.

BG

14
LandzDown Lounge / Re: What Am I Used for?
« on: August 30, 2013, 05:35:51 PM »
Clue:  Rarely used except for pencil........

BG

15
LandzDown Lounge / Re: What Am I Used for?
« on: August 30, 2013, 02:51:00 PM »
Sorry, no.  Not used for measuring or drawing lines.

BG

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