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Messages - philsharp

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1
LandzDown Lounge / Re: Happy Birthday - Blast from the Past
« on: June 11, 2009, 11:52:52 PM »

GR@PH;<'S

A slice of cake and a "tinnie" .  What more could you want?? :)

2
LandzDown Lounge / Happy Birthday - Blast from the Past
« on: June 10, 2009, 10:45:29 PM »

Congratulations on your 5th birthday.
Although not posting continue to read and learn.
Regards  Phil  :)

3
Jokes / Re: Sunday Morning Sex
« on: August 05, 2007, 10:23:46 PM »


 :thumbsup:     :lol:

4
Jokes / Re: The Three Bears
« on: August 01, 2007, 09:24:13 PM »



     :)

5
Jokes / Re: The Three Bears
« on: August 01, 2007, 12:58:06 AM »

Niecarrah..............................you have to be kidding!!!

6
Jokes / The Three Bears
« on: July 30, 2007, 11:01:33 PM »
The Three Bears

>>

>> Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in her little chair at the table.

>> She looks into her little bowl. It is empty. "Who's been eating my

>> porridge?!!" she squeaks.

>> Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair.. He looks

>> into his big bowl and it is also empty. "Who's been eating my

>> porridge?!!" He roars.

 

 

>> Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen

>> and yells...

>> "For goodness sake, how many times do we have to go through this with

>> you idiots? It was Mummy Bear who got up first, it was Mummy Bear who

>> woke everyone in the house, it was Mummy Bear who made the coffee, it

>> was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night, and put

>> everything away, it was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early

>> morning air to fetch the newspaper, it was Mummy Bear who set the damn

>> table, was Mummy Bear who put the  cat out, cleaned the litter

>> box and filled the cat's water and food dish, and now that

> you've

>> decided to drag your selves downstairs and grace Mummy

>> Bear's kitchen with your grumpy presence, listen good, cause I'm only

>> going to say this one more time.................................

>>

>>

>> "I HAVEN'T MADE THE GODDAMNED PORRIDGE YET!!!"

----------
Edited out language as requested.

GR@PH;<'S   :Hammys pint:

7
Jokes / Re: Beer & wind..............
« on: July 27, 2007, 10:50:28 PM »
 :thumbsup:

8
Jokes / Re: FBI
« on: July 20, 2007, 09:47:45 PM »

Niecarrah.............Moral:  NEVER underestimate the female animal!



Wouldn't dare     :tease: :tease: :tease:    :lol:

9
Jokes / FBI
« on: July 19, 2007, 11:04:51 PM »
The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists. Two men and a woman.

  For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter
what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair.. Kill Her!!"

  The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."

  The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."

  The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his
eyes, " I tried, but I can't kill my wife."

The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

  Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instruction, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls

  After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. "The gun is loaded with blanks" she
said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."

10
LandzDown Lounge / Re: LandzDown's 2nd Birthday day
« on: July 11, 2007, 10:13:46 PM »
 
 Hic!     Thanks for all the fun messages.....just think whilst you are all asleep here I am "down-under" drinking a toast to all the family at The Landzdown Furum.

Feeling no Pain!    Hic!    :hammy:    :Hammys pint:

11
LandzDown Lounge / Re: LandzDown's 2nd Birthday day
« on: July 11, 2007, 12:27:42 AM »



HAPPY BIRTHDAY    :Hammys pint:   :)

12
Jokes / Re: The NEW Alphabet
« on: July 09, 2007, 09:37:56 PM »




Ahhhh!  The joys of ageing...?

Forget wisdom give me a new body   :)   

13
Jokes / The Blonde Handy Woman
« on: July 07, 2007, 12:30:44 AM »
A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a 'handy-woman' and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. 

 

She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

'Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,' he said, 'How much will you charge me?'

The blonde quickly responded, 'How about $50?' The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, 'Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?'

He responded, 'That's a bit cynical, isn't it?'  The wife replied, 'You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately.'

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

'You're finished already?' the husband asked.

'Yes, 'the blonde replied, 'and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.'



Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her.

'And by the way,' the blonde added, 'it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus.'


14
Jokes / Re: Spell Checker
« on: July 05, 2007, 03:30:54 AM »
 :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

15
Jokes / Re: Ducks...
« on: June 27, 2007, 12:52:17 AM »



 :lol:

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