Aging

[jamesk]

We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads.  So I'm not fat, I'm just really intelligent, and my head couldn't hold any more so it started filling up the rest of me! That's my story and I'm sticking to it!
8)

[GR@PH;<'S]

jamesk,
:hysterical:

I'm just really intelligent, and my head couldn't hold any more so it started filling up the rest of me!

Glad I not on my own  :tease:

GR@PH;<'S   :breakkie:

[Corrine]

More on aging:

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very
elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied.
"Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She
responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is
the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied,
"No peer pressure."

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't
hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications
that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with
dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank
God, I still have my driver's license.

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my
doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I
decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated,
jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my
leotards on, the class was over.

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she
had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher
exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me
twice a week "

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as
sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast
relief."

Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old
because you stop laughing.

--- THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I
never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the
eyesight to tell the difference.

Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others.
Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they
are!

[GR@PH;<'S]

Corrine,
:hysterical:

GR@PH;<'S   :breakkie:

[Ripley]

It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.

                  :wasntme:      :hysterical:

[Ripley]

More on aging:


As I've Matured...

I've learned age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is
stalk them and hope they panic and give in...

I've learned that one good turn gets most of the blankets.

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just
jackasses.

I've learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others -
they are more screwed up than you think.

I've learned that depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

I've learned that it is not what you wear; it is how you take it off.

I've learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.

I've learned to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things.

I've learned that ex's are like fungus, and keep coming back.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do,
unless we are celebrities.

I've learned that artificial intelligence is no match for natural
stupidity.

I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working
in your house, one of your kids did it

I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and
all the less important ones just never go away.
And the real pains in the a** are permanent.

[Ripley]

MORE ON AGING:

This is purported to be a true account recorded in the Police Log of Sarasota, Florida ...


An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her voice, "I have a gun and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!"

The four men didn't wait for a second invitation. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried and then it dawned on her why ... For the same reason she did not understand why there was a football, a frisbee and two 12 packs in the front seat ...
A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake. The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing.

He pointed to the other end of the counter where four pale men were reporting a carjacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair and carrying a large handgun.

No charges were filed.

MORAL OF THE STORY?

If you're going to have a Senior Moment, make it memorable.