GRIPES AND SOLUTIONS

[Paddy]

>GRIPES AND SOLUTIONS
>
>After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe
>sheet',
>which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
>
>The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form
>and
>then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
>
>Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are
>some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas pilots and the
>solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.
>
>
>By the way, remember, Qantas is he only major airline that has never had
>an  accident.
>
>
>
>
>
>Key: P = Problem logged by Pilot
>
>S = Solution/Action taken by Mechanics.
>
>
>
>P Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
>
>S Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
>
>
>P Test flight ok, except auto-land very rough.
>
>S Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
>
>
>P Something loose in cockpit
>
>S Something tightened in cockpit.
>
>
>P Dead bugs on windshield
>
>S Live bugs on back-order
>
>
>P Auto-pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
>descent
>
>S Cannot replicate problem on ground
>
>
>P Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
>
>S Evidence removed.
>
>
>P DME volume unbelievably loud
>
>S DME volume set to more believable level.
>
>
>P Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
>
>S that's what they're for
>
>
>P IFF inoperative
>
>S IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>
>
>P Suspected crack in windshield
>
>S Suspect you're right
>
>
>P Number 3 engine missing
>
>S Engine found on right wing after brief search
>
>
>P Aircraft handles funny
>
>S Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious
>
>
>P Target radar hums
>
>S Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics
>
>
>P Mouse in cockpit
>
>S Cat installed
>
>
>P Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
>pounding on something with a hammer.
>
>S Took hammer away from midget.
>
>


Paddy... :sos:

[Corrine]

:lol: Good one, paddy! 

[Paddy]

>P Aircraft handles funny :(
>
>S Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious :tease:
>

I thought that a very good one .... :gwave:

Paddy... :P

[Herumutsu]

>P Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
>
>S Evidence removed.

:lol:

[Navyman]

Didn't you know that OFF stand for On For Flight?

[Paddy]

Didn't you know that OFF stand for On For Flight?

:uhm:

[Die Hard]

Navyman.............an airforceman   :tease: :muahaha:

Die Hard :)